autism win.

washing your face is actually multi tasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair

Interviews with hockey players are fantastic, because it is a complex game that can be spoken about at length, but during the intermission they'll find the Wettest player imaginable on the losing team and for thirty seconds they'll ask them things like "what do you need to do to get more pucks in the net?" And the player (panting, haunted behind the eyes) says something like "well, we've got to get them in there"

you don't like mourning dove? hwoo hoo hoo hoo?

Can't get over how fucking sick "Darkangelo" is as a last name

auto immune disorders happen when the immune system ignores regulatory factors and begins attacking healthy bodily tissues, due to what scientists refer to as "sheer love of the game"

one thing I haven't gotten critiqued on yet but that I can see looming on the horizon, is that I really like to have main characters who are non-human and autistic-coded. and I've seen the conversations about how it's not actually all that validating to have "autistic rep" if the character in question is just an alien or a robot or whatever, and I actually do agree with that (for real!), but unfortunately I want to be a creature so so bad, I just really really want to be a creature. or like a little gnome or bug or something. so a good number of my autistic self inserts will just be awful fuck ass creatures and I apologize for that.

something either is or isnt happening to me

*covered in blood* I'm literally fine guys. im still funny. Would you like to hear a joke Im going to tell you a joke

May the force blow your tits clean off

Having someone ask ChatGPT in a meeting is like being a grown-ass professional adult in a room full of other grown-ass professional adults trying to solve a problem, while a colleague with one of those baby toys that makes animal sounds repeatedly presses the cow button. And we all have to stop what we're doing and listen to cow go moo and say "wow hm yeah that's not really what we're asking but the cow does definitely go moo, good thoughts"