Fictional Aromantics!

The particular part of it I want to address here is…pretty difficult to talk about, as it is easily misinterpreted, but I still want to express my feelings so, here I go. 

Obviously, the subject is shipping. Namely, “gay” shipping (I here differentiate “gay” from lesbian). Before anything, there are so many mlm ships because, well. Women are less of 30% speaking roles in movies, and it’s not really different in other kind of media. So, with so few women, because alloros still gonna ship, even straight people are going to ship men together: het couples are still doable in small numbers, and lesbian ships will have a hard time given women don’t exist in fiction. So yeah, it’s just stats here, that, out of all the ships, so many are gay.

And I absolutely don’t have an issue with it - if I have to see or read romance, then I’d rather it not be straight. What bothers me, is when people try to “justify” their ship. Not in a “here’s why I ship them” but “here’s why it’s basically canon”. And that’s where you start to see a difference between gay ships, and, for an example, lesbian ones. Any positive interaction between men is seen as “basically canon romance”. And it bothers me. It’s nothing new or revolutionary, but it’s just another way to show how men aren’t allowed positive relationships in their lives. In the context of fandom, friendship can’t exist for men: we’re so unused to seeing men having friends, that people will immediately jump and say “romance”. 

I see that less with female characters. Of course, straight people will ship any man + woman, but it’s generally canon (because straights can’t leave anything alone) so I guess it’s different, even when there’s 0 romantic chemistry between the characters (99% of the time, yes, I know). But, when people ship a lesbian relationship, the “justifications” are different. Basic interaction isn’t made out to be oh so romantic, like, looking at someone for 0.1 second. Lesbian ships often need more than that, even when female characters have positive interactions. 

I *really* don’t want to fall into the “not everything has to be gay”, especially because, if you replace “gay” with a more general “queer” then that’s actually what I want, but…it is really telling, the way male characters aren’t allowed friendships, or any kind of non-romantic relationship, really. It makes me uncomfortable, but also pretty sad for men, honestly? 

Why are most themes related to romantic or sexual love? Why is the magic of friendship a child’s theme?

Isn’t the need for unyielding support from friends more useful to an adult?

all of the characters interactions are motivated by attraction

it’s always love at first sight

caring and being in love are mutually inclusive

Man with two daughters losses his wife (Accident, cancer maybe?). She was the love of his life and best friend and he takes it hard.

Two years later his daughter take note of a new resident in the town. A single young woman who seems to share a lot of interests. They decide she’s perfect. 

Thus the movie continues with the daughters comedic attempts to get the new lady and their father to run into each other and talk to each other. Finally they tip their hand and their Dad catches them. 

He sits them down and explains that he wishes they could have a mother, but he’s not ready to start dating and honestly he may never be. The daughters roll their eyes.

“We know that Dad. We weren’t trying to get you a girlfriend.”

“We were trying to get you a friend-friend.”

“You’ve pushed away everyone else since Mom died. You talk to anyone or write to them.”

“So we found someone who you never met, so you wouldn’t be haunted by the time you spent with them and Mom.”

“Someone who into the same things, so you’d have plenty to talk about.”

“And some who was probably at least a little lonely too.”

“Not everything’s about romance Dad.”

And with the pressure off and the knowledge that they do understand, the dad does become friends with the Lady. He never dates or remarries, but that’s okay because he’s okay with it and not moping.  He helps the Lady when she gets married and they remain close friends.

I am writing an aro/ace character for my original story and I would really appreciate feedback from people who are aro and/or ace to ensure that I’m writing her in a way that is not offensive, wrong, or otherwise negative for aro/ace people.

If anyone who identifies as aro and/or ace would be willing to take a look at this character and give me advice and feedback for writing her in a way that provides good representation then that would be amazing help.

Her characterization does not rely on being aro/ace but there are still aspects of who she is as a character such as her response to touch and platonic love that I want to make as positive as possible for the community.

Please, if anyone who identifies as aro and/or ace could lend a hand I will be forever grateful. And, if you don’t identify as aro and/or ace reblogging this post and getting the word out there would be amazing as well.

How can I make it clear, through my writing, that a Male-female relationship is entirely platonic? The issue is that do do traditional relationship-type things like cuddling, but for a good reason. Both characters are inherently traumatized, with the mc suffering from PTSD. One of the only things that makes the female mc feel safe enough to sleep is to have the male cuddle her. While these two characters pursue a romantic relationship later in the book, I want to make it clear that at this point, the feelings are simply friendly. I do want readers to ship the two- but not this early on. Both characters made a lot of mistakes in the past that need to be overcome before a healthy relationship can develop. 

How can I make it clear, through my writing, that a Male-female relationship is entirely platonic? The issue is that do do traditional relationship-type things like cuddling, but for a good reason. Both characters are inherently traumatized, with the mc suffering from PTSD. One of the only things that makes the female mc feel safe enough to sleep is to have the male cuddle her. While these two characters pursue a romantic relationship later in the book, I want to make it clear that at this point, the feelings are simply friendly. I do want readers to ship the two- but not this early on. Both characters made a lot of mistakes in the past that need to be overcome before a healthy relationship can develop. 

I feel like what makes the difference between something being romantic and something being What Society Says Is Romance is the connection between people.

Let’s say two people arrive on my doorstep. One of them has a bouquet of expensive roses from the florist. The other one has a dead bird in a plastic bag. We all know which one is to be considered the romantic gift (hint: it’s not the corpse)

And it’s not like I don’t like flowers or am allergic or anything, I would probably be flattered. But I have no connection to roses, and like, you can give roses to more or less anyone

Dead birds are not a standard gift, for pretty obvious reasons. A person bringing me a corpse in a plastic bag had to know me well enough to know that I collect bones and process them myself, and you don’t go shopping for birds in the Dead Bird Shop around the corner, so that means this person didn’t go out with the intent of getting me something and came back with an Appropriate Gift, they probably stumbled across something and thought about me (this ‘something’ just so happens to be a dead bird, because I’m weird) And then they had to go through the process of picking this bird up and bagging it and bringing it to me, probably pretty spontaneously and without a calendar event that says Find Dead Bird For Raptor with a timeslot between three and four pm.

You can’t have Corpse I Found In a Ditch be romantic without some sort of connection here. Roses can be romantic, but it can also just, be a formula. Two plos Two Equals Romance. A shortcut for ‘I care about you‘, even though the person might …. not, actually.

If it’s someone who loves fresh flowers in their home but rarely has the money to buy large arrangements, or like OP’s example where person A gets the chocolates because they know their s.o. thinks the boxes are super cute, then we have Standard Romantic Actions actually be romantic, but they might as well not be.

This is where my squad has the joke of someone posting a picture of a dead rat to the skype chat and goes ‘Raptor I saw this and thought of you‘ and I go -exaggerated gasping noise- “how dare you blatantly flirt with me right in front of my girlfriend“ from (and also THIS JOKE that bunch of people were confused about). Because there’s INTEREST and CONNECTION there. They’re obviosuly not actually trying to steal me from my gf, but there is a human connection and a knowledge of who I am and what I want to be associated with. The humor then comes in from the self-awareness that this could very much be the opposite of a compliment in, like, probably most other situations ever.

So TL;DR: Things can’t be romantic without the connection between people, no matter how ‘inherit‘ people claim the gesture is. However, more or less anything can be a romantic gesture if there’s the right connection and consideration behind it. Taking out the trash can be romantic. Bringing home a dead fox can be romantic. There’s no Romance Shortcuts. You have to actually care about the other person (sorry, Writers Of Like 9 Out Of 10 Mainstream Movies), there’s no way around it.

So basically: Care about each other!! If you’re writing, write characters who care about each other!! And if you don’t know what character A could do for character B, you might wanna look into whether or not you’ve made a Cardboard Love Interest, like I feel many mainstream writers do. But that’s a whooooole ‘nother can of worms.

There’s so many cans of worms.

Oh god there’s so many worms.