feral-bard

❤️‍🩹 Come up, darling, let us start to heal together ❤️‍🩹

What if Aziraphale hadn't left Crowley in that dirty alleyway? What if he had helped him up and held him close?

Me: WHY did Azi choose to look like a demon clown lmao?

Me five minutes later: WHY IS HE ACTUALLY INTIMIDATING???

Because when Crowley's in charge of designing his little angel cosplay, he dresses like an utter dweeb.

But Aziraphale really just took Crowley's outfit and shifted the hue 😂

"You're going to have to do it, Angel."

"Excuse me?"

(wriggles fingers) "Make me look like one of your lot."

"You can't be serious. Heaven is getting emptier by the minute and besides, it's not like a disguise would really fool anyone."

"Last time Muriel said I looked like a hornet. A murder hornet. The last thing we need is to get swarmed by a bunch of fledgling angels eager to make a head start on the next celestial war."

"Oh for the love of- Fine." (he snaps his fingers dismissively at Crowley) "There you go."

"You're not serious."

(defensively) "I am."

"Angel you've barely changed a thing."

"Yes, I have!" (He pops a mirror into existence to prove his point) "Look at yourself."

"You only gone and changed the colour."

"I also changed the fabric."

"Ohhh don't even get me started on the gold... is this polyester?-"

(outraged) "How dare you. That's Tela aurea, you utter philistine!-"

"I'm the philistine? You've turned me into a ... vanilla version of myself."

"Well I think you look nice."

(Crowley looks back and forth between his outfit and Aziraphale. His brow furrows in a way that makes it clear he's squinting behind his glasses.)

"What is it now?"

"Did you really match my jacket to your tie?"

"Not even remotely, my tie is actually a shade or two darker and-"

"And these cheeky little streaks you've added to my hair, was that to symbolize all the stress you've caused me-"

"I'm sure I have no idea what you mean-"

(smirks) "-or are you just marking your territory, can't help but notice the color is seems pretty close to your own hair-?"

(brightly and frantically) "Dear me! Would your look at the time, we really should be getting a move on-"

"Are you afraid some other angel might make a play?"

Aziraphale's bond with Crowley was built over their shared millenia on earth.

Thousands of years in which he's had a front row seat to Crowley's capacity for goodness and acts of kindness.

(Kindnesses that were arguably more impressive after his fall because they were performed at great personal risk.)

And the whole point of season one was that Aziraphale had to unlearn the instinct to reduce them to their roles of angel and demon and choose him anyway.

Delivering this speech in the past tense ("you were the best of us, you cared so much, ... ") is so diminishing because Crowley still has all those qualities despite being a demon. He's been demonstrating them for millenia and Aziraphale knows that.

"god, i WISH i could eat that"

why can't you?

"oh it would go RIGHT to my hips"

in what sense?

"oh my metabolism just isn't what it used to be"

and one little treat will kill you on contact?

LOOK ME, A FAT WOMAN, IN THE EYES AND SAY WHAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY THINKING

YOU'RE SCARED OF LOOKING LIKE ME, AND I WANT YOU TO EITHER SAY IT TO ME AND TO YOURSELF, OR HUSH TF UP

I'M NOT PLAYING THIS GAME

I REFUSE

I WILL PLAY STUPID, AND WE WILL SIT HERE AND STARE AT EACH OTHER UNTIL YOU PONY UP AND SAY THE ACTUAL THING YOU WANT TO SAY OR LEARN NOT TO FUCK AROUND WITH ME

I'M THE ONE WITH THE ENERGY OF A CHOCOLATE CROISSANT FUELING ME

You made it to the end so now I ramble!