The end of that episode really got me dude like we all knew buck was not fine but what really did me in was his bright brilliant smile as he closed the door, right up till his boys couldnât see him anymore, then he went and sat in the dark poppin some pills quietly and thatâs the be all and end all really.
And itâs important outside of the show so Iâm actually gonna rant about it listen to this.
Sometimes your own deterioration is so fucking silent, itâs in the moments you spend in your own thoughts when nobody is looking. This is why they say to check on your friends who are always lifting you up, always smiling, always seem good, cause people have ups and downs. People are never always fine and when you ask someone how itâs going be prepared for a ânot so great actuallyâ because itâs become commonplace and expected to say âIâm good!â instead.
It becomes easy to act a part in front of friends and family because you know when you get home you will have âself medicationâ to ease all your mental burdens, take away the pain and make sitting with your own thoughts bearable without placing said burden on anyone elseâs shoulders.
So I want you to check in on your friends and family. If they give you a âIâm goodâ ask them what makes it good? Tell them about something that is pissing you off at the moment so they think âI can trade that bit of vulnerability for some of my ownâ and maybe youâll find out things arenât so good. Maybe you can offer a fresh opinion or maybe you can just ease some of the burden, carrying knowledge is still lifting the weight. Sometimes they just need to say it.
And if you are reading this thinking âthatâs me, I always smile for the people that care about me but itâs ROUGH out here and sometimes taking the edge off is all I can do to get through the day, all I can do to spend time alone with my thoughts.â Then I want you to know I am a message away, and I bet there is someone in your personal circle who is too.
I get it though telling your people you are struggling feels like opening too many doors youâll never be able to close but I promise you itâs better to do than donât. Some of those open doors are exits, youâll make it out and be so much better for it; so much closer with the people you open up to and it is beautiful.
Iâm interested and reluctant to see where they go with this plot because it REALLY hit close to home and I donât want them to do it wrong.
Be persistent with the people you love. Keep showing up for them and keep asking leading questions, you never know what is going on behind closed doors and while you probably have your own shit going on you might just be somebodyâs saving grace. Be gentle, be understanding, be vigilant and present in conversations, LISTEN and look for clues. The further people fall into addiction the harder the signs get to read but youâve got this, we subconsciously want to be helped so we leave breadcrumbs.
Good job, itâs already sinking in if you made it to the end of this. Hope you enjoyed the episode fingers crossed for next week huh!