Tumblr was a phase, but it also wasn't.
Today, I logged into my tumblr for the first time in years, since my Queue broke and threw everything into chaos. I remember getting so very sad and giving up, blaming it on my executive dysfunction. I even told myself I'd never return when I heard of the new ownership and censoring changes. Truth is, in the moments that I do remember it, I miss it. The many bookmarks of posts I had saved for Qrious, the likes waiting to see the light of day. I look at my blog now and then to relive sweet moments of escapism and feels, like my tag for Jonghyun or for funny text posts. Sometimes I think, "Should I delete the posts of disgraced fandoms and celebrities? Should I leave it as a relic that once was?" All in all, when I look back, I see that I have always been as principled and forward thinking as I am today. I'm not sure if that means I was ahead of my peers or if the progress has slowed. Of course there are things I don't agree with on here, but that's to be expected. Tumblr is, after all, a wonderful place to be your most cringy and authentic self (at least semi) anonymously. To be cringe is to be free, right? I also have memories on this blog connecting to many traumatic friendship break-ups, so that also holds me back. These days I use my time on YouTube, watching and never being able to watch it all. I have such a loyalty problem that I have actually burnt out on it. i also play a lot of games and hang out with my partner. I wonder, if I let this stand here as an archive, should I come back in another form? Will I stick to it, if I do? Is starting fresh something worth doing? I look back on all the stuff I used to post and wow, I should probably stay away from breaking news like I used to. If Tumblr is an escape, I should treat it as such, but I could never keep quiet on my morals and views on human rights. it has gotten me in a lot of trouble with people who call you a spoilsport or a downer. So maybe being able to vent about that counts in the escapism. Anyway, if you read this, I hope my blog used to be of comfort and interest and wonder to you. I am in my 30s now and still feel as young and as old as I used to. Life has never been kind to me, so I strive to be kind to myself. I hope you do the same. All the love and all the light, - Strawberry
