Me: How could I have laughed at Victor, how could I have scorned his anguish in the sight of his glorious but unnatural creation??? Only now do I understand, only now-

printing important documents

“Do you know why I pulled you over?” is a trap. It means there’s a good chance the officer doesn’t actually have a good reason to ticket you, and is trying to get you to waive your 5th Amendment rights and incriminate yourself. If you make a guess, that’s a confession of guilt.

Alec Goddamn Baldwin posted this to 1.4 million followers. 

Oh bullshit, let me count the red flags.

First red flag… the right side is cut off and you can’t even read it all. I realize you can make it out with context clues, but if you believe you are trying to spread important medical info about a pandemic, maybe make sure all the damn words are visible.

I mean, what drunkard screencapped this? 

Oh. 

Well, good luck with those wine tariffs, Suzanne. 

Thankfully I found a non-cropped version that is just blurry instead. Let’s see what other red flags it contains. 

Second red flag? “A Japanese doctor.” 

No name. No credentials. Just some doctor in Japan somewhere. Are they implying Japanese doctors are smarter or more competent? Are they implying he has some ancient samurai medical wisdom? 

Red flag the third… What is a lung hospital? And is that where you are supposed to go when you get a viral infection? Wouldn’t a virus hospital be better?

Now we’re done with the Japanese doctor for a bit and have moved on to “Taiwanese experts” for our fourth red flag. Apparently, if you hold your breath for 10 seconds you can rule out infection. No need for a fancy test, just stop breathing! Plus, you might even cure your hiccups. 

Okay, back to the non-descript Japanese physician. He provides the “best advice” which is red flag number 5. The best advice is already out there. It was released by the CDC and WHO. The best advice would not be some low-key secret only a rando Japanese doctor would know. 

But let us look at this best advice for red flag number 6. 

“Everyone should make sure the mouth and throat are always moist.” 

That’s a red flag purely because I hate the word moist and wish people would stop using it. 

“Drink some water every 15 minutes. Why not?” 

That’s not terrible or anything. It’s the added “Why not?” that adds a 7th red flag. Can you imagine if doctors tried to convince people to take vaccines by saying, “Take all your shots. Why not?”

And then we get to the real bullshit. The ultimate red flag. The red flag larger than all the others combined. 

Apparently, if you drink the virus, your tummy will kill it. 

Because acid, I guess. 

What if the virus enters through the nose? Should you drink through your nose every 15 minutes? And wouldn’t better advice be about keeping the virus out of your damn mouth in the first place? Ya know, wash your hands, stay away from crowded places, cough in your arm. 

How is “Drink that damn virus right down and KILL THAT FUCKER WITH ACID” the “best advice”? 

So… now that we have determined this is bullshit, how do we counteract this shitty viral post about a virus? 

What is the best solution to quash this disinformation helped along by a glorified Donald Trump impersonator?

I say we fight fire with fire. 

I have created my own shitty screencap for everyone to spread. 

Sorry, I was hitting the wine pretty hard when I capped that. 

It was box wine because that bottled stuff is too pricey. Probably because of tariffs.

You know what, I’ll just copy and paste the actual text.

“Drinking more water, while good for your overall health, will not keep anyone from catching the coronavirus, according to Dr. William Schaffner, an infectious diseases expert at Vanderbilt University. Schaffner told The Associated Press, “We always caution anyone healthy and people who are sick to keep up fluid intake and keep mucus membranes moist.” He also said: “It makes you feel better; there is no clear indication that it directly protects you against complications.”

–Snopes

Let’s look at the difference. We have an actual doctor’s name that we can look up. We know where he works, which we can also look up. We have a direct quote that can be verified. And there is even a link to the Snopes page for you to read more and check sources. No red flags. No mention of going to the lung hospital.