Satan runs a service where the average mortal can call in and get connected to a local demon, whoâll be happy to give them whatever they desireâ in exchange for their soul. Being a broke demon looking to make some cash, youâre looking to get hired. Describe your job interview/your first day on the job.
Even a demon needs some scratch, right?
I mean, sure, most donât expect the denizens of the Underworld to be gainfully employed, but we canât just prop up our feet(hooves, claws, whateverâŚ) and relax. Hell is expensive! They werenât lying when they said money was root of all evil, and after leaving my old job I didnât have enough roots to support a sapling. So when a position opened on the Hell-perâs Hotline I was willing to give it a shot.
It sounded easy; take a call, grant a favor, set up soul collection paperwork. No biggie. Once I got my assigned cubicle and worked my headset around my horns, I kicked back and waited for my first client.
BEEEEEP!Â
Alright, that didnât take long. âHell-perâs Hotline, youâve got Lucie.â
âUhhhh, hello?â
âYes. Youâve reached the Hell-perâs Hotline. How may I assist you?â
My caller stayed silent and I could instantly visualize him. Young guy, completely average in size and looks. Lived in one of those big cities where it was easy to get lost in. Unsure about pretty much everything, no wonder he called.
âOh⌠wow,â he still sounded fairly surprised. âDidnât think this would work.â
âWell it did. Now, whatâs your name?â
âUhh, Milton, Milton Leonard.â
âOne moment please.â
I turned off my mic to hide my snickering at the irony and punched his information into my console while letting him listen to dreadful hold music. When I came back on he sighed with relief.
âAlright Milton, what would you like?
âCan I have anything?âÂ
Good question, even down here there are checks and balances. I looked at my screen for more details. âYouâve lived a fairly nondescript life. No huge achievements but no major sins. Your soulâs worth a Level 5 favor.â
âWhatâs that mean?â
âMeans I canât promise worldwide fame or immense wealth, but I can make your existence more comfortable.â
âSo no winning jackpot numbers?â He sounded deflated.
âNot my department. You want Prophesy, and theyâre currently shut down due to unforeseen circumstances.â
âWhat is your department?
âWas. Used to be Fraud. Needed a break though, been way too busy lately. Election year and all that.â
âOh.â
This was starting to drag on and I was craving a smoke, Milton needed some nudging. âOk Milty, you called for something. Whatâs causing the most difficulty in your life right now?â
He hummed thoughtfully, then stated, âMy car.â
âYour car?â
âYes! Between payments, insurance, and parking I donât have money for anything else.â He grunted in frustration. âIn fact I just took it in to get the brake pads replaced and they told me the rotors were shot. Cost me all my vacation money.â
âYour car, huh?âÂ
Sounded easy enough. I typed in a few lines and struck enter. Within seconds I could hear the explosion through the phone and Miltonâs yelp. âWhat the hell was that?â
âYour problem is gone.â
âWha⌠wha,.. what?â Milton sounded sick and I heard a thud that was probably him dropping to his knees. âYou blew it up?â
âNot exactly. There were wiring issues and it blew itself up. Was probably going to happen anyway, I just gave it a push.â
He paused for a long time before asking, âNow what?â
âThe insurance company examines the remains and pays up. Oooh.â Struck by inspiration my claws flew over my keyboard. âThere! Now theyâll discover the fuel sensor that shouldâve been recalled. Theyâll bring it to the attention of the automotive company who will issue you a substantial check, make up for that vacation you missed. Consider it a Level 6 upgrade at no extra charge.â
âWow, really? Thanks!â
âThatâs what we do.â I leaned back in my seat feeling pleased with myself, âIâll have the collection paperwork out right away. Just need to sign it. The faster that happens, the faster you get paid. Then weâll be seeing that soul of yours soon.â
âWhoa, wait!â Milton squeaked, âWhat do you mean âsoonâ? How long is âsoonâ?â
âSorry Milty, not my department.â




























