kat

The Soldiers!! Finally decided on an outfit for Teor omg it was. A Task. As always, my notes below <3:

My wife pointed out to me the other day that apparently most people were literally only taught how to say Sorry and not how to Apologize or even that they are different things so here.

As a result of his murder Occtis' life has sharp delineation of Before and After with After being defined by his relationship to his own body being radically altered. He feels, in his undead state, both more consciously aware at all times what his body is doing and also more detached from it. Despite loving food while he was alive not only can he not taste food at all now but the results of trying to eat it anyway are decidedly unpleasant. As a result of happened he also can't sleep anymore. This is reflected in his understanding of his sense of self as well, when Thimble asks him if in spite of everything he is still himself he hedges, and says that he is as far as he can tell. There's also the fact that as part of what happened something -his heart specifically- was quite literally taken from him. He continues on, but the fact his lost something so fundamental remains true.

There's also the multiple indications of what happened having been understandably extremely traumatic for him. He has visibly panicked responses to things that remind him of the event (his nervous reaction to Cyd mentioning that Ethrand was part of the group he saw heading to the Sundered Houses meeting; him briefly freezing after hearing ghouls on the other side of the aviary door). His instinct to keep himself hidden from his family while in public, which was already present during the Overture as a result of him realizing that if his violent abusive father found out he tried to help someone the family marked to die it would be bad for him, has also been reinforced by these events. Occtis is very careful to make sure he's not revealing his presence, even when doing so might be potentially helpful, because he's concerned his family will do something to him again if he isn't that careful.

There's also his conviction that if people find out what happened to him they're going to react to and treat him differently. He's constantly worried while encountering druids, even after the meeting in the Schongarten goes very well for him, because he fears they'll only ever see him as an undead, and therefore a threat, rather than as a full person who, due to circumstances mostly beyond his control, also happens to be undead.

Something can also be said for the absolute lack of regard Primus has for the severity of the crimes committed against Occtis under his orders. He starts the Sundered House meeting denying that anything happened, even when confronted with a letter in Occtis' handwriting claiming his family killed him, instead claiming the letter is a forgery meant to ruin his reputation. And when that falls apart he moves on to minimizing how terrible what he actually did was because there's more important things to worry about, and claiming that since Occtis had already betrayed the family he had to die anyway so really trying to use him to create an angel of death wasn't that bad at all. And although he is eventually brought to account for doing this the consequences amount to a slap on the wrist because he is wealthy and powerful to enough to make any more lasting consequences go away.

domestic wizard husbands

head canon that essek fixes caleb's tie before he goes to teach classes (caleb just pretends he doesn't know how) (essek knows he's faking)

If you go without it you feel unwell in a way that you never usually feel unwell. Sweating, tired, sleepy, headaches, irritable, depressed, etc. For example when I was in opium withdrawal I got incredibly depressed in a way that I’ve never been before or since. When you quit caffeine you might get super bad headaches even if you never usually get any headaches.

Thoughts of it regularly bother you and the thoughts go away once you’ve taken it but only temporarily. Unlike with a food craving which usually stays away once you’ve satisfied it or distracted yourself from it.

You find yourself rationalizing with yourself why you should break your own rules about how much you can take and how often. For example you might only let yourself drink alcohol every four days but start thinking that three days is actually close enough to four days, right? Especially if this happens regularly.

You’re using it so often that you feel the need to lie about how much you use because other people might think it’s concerning

If the substance or activity is nearby it’s genuinely difficult to not consume it or participate in it in a way that’s really frustrating.

You feel bad when you’re not on it and your brain tells you “if you just take the thing you wouldn’t feel this way”

You can only feel “whole” or “normal” when you’re on a substance even though it’s a recreational drug