itsa me, marsio

Hey bitches. Let’s fuck Monday hard

Hey bitches. Let’s fuck Tuesday hard

Celibacy Wednesday

Hey bitches. Let’s fuck Thursday hard

women keep coming up to me giggling and blushing and running their finger along the edge of my mighty greatsword like STOP theres literally evil afoot

are we sure the only way out is through? like. are we sure we can't just. go around

What if you poked me in the chest and your finger broke through like you were cracking into a rotted plank of wood and dust came out and I just crumpled into nothing and my spores got into your nose

I would not hang out with you again that's for sure!

Well there you have it!

anyone else get embarrassed when their self indulgent daydreams are like too self-indulgent? like oh jeez the telepaths are going to judge me

#ah so when you’re not Catholic you think it’s telepaths lol

Sentences that explain like 70% of America

theyre going to kill me because nobody in history has acted strangely and im the very first

I dreamt that there was a new meme that went, “If I dids it, I dids it. If I didsn’t, I didsn’t.” There was a third line, but I forgot what it was.

HOW DID YOU KNOW THEY WERE CAT MEMES IN MY DREAM

THAT’S IT, THAT’S THE MEME FROM MY DREAM

ending every fully botched sentence with "thats my sentence i hope u liked it"

sometimes you see with sudden clarity that you are a transsexual doing drugs in her room alone on a thursday and comprehend the sheer extent to which your parents would be horrified by the course of your life and how funny that is and it does genuinely make it a little easier

I'm like if a girl had the urge to scream and break something all the time but stays quiet instead

Ummmm sometimes you dread the weight of your life and other times it is an early morning in april and there are 5 species of birds singing and also the sun is shining through the baby leaves. Btw

whenever i'm trying to talk myself out of buying something i don't need i always hear my old russian professor's voice echoing in my head: "WHAT??? WILL YOU DIE THE RICHEST MAN IN THE GRAVEYARD?" and then i make an unwise financial decision

I’m like if someone smart chose to be an idiot. Out of free will

theyre pinning my wings to a cork board tomorrow

have we tried substance abuse my liege