isn't she lovely?

- oboe son likes to blast the Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring and like headbang to it and Ilya joins him and learns about Russian symphonic music from his Canadian son

- crucially, oboe son DOES like hockey, but he breaks his arm one season and it puts him out of the honor band, and he’s like shaking in his boots like “Dads, I don’t think I should play hockey anymore, I don’t want to jeopardize being able to play the oboe please don’t be mad” and Shane is like “I know we need to optimize and make a strategy being well rounded is overrated we need to get you into oboe intensives. Is that a thing?” completely oblivious that his son was petrified to tell him

- ilya is asking where he can get a slice of pizza at the conservatory concerts

- also in the beginning when hollanov are still playing Yuna takes oboe son to all his lessons, learns to play herself! They put on little concerts of course

Shane starts getting grays at 35, so by 45 he is a salt-and-pepper kING. It makes for a distinguished photograph on his memoir. He has a ghostwriter, obviously, how do you expect him to just sit and write all day? He writes the chapter about his and Ilya's rivalry though, only at the end of the chapter is he like "And we were married in the summer of 2021 with a honeymoon in Spain. He's the best person I know." after just a dry comparison of all their stats Pre-Centaurs.

One child. Boychild. Shane's genes and a Russian name. Conceived via surrogacy after Ilya retires first due to busted ass knee syndrome. Child enjoys hockey. Not great at it. Looooves playing the oboe in school band. Shane checks it out and AS IT TURNS OUT the oboe is a difficult, competitive instrument. They proceed with characteristic intensity, as if this was athletics. Son, you're gonna win at the oboe.

Ilya needs glasses. He just steals Shane's off his face and it's a whole ritual that ends in them kissing. Boychild is mortified every time they're trying to read a take-out menu.

Shane gets into hockey commentary/podcasting and is notoriously. Um. Not Nice. A lot of "What?? What did I say??" It's never personal though. Just about players' shitty game.

Ilya is Big. Chunky. He's glorious. Muscle that now has fat over it. Arms like tree trunks. Torso: round. 100% Naturalized Canadian Citizen Beef. Hair, everywhere. Shane must BITE to check it all out and make sure everything is in order.

Shane gets really into individual athletics- rock climbing, marathons before he also gets busted ass knee syndrome, biking, swimming, anything where it's like testing the limits of his body against himself. Ilya is like a "fifty push-ups every day keeps me in shape enough to fuck you right" kind of guy, but he joins in sometimes just to make Shane get furious with competition

New rookie/juniors player billeting every year once boychild goes to music conservatory so they build a whole separate wing for the youngsters so it doesn't interfere with empty-nest fucking

Once they hit 50 they do get up stupid early like old men do and have old man coffee shop time with David Hollander (professional boring old man) at their favorite diner. Shane really cherishes this time with his dad and makes it a point to do it as often as they can. Conversely, they build Yuna a mother in law house when David passes away (death comes for us all) and she becomes crazy hockey mom to all their rookies.

Shane is terrorising the local birdwatching community

Ilya is personally if inadvertently responsible for at least four divorces among his kid's schoolmate's parents

every time they attend a Centaurs game they end up on kiss cam (which isn't even a THING Shane is convinced they do this just to fuck with him) and they always pretend to be reluctant and roll their eyes and oh, fine, if you insist *smooch* *deafening cheers*

which is complicated by the fact that ilya takes one look at rose and shane at the bar (rose's arm looped through shane's in what ilya doesn't know is just a friends move) and BOOKS IT so he doesn't have to see this

and then proceeds to avoid them at EVERY fucking turn

this all terminates into rose going "fuck it I'm a true bro and I'm making this happen so help me GOD" and managing to arrange locking them in a closet together (which is. so funny. but this is not the time to point out the punchline.) (she'll save it.) so ilya can't run away.

and it's very sweet and they have their moment of honesty and yay back to ilya's room now fo-

the-the door is locked.

because it turns out that rose got a LITTLE too enthusiastic in locking it after her plan worked PERFECTLY and now something in the mechanism is broken.

because also ilya would NOT know how to fucking react

"she's not my girlfriend!" "i'm not his girlfriend!"

like, his older brother is both absentee and abusive, so I imagine his entire view of sibling relationships is incredibly tarred, and this woman is also his Greatest Enemy In Life.

so he’s getting youngerbrotherbodyslammed by this women who (like all older sisters, can just clock a younger sibling idk what to tell you) is supposed to hate him, but is treating him like a twit child???????

ahem.

@martelldoran NOT SHANE AND HIS DESIGNATED REPRESENTATIVE

"listen, shane wants--stop whining, you baby, you're fine--shane wants to talk to you"

"AND I WANT A CRAZY PERSON TO NOT BE ON TOP OF ME RIGHT NOW. WE DON'T ALWAYS GET WHAT WE WANT."

"🙄 it's your own fault. you kept running."

"oh, so shane hasn't told you how much HE likes to run??"

"he made a mistake, okay? and he's sorry."

shane from a safe distance because tbh? kind of thrown by what just happened: "i am!"

"I WAS KIND OF FUCKING BUSY BEING TACKLED BY A CRAZY PERSON, SVETA"

Witch: And that is?

firstly, why does shane get an animal named after him but ilya doesn't? this is a cosmic injustice. they need to name one after him immediately so that sea lion hollander has a rozanov and isn't lonely so that the best men's hockey player is properly represented!!!

secondly, sea lion hollander is so small. criminally tiny. ilya is very proud of his big hockey player husband, thank you. they couldn't have picked a more size-accurate animal to name after him? (though admittedly the big brown teary eyes are fitting. he will give them that.)

#some gen z hockey fan intern at an animal charity realises you can fund basically anything if you name it hollander #bc rozanov will backflip through the window to pay for any and all medical expenses to keep a sad wet animal named after his husband alive #so far the ottowa humane society has saved 18 dogs called hollander or shane #all bc ilya sends them check every month with “for shane” written on them in shockingly bad handwriting

ilya is so personally invested in every single one of these sad wet animals. he's following along with their stories, he is asking the organizations for updates when they haven't posted about His Shane in a few days, he is celebrating each release or adoption where applicable. he's got a whole folder on his phone for photos of each of them.

meanwhile, shane is seeing the withdrawals on their shared bank statements like

Do the readings.

Oh my God, just do the readings. I promise, it gets easier once you get into the habit of it.

in my experience, showing up to class prepared most days and raising your hand every so often is enough to make you the favorite student of at least 80% of your professors. in any discipline.

and the truth is that the team was playing against someone ilya and/or shane ESPECIALLY hates, which means shane was dropping the most vicious, lethal reads known to man and making ilya crack tf up to the point that they were attracting attention and the coach was just afraid of someone reading lips and getting them all in trouble

and signficantly, the three person buffer between them just keeps shane from SAYING his comments

But I feel like this is the point of connection that gets Shane to actually accept Troy as a guy he can vibe with. They make the mistake of putting Troy as one of the guys in between Shane and Ilya only for Shane to keep muttering things and Troy to pick right up where Ilya left off on dragging people. Troy may have been a homophobic menace for a while but not he’s a homosexual menace and Shane can very much so get down with that. Ilya has almost as much fun listening to them banter as joining in.