turn to stone.

gonna leave this here:

oh, i am finally old enough to know why my parents took so long to grab their coats. why they would ask us to get ready to go only to sit down for another round of coffee. what would i tell myself, at 10 years old? it’s okay. sit down with them too. take in the extra hour with your friend and her family. when you get home, write down every moment in your diary. one day you will be older and you will be waving goodbye to your best friend, and you will turn the key to start your beat up little car engine, and you will look back over your shoulder. her hair will be blowing in the wind and she will be beautiful and you will be, for a moment, struck by all of it. what you will feel is so wide and nameless that it will engulf you. and you will think of being 14 and kicking her under the table in math every time you wanted to whisper something behind the teacher’s back. you will think about how long the days felt, and how you could hold her hand whenever you wished, but you didn’t. and you will think about all of the people you could have lingered with. and you will wish, more than you have ever felt a wish, that the universe just gave you that - more time to linger. more time to say - i love you. i know i need to leave, but i don’t want to leave you. and when i go, i am leaving a piece of my heart that lingers too. 

“Beef” is about so many fucking things, but ultimately it’s about the hardship of being human, the ultimate disappointment and disillusionment that you go through year after year when things don’t go your way and you’re miserable or when everything goes your way and you’re still miserable. When you think you’re living life right but you’re still so fucking unhappy and NOTHING fills the void that spasms inside of you and and and because of this feeling, that life isn’t what you thought it was going to be, the rage pot boils and it boils over and it spills onto everything.