people when someones canon orientation is erased: donāt erase peopleās orientation for your ships!!! we need more canon rep and erasing it is wrong!!
people when the character in question is aspec: eh nvm who cares lol

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people when someones canon orientation is erased: donāt erase peopleās orientation for your ships!!! we need more canon rep and erasing it is wrong!!
people when the character in question is aspec: eh nvm who cares lol

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This is. A bit weird but. Like Iāve mentioned recently, Iām part of a group of people trying to create a local queer collective. And Iāve learnt some time ago, that one of the members of this collective is aphobic. LikeĀ āI donāt feel like sayingĀ āacephobiaā orĀ āarophobiaā because they donāt existā level of aphobic.
Which is bad enough, and honestly it doesnāt make me want to interact with her because, what an asshole lmao. The problem is, sheās a trans woman. So, it doesnāt feel good to outright dismiss her as an asshole, even though I donāt have the energy to educate her. If I see her and it comes up, Iāll just spam her with sources, whatever.*
Another issue arise though: excl/us/ion/ism, as we all know, is pretty popular among...te/rfs. So, while I donāt wantĀ to use up my energy for an aphobe, I canāt help knowing having this kind of bullshit in her head is dangerous for her (also, letās be honest, itās really fucking dangerous for the aspec people in her life, but itās apparently not important to care about us so). So, while my actual main goal in wanting to make her change her mind is, the safety of one particular aroace person I know (theyāre close), Iām also genuinely worried she might end up hurting herself because of her wrong beliefs. And I donāt know if showing/explaining to her how te/rfs have popularized aphobia and thrive on it would help? Like, trying to appeal to her own interests at first before getting her to care bout other people and trust/believe us?
I have no idea on if this would work or not. I donāt know her that much, weāve barely met, and I donāt want to put the work into an aphobe with no garanty that theyāll at least change to be respectful of aspec people.Ā
So yeah itās a bit of a complicated situation. Maybe I just shouldnāt care but like I said, thereās this aroace person I care about in this equation. Thoughts?
*On that, I have some pretty convincing studies/reports about acephobia, but not so much about arophobia? Iām thinking about the GLSEN report that is very good for aces, but they didnāt care enoguh about us to survey aro people
listen itās nice that the crewniverse went all āitāll never be said in-show but peridot is the showās aroace rep!!!!!!!ā but FUCK does it feel utterly meaningless. like,Ā ādumbledore is gayā level of tokenism. itās not the first time it was said that peridot is aspec. they had TONS of time to try and figure out how to slip it into the show. just one word. i mean itās STEVEN UNIVERSE. this show is ALL OUT with the lgbt+ rep⦠except with aspec people apparently? our representation is just a production footnote? and how fucking HORRIBLE is it that the crew person who let us know about periās identity is aspec themself? imagine working on this show, doing storyboards, pouring your heart into a character thatās supposed to share your identity, to be your rep - and see it never get to be said?
iām just⦠su, i really do love you, but you fucking let us aspecs down.
been seeing a lot of disgustingĀ āuhhhh well iām not gonna believe it until rebecca says itā-type comments and thatās EXACTLY why we fucking NEEDED periās identity to be EXPLICITLY CANON.
Can we also talk about how her identity was confirmed in relation to how she feels about shipping?
Iām SO tired of the āaro who is obsessed with ships because theyāre āinterestingā stereotype. People are really so incapable of comprehending the concept of anyone living a life without romance, so they try to replace it. If the aro doesnāt want romance for themself, clearly they must be overly invested in other peopleās relationships to make up for it! Right? Like yes, there are aros who are into shipping and thatās fine, but aro identities should not be talked about exclusively in relation to shipping.
When your rep feels like a side character poorly written circa 2016 Voltron fanfic, thatās not good rep. Iām really not happy about this. I know weāre supposed to all be cheering and throwing ourselves at the SU teamās feet for being ~brave~ enough to write an aroace character, but fuck, do I REALLY have to thank someone for giving me a single stale bread crumb?
[From Daniel Slossā show on Netflix
Transcript: We have romanticized the idea of romance, and it is cancerous. And when you raise children in that world, where everything points towards love and everything's perfect on the outside, when we become an adult for the first time in our late teens and our early 20s, we're so terrified. We're so trying to be an adult that some of us will take the wrong person, the wrong jigsaw piece and just fucking jam them into our jigsaws anyway, denying that they clearly don't fit. I'm gonna force this fucking person into our lives because we'd much rather have something thant nothing. People are more in love with the idea of love than the person they are with. 55% of marraiges end in divorce. 90. Nine Zero. Percent of relationships that started before they are 30 end. If those were the stats for surgery, none of us would fucking risk it. But because it's love and we're stupid, we just lie on the operating table like, "Maybe this time I don't die inside." There's nothing wrong with being alone. There's nothing wrong with taking time to work out who you are because how can you offer who you are if you don't know who you are? There's nothing wrong with being selfish for a bit, because you've got the rest of your life to be selfless. If you only love yourself at 20%, that Ā means somebody can come along and love you 30%. You're like, "Wow, that's so much." It's literally less than half. Whereas if you love yourself 100%, a person that falls in love with you has to go above and beyond the call of duty to make you feel special. End transcript]
Queercore

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Today onĀ āplatonic variations of romantic tropesā, consider: Character A doodling their first name with Character Bās last name⦠because they want Character B to adopt them.
[ID: The Scooby Doo ghost meme. In the first panel, Fred looks at a ghost, labelled āHave you seen how they interact? Thereās no way theyāre just friendsā, and says āOkay gang, letās see who the ghost really is.ā In the second panel, Fred pulls off the mask and looks at a man labelled āSociety has brainwashed me into thinking that romance is inherently more valuable than friendship, and as a result I will insist that anything that transgresses the confines of what I deem acceptable levels of care, affection, and dedication in a friendship must have a romantic component to itā. End ID]
One thing I do like about romantic vocabulary is that donāt express your romantic feelings, you donāt explain them, no, you confess
Like oh, you want a romantic relationship with this person? Well go ahead then, confess to your crimes
I donāt know where I stand on a particular romance clichĆ©. Specifically, when you have A in romance with their friend B, but A knows B will not reciprocate. In media like in real life, A will either, still want to confess, or will be encouraged to. The official logic is generally something about honesty, but letās get real, a lot of the time, itās because Aās still expecting somehow. Which is human, even when you know something wonāt happen, thereās often some amount of unconscious expectation/hope.
And honestly, I just donāt know how I feel about this culture of always giving the burden of knowledge to B. I mean, itās useless knowledge for B at best, and itās harmful at worst. By harmful I mean, either, itāll ruin the friendship (given thereās a lack of friendship on Aās part) or, worse, it could pressure B.Ā
And on the other hand, I...think I can understand the desire to be honest with the people in your life? Not that I think not confessing is being dishonest but yeah. One could feel like theyāre hiding the truth and feel uncomfortable with that.Ā
So I understand the feeling, but imposing those on B really rubs me the wrong way. Depending on the actual intent it could result in terrible consequences, but even with good intents, it doesnāt really bring B anything (maybe some people get an ego boost out of this, but I donāt really get it so Iām not qualified to talk about it).
I respect where youāre coming from with wanting to āde-romanticize loveā. I do. But I am begging you to understand this is already a WILDLY common thing.
Letās start out on the right foot. You donāt respect me or where Iām coming from. The respectful thing to do would have been to contact me and ask me to explain, not to send me an anonymous ask telling me Iām wrong.
Just because you can tell your friends you love them doesnāt mean the concept of love isnāt highly romance-coded.
While non-romantic love is acknowledged in the society I live in, it is never prioritised. If you say āloveā āIām in loveā or āI love youā in a general sphere without the context of a specific pre-established non-romantic relationship, youāre assumed to be talking about romantic love as that is the default.
Deromanticising love is not about you being able to tell a friend you love them. Itās about being able to talk about love without it being romance-coded by others.
If love were deromanticised, committed non-romantic relationships would be more common. It would be commonplace to see people hold their close friends at the same level of priority (or higher!) than their romantic partners. It would be commonplace to see friends marrying, entering civil partnerships, or otherwise legally declaring their commitment to each other. Co-parenting between friends would be commonplace. Seeing friends external to a romantic relationship but internal to a system of co-parents/guardians would be commonplace. More people in romantic marriages would feel safe to make space for other important people in their lives. More men would feel less isolated. Aromantics wouldnāt feel like they had to seek romantic relationships for a chance at closeness.
Deromanticising love isnāt āmaking it okay to tell your friends you love themā, itās more radical than that. Itās changing the paradigm around relationships in western society. Thereās much more to it than just this, but I wonāt write you an essay.

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Weāre making a queer collective for my small city, and to organize weāve made a discord server. We can invite queer people living nearby to join said server, and recently, a guy joined. A classmate of mine. Heās a chill guy, I really like him, so while he never really came out to me, I was likeĀ ānoiceā.Ā
And he arrived in the presentation channelĀ āIām probably somewhere on the aromantic spectrumā and I just.Ā
I KNEW IT DUDE I FUCKING KNEW IT
Why would you be interested in reading the only published manga about an aromantic character if you were alloro huh. I never asked but of course itās because youāre arospec.Ā
people who tag ships as 'platonic' or 'romantic' are top tier, and to the rest of you who don't please consider doing so
Iāve come across this post and it made me think of our community? By that I donāt mean the aro community, but the larger LGBTQIA+ community.Ā
You know, the concept of cousins basically being the basis of it.Ā āWeāre different but the results in our normative are the same for all of us, so letās bundle up!ā
And I like the idea of someone whoās not of a precise identity being able to pitch in about a similar experience theyāve lived through. Being aĀ ācousinā is something I experience both in terms of queerness (though here itās often pejorative as in ānot gay enoughā) and neurodivergence which is why Iām allowing myself to draw this parallel.Ā
Iām tired of identity politics and the idea that you can only speak if you have the corresponding identity, regardless of your lived experience. Sure, we need to find a balance, because itās still not nice to talk over other people, or make someone elseās experience about yourself, but thatās not what Iām talking about. Itās really about the precise symptoms, and by symptoms I mean, consequences on your life, or NTs/CisStraight peopleās reactions to you.Ā
Does that make sense? I think using this kind of logical could help the community come together more.
Hi! I became apart of the aro community this last summer and has been the most validating experience for me. Even though I now identify as aro I have been in relationships that all ended on good terms so Iām actually on talking terms with my exs. And one of my exs is talking to me right now. Itās pretty platonic but I donāt know if I should tell them I identify as aro now? Thoughts?
Hey, Iām happy finding the aro community has been such a positive experience for you!
Well, Iād say you have to ask yourself why you want to come out to them. Is it because youāre friends with them, and want them to know, like any other friend? Is it because youāre worried a bit theyāre interested in you in a non platonic way? Is it because, as theyāre your ex, you feel like you owe them someĀ ātruthā? Or maybe you think it could be nice for them to know youāre aro, so maybe they can help other people find out about this identity?
Maybe clarifying the root of your questionment can help you find your answer. Of course, you donāt owe anyone anything, but from your ask, I doubt thatās where youāre coming from (you also donāt seem to be worried about a potential arophobic response).
So yeah, ask yourself about the reason youād want to tell them, and also, what is to be gained from this coming out. A friend who gets who you are, some peace and comfort of mind?Ā
Hope this helps!
I just wanted to talk about relationship anarchy for a minute? Okay context--
I recently met someone who I think is cool and nice to talk to. Iāve met them while they were at a very low point, and I just decided to help them a bit because I could (I knew I could, because Iāve known Iām aro for a while now, and part of their issues was a recent realization that theyāre aro).Ā
I didnāt doĀ āa lotā, just my usual emotional support to soothe them and, when they were okay enough, I did push them a bit so they could rest (which they knew they needed a lot but couldnāt achieve because reasons). We spent the following day together, and got joined by some other people we know. It was a very nice day, just doing non-stressful things, and offering support when sometimes, the problems came back. It was honestly pretty enjoyable for me too, when usually spending a whole day outside will leave me with absolutely no spoon before it even ends, this day I had just enough to get back home safely. And my initial goal was making this person feel better, not particularly having a good day for myself!Ā
And yet, it was good. Sure, I think I could become friends with this person, and would love it if it happened. But, even if it doesnāt, it wonāt change the fact that this day spent together was enjoyable.
Iām so used to doing things for others (and Iām sure a lot of you relate) and worrying about being tossed aside after Iāve helped them, that Iāve now realized itās been difficult for me to just enjoy things. Because I was always helping people to the point where I was just a recovery tool, I stressed a lot over being efficient and, even more, not being disliked. Because I had invested a lot into these people. But it wasnāt the case here. I hadnāt invested anything, I had just stumbled upon a stressful situation: we had just met the day before!
I didnāt give advice, didnāt even try to, because it wasnāt what they were asking for and, because we didnāt know each other, they couldnāt realistically ask for that: I donāt know anything about their life. And I think this lack of expectation - from both sides - made the enjoyment we had possible.
(Because of the context we met in, we also knew we had the same political values, and wereĀ āsafeā which definitely helps a lot to have a positive experience. The time spent together was not superficial or anything thanks to that trust. Thought it was worth mentioning)
Weāre not close, weāre not even friends. Just two people who met by chance and had a moment. And I think itās important to value such relationships too. Itās freeing. And yes, maybe sometimes, close relationships can begin that way, which is totally cool! But this kind of experience doesnāt have to lead to a friendship or any kind of more defined relationship.Ā
Iām not saying I want my life filled with only fleeting moments, because that would be tiring (Iām a spoonie, please donāt ask me too much) but...Iāve realized that I very much desire to have those kinds of passing relationships in my life. They may not be the only thing needed to fulfill what I want out of life, but those kinds of moments are still extremely valuable, and I hope my life will have more of those.Ā

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oh to have a group of lgbt friends where we all have wildly different styles and and interests but we all go on trips with each other and support each otherās goals and we live in one little apartment but weāve made it cozy and our home and we have a homemade meal every night seated at our thrifted dinner table with mismatched chairs, except for thursday night where we agreed to have takeout in our living room and play board games
Guys I just want you to know that you always come first. Love is wonderful and great but if it means undermining you identity and not being true to yourself then itās not worth it. You are the only constant in your life so put yourself first