Life is delicate,

Friendly reminder that ahb ahb ahb ahb ahb...

I talk to basically everything as if it's a person. I greet passing crows as my "cousins." I respond conversationally to my cats. I yell "same to you!" when inanimate objects make loud noises. I say good morning to plants. I thank my phone when an alarm goes off. When objects don't act the way I want them to I explain what I need them to do, or tell them they're being rude. I tell my car when we're stopping for gas.

I reassure credit card readers who are struggling that I know they are doing their best. Bless you, you funky lil machine, I'm sorry my dad is part of the reason people hate you. :(

If an object looks like it's about to roll away or fall over I'll put it in its place and then raise my index finger and one eyebrow at it like it's a naughty child or a cat about to push a glass of water over, like "Ah ah ah! Stay where you are!" I did this to my groceries last week and the checkout lady saw me and said "That was adorable."