Randomness. Randomness Everywhere!

spongebob_wallet.png.exe

holy shit the whole store is amazing

NEED

Shut up and take my money

The poll feature really took off because it taps into tumblr's favorite activity: being extremely opinionated about things that don't matter

Good times

Yup.

wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs 

also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything

what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??

Wear a wig. Contact lenses . Change your accent . Change Hand when writing . Layer up to make you look big if your small n vice versa . Contour the hell outta your face.

Get your car interior thoroughly washed, then purposely dirty it up again.

Also use an icicle for the weapon because it melts away Buy a ticket to a show and tell as many people / post it on social media that u went to the show

Y'all suspect af😂

*adds 363,462 more people to list of that I will fuck never with*

Make friends with a pig farmer. A full grown nursing sow can eat an entire human body, bones and all, in about 6 hours.

Shit that last one is more helpful than I wanted it to be, I’ll never look at pigs the same

Reblogging for *educational* purposes :)

This post is legendary and I’m so glad I found it. I love all the advice. Except the icicle. That’s technically impossible. Use a disposable knife instead and break the handle.

use a glass knife with wooden handle for ultimate wounding. its gonna leave a severe fucking wound and u can burn the wood and melt down the glass if it doesnt shatter inside the victim.

Thomas what did i tell you about making suspiious posts?

I love learning.

IT’S ON MY DASH I REPEAT IT’S ON MY DASH.

ON MY DASH

Also bury the body deeper than six feet, so it can’t be washed up or smelled by hounds. Yes, that may mean you dig a 12 foot deep grave. Guess what? Murder is work.

Murder is work kids.

Too much work

Creating new jobs in America one murder at a time

Also work fast and no witnesses

THIS HAS OVER A MILLION NOTES WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL!!!!!

Also if you are planning to flee the country, get that figured out way in advance. At least a year or two in advance. And make sure everyone knows you’re moving, so it’s less suspicious than to randomly leave without saying anything. Perhaps it’s studying abroad, a job opportunity, or even meeting up with a friend and/or romantic partner?

If you buey the body vertically don’t forget to leave a few feet above the head and place some animal bones on it so when the blood hounds sniff they will find the animal bones and the police would likely rule it as a false positive. Also globally the solving rate for murder is 45% so don’t worry too much

Don’t forget it’s just a missing person case if they can’t find the body.

Hmm

Dances with plans

Helpful tumblr. Real helpful.

Thank you Tumblr. Now I have ideas :)

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

@yashee-but-jiba youre in the hellsite hall of fame

I love this. If I may add, wear shoes too big/small for your feet so the footprints font give you away.

If you feed a human body to pigs you have to remove the teeth first. Pigs can’t digest human teeth so if suspected the teeth can be found. I would recomend grinding them into dust and releasing it into the wind on a windy day :)

Remember: The authorities will know if the murderer faked their accent/foot print/whatever, but as long as they don’t find your actual features you’ll be fine

No body no murder, hide it well folks.

It should be noted by any prospective murderers out there than dna can be recovered from any body tissue or fluid, so destoying teeth, tongue, fingertips, etc will not be sufficient.

so basically, dont leave a body at all or make damn sure its not gonna be found

cover up any tattoos/piercing u have and wear fake tattoos

If I may offer a suggestion: commit your murder in October (or a few days before October begins), then once you get rid of the flesh using hydrochloric acid, take the bones and make them part of a Halloween decoration (the more elaborate the better, maybe add it to one big display so it blends in more). The police wouldn’t have any sound reason to investigate some Halloween decorations; so many decorations look so grisly and realistic, but if people are under the assumption that they are fake then there is no suspicion surrounding them

I’m tired of this trope where a human will get for a borrower or something an old dollhouse where everything is exquisitely crafted with all the details and the chairs are plush and the kitchen works and everything is the right size.  It’s too convenient.  That’s why I’m writing a fic where they get an old dollhouse from the attic but it’s a shitty Barbie playhouse from the mid-2000′s and the tiny fucking hates it

Wow. I can’t get over the fact that there’s no way to access the slide other than being manhandled and placed up there. This is effing hilarious

YES, WE NEED TO SEE THIS MORE

I’M WHEEZING🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

accurate

Extremely accurate

A thing of beauty indeed👌

@ironicsuperstition I’m so sorry I never saw this but I’M YELLING!!

I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED THIS I’M DEAD🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’m gonna wake up my whole neighborhood because I’m laughing too hard🤣