Feed Me Romance & Tell Me I'm Pretty

"Yes you preening arse, I've wanted you long enough that I won't have you tease me for another fucking second."

My kid is continually horrified by the fact I not only read romance novels, but that I blog about them. And talk loudly about them in front of their friends.

"Mother! There are minors present!" They will loudly yell as soon as I mention the title of my latest book. But this time, there was no need for that. As soon as I mentioned the title of the book I was reading, it was quickly met with, "Yeah, I know that one. It's a movie too." Damn it, another lost opportunity to make my kid blush. Oh well.

This story is the perfect mash-up for anyone looking for a cute romance (low on the spice meter) and also a few political namedrops. The fact our main character Alex *also* refers to the Sith Lord as Bitch McConnell made my whole day. And here I thought my kid was so clever for coming up with that one on their own.

Alex Claremont-Diaz is the first son of President Ellen Claremont, and Prince Henry (sorry, his whole name is way too damn long) is, well, a Prince. After an incident at Prince Phillip's wedding involving too much alcohol (Alex) and a wedding cake, the two basically cause an international incident. They're forced into a fake friendship to prove there are no political tensions between the two countries, and of course sparks start to fly.

But it's complicated: Henry doesn't feel his family will accept him coming out, and he's not sure how England will feel about a gay prince. Meanwhile, it's an election year, and Alex doesn't want to ruin his mother's chances at re-election. Steamy emails between the two of them are eventually leaked, and the world is far more accepting than anyone anticipates.

Personally, that's the fairy tale part for me. I've mentioned before I'm the mother of a queer kid and while we tend to keep a safe, accepting bubble of people around us, I've seen homophobia firsthand (hiiii North Carolina! I'll never forget the gaping stares at the Food Lion. Thanks for breaking my heart when my child told me, "I'm basically a hate crime waiting to happen here." Truly the vacation memories every mother hopes for!). We've made an active effort to plan vacations in places that are more LGBTQIA friendly, and seeing my kid light up when they see other queer people holding hands in public makes it all worth it.

I hate that being gay is still seen as a personality defect, and that it's a shameful secret families need to keep hidden. I hate people are still saying things like, "Aren't you too young to be making that decision?" like falling in love is a decision you make with your brain and not your heart. I hate that having a gay kid could hold someone back from winning a political office. I remind my kid all the time, their sexuality is the least interesting part about them. They're artistic, creative, fucking hilarious, kind, oh, and also queer. I hate that the world doesn't accept and embrace LGBTQIA people the way my family does. Kindness is truly a lost art in this world.

This was a wonderful world to escape into for a few days, one with a happy ending (no pun inteded) and where even the state of Texas could be flipped blue in a presidential election.

A mom can dream, right?

XOXO,

Last week I braved the sweltering heat to attend the MKE Books & Beers event held in the Deer District.

There were so many amazing vendors, so many cute "blind date with a book options" and even cheap books from the Milwaukee Public Library. I made the mistake of buying several large romantasy books and having to haul them around for the remainder of the evening. Oh well... good excuse to buy a cute tote bag!

Of all the vendors there, my hands down favorite was Bewitched Between Bindings: a candle company that makes candles based on your favorite main characters! If you've got a realm you're obsessed with, chances are good she's got a candle for it. We're talking ACOTAR, Heated Rivalry, Butcher & Blackbird, and even Dungeon Crawler Carl. I splurged on two delicious candles...

Don't at me about a Tamlin candle. I felt dirty about it, but the scent was just delicious. The High Lord of the Night Court will be coming home with me after the next event... just saying!

And while I've always been more of an Ilya than a Shane girly, Shane just smelled better to me. And!!! She's got a Cottage scented candle which also smells delicious.

I just saw a posting that the mastermind behind these delicious candles will be at Chillith Fair at Humboldt Park on July 14th- go check her out and take home a book boyfriend of your own! Or if you're not Milwaukee based, check out her website and order a book boyfriend to be delivered right to your front door.

Fingers crossed for an Off Campus candle series soon? Pretty please?

Here's a fun fact about Feed Me Romance: I spent my formative college years working in an independent bookstore. It was the best job I've ever had. If only it paid the bills as well as pharmaceuticals... le sigh. But I will always have a soft spot in my heart for a cozy, sweet bookstore.

I spent the evening at a music festival, and stopped by to see what the ladies at The Well Red Damsel were promoting. Of course I had to pick up some new stickers and swag, perfect for the upcoming MKE Books & Beers event on June 30th!

If you're local to the Milwaukee area, please go check out Well Red Damsel: they have excellent, curated selections based on your favorite flavor of romance. They also have an extensive LGBTQIA section, which I appreciate. Go nerd out and tell them Feed Me Romance sent you!

XOXO,

"You make a deal with the devil when you become famous. You sign away your right to a normal life. To normal friendships and relationships. To walking down the street without being harassed. And that's fair enough if you want money and notoriety that badly; but it wasn't even me who signed my life away."

Those of you who have been around since post one know my thoughts on cute romance books. Abso-freaking-lutely not. I don't read 'em, don't like 'em, and rarely leave them kind reviews. The snark is strong with this one.

When I saw the cover of this book club selection, I groaned. It looked cute. But Lily Gold was kind enough to provide an author's note: "...don't be fooled by the cute cartoon cover- it's very spicy!" Thanks Lily, I appreciate the warning, I mean, words of comfort.

Actress Briar Saint has a reputation of being Britan's Biggest Bitch, but this reputation hasn't prevented her stalker, X, from breaking into her house and (gag alert) pleasuring himself all over her bed. Her bodyguard didn't catch X, because he was too busy hooking up with her PR Manager. Briar fires the worthless bodyguard, and her PR Manager apologizes by hiring her three hot bodyguards from Angel Security.

There's Glen Smith, the Scottish teddy bear with the facial scarring, Kenta Li, the ponytailed voice of reason with the back tattoo, and Matt Carter, the most traditionally handsome of the three, with PTSD and a bad temper. The three of them served together in the military, which caused Matt's PTSD.

Of the three, he's the least excited about the job, he thinks Briar is a stuck-up bitch and wants nothing to do with her. The other two have read about X and are more concerned about Briar's safety. Eventually they agree on 24/7 protection, and they move onto Briar's estate.

Briar is also struggling with some PTSD after X's attack, and she's not getting much sleep. She quickly finds having Glen in her bed helps make her more comfortable. It also makes her vagina more comfortable, if you know what I mean. Briar learns the men are used to sharing women, and pretty soon they're all falling like dominoes. Glen is first, then Kenta, and finally Matt. And then all together.

A lot of all together.

We also get a few chapters from X's POV, which was kind of unique to a romance novel. Of course he ends up kidnapping Briar, holds her hostage, and the bodyguards eventually rescue her and save the day. Through it all, Briar proves she's more than her bad reputation, and wins over the hearts and penises of her bodyguards.

The book ends with a predictably cheesy HEA, but honestly I can't hate on this book. It's well written, the author tackles difficult topics well (stalking, the dangers of celebrity life, PTSD), and most importantly, the sex was hot.

I'm disappointed to be missing my book club discussion, but my kid's band is performing at the world's largest music festival, and that pulls rank. Well, that and a Saz's sampler platter. If you're from Wisconsin, you KNOW what I'm talking about.

I'd be curious to hear which bodyguard was everyone's favorite. If pressed, I'd have to pick Glen. I'm a sucker for a Scottish accent, and big burly bears are my type (my husband's nickname is actually Bear). But if you've read this book, drop your favorite bodyguard in the comments!

XOXO,

"That's always been the way of things. Once I serve my purpose to the men who need me, I am pushed aside, because I have only had one worth to them."

I don't know what I was expecting for book five in this series, but it wasn't what I read. Instead of the entire book being about Auren and Slade finding their way back to one another, it was the story of three queens finding their true identity. Don't get me wrong, Slade spends a lot of the book rotting kingdoms and exacting revenge, but it's not his story.

The book starts with Queen Malina being held hostage by the creepy twins after she repaired the bridge of Lemuria and unleashing all fae hell. But, she's not alone in her cell, the shadow assassin, Dommik, who Midas hired to kill her is still hanging about. He tells her he'll help her escape when he feels like she's changed. Malina is furious, she just wants out of the damn cage.

And then Auren... she fell through the rip Slade created to rescue her, and she ends up in Geisel, Annwyn- which is where she's originally from. And great news, her ribbons are back! I mean, they can't do anything, but they're back and serving as the ultimate fashion accessory. Auren was rescued by Estelia, her grandson Thursil, and his wife Nenet. They are part of the resistance and believe Auren is a descendant of Saira Turley, who crossed the bridge of Lemuria and left Orea for Annwyn. Villagers believed she fell from the sky, just like Auren.

There's a civil war brewing between the villagers and the monarchy, who try to suppress any talk of the second coming of Saira Turley. But the villagers are amped: "Our new broken-winged bird has flown back home... the last-birthed Turley returned to us like a golden dawn."

Of course villagers start to chatter, and the Stone Swords start tearing the village apart looking for Auren. Estelia ends up murdered, and Auren flees the village and takes up with a group of resistance fighters, hiding out in the woods and plotting. Honestly, that's A LOT of the book.

Malina is shadow jumping with Dommik, and sexual tension starts to build. She's trying to resist him, because she still believes she's married in the eyes of God. She hasn't gotten the memo about Midas yet. But the heat is building: "If I get on my knees, it will be for an entirely different sort of devotion that would have nothing to do with you being a queen."

Malina and Dommik make it back to Highbell in order to tell the villagers the bridge is re-built, and they need to prepare for war with the fae, who are marching in their direction. Malina is shocked when she finds Queen Kaila at the castle, talking about how Midas is dead, and she's the new queen. Malina tries to challenge her and tell her about the oncoming fae war, but Malina isn't having it. To make matters worse, the villagers all love Kaila compared to The Cold Queen.

At one point, Kaila locks Malina in Auren's old cage, and Malina wonders how Auren survived. Could it be that our Elsa is thawing just a little bit? She breaks out of the cage and starts building a huge ice wall to protect the village from the fae army. In a truly maddening moment, Kaila breaks down part of the wall, so she can sit on it and receive gifts from the villagers. But once the fae army appears, she nopes out of the kingdom, leaving them to die.

Malina is exhausted from building the ice wall and tries to get the villagers into the woods safe from the army. But she still finds time to bang it out in the alley with Dommik. It seems like strange timing, but Dommik tells her it's perfect timing- they need to remember why they're alive and what they're fighting for. Ok, I guess? Eventually they make their way into the woods and find a few dozen villagers who pledge their allegiance to her and thank her for the warning about the fae army attack. Malina's redemptive arc is really impressive.

Meanwhile, Slade is rotting everything, including his own heart. He even kidnaps Kaila's brother, Manu, as retribution for kidnapping Auren and trying to kill Rissa. Speaking of Rissa, Osrik is bereft. She's not getting any better, and he needs to come to terms with the fact she's probably going to die. He takes his revenge out on Manu, which doesn't even make him feel any better. But just as Osrik is about to give Rissa a potion to ease her pain and let her die peacefully, a pint-sized healer shows up and saves the day. Something tells me she's going to be important in the last book.

Also, Kaila shows up, wanting her brother back. Once the other kingdoms hear how she abandoned Highbell, they're disgusted, and tell her that her armies need to help out when the fae armies attack the next kingdom. She seems to agree, but I'd trust gas station sushi more than this bitch. Slade learns the bridge to Lemuria is repaired, and he can get to Auren. But his brother reminds him he can't abandon his kingdom for his lady; he needs to stay behind and fight. Slade is torn. Dare I say, ripped? LOLOLOL, I crack myself up.

Finally, Auren and her new bestie Emonie sneak onto an estate to look for Orean villagers they can rescue and help. Imagine her shock when she realizes Lord Cull (the lord of the estate) is Slade's father, and the Oreans trapped at his estate are from the underground rip Slade closed when he created the new rip. She's desperate to save all the Oreans, especially Slade's mom. But, they're double-crossed, and they end up transported back to King Carrick, who has been pillaging and destroying villages looking for Auren. She also learns the bridge is repaired, and she can get to Slade. It's the only thing keeping her going at this point. The book ends on a bit of a cliff-hanger, but it was excellent. The scenes at Lord Cull's manor were so suspenseful, and the jump scare that Cull is Slade's dad was well done. My only complaint? Not spicy enough. This was a green bell pepper, y'all... But something tells me book six will have all the heat book five was lacking.

"Oh Goldfinch, I would've found you in whatever world you were in. In whatever life."

I'm going to ask a very unpopular question, and I want no hate, please. I'm going to preface this question by saying I love ACOTAR, I've devoured the entire universe and I'm patiently waiting for more.

Why is ACOTAR the pinnacle of romantasy and not The Plated Prisoner series? This series is so slept on... the writing is excellent, the characters are well-formed and interesting, and the pages fly by. Why is no one else talking about this series? It's like ACOTAR is the Marsha Brady of romantasy books.

I'm over it! I'm here to ask... no, beg every romantasy reader to pick up Gild and tell me it's not as good (if not better) than ACOTAR. Please and thank you.

This is book four in the series, and we're missing Auren for the first twenty-five percent of the book. Slade had to rot her in order to get her to stop using her powers and gilding everything in sight. He managed to pull most of the rot out of her, but there's still a tiny kernel left behind (this will be important later). He takes Auren's comatose body into an underground cave shelter where he's built a home.

While Auren is crashed out recovering, we learn more about Slade's childhood, his dynamic with his brother Ryatt, and we get plenty of dialogue from the Wrath. The Wrath is basically Raven Kennedy's answer to The Bat Boys, just with some female energy thrown in for funsies. One of the Wrath members, Osrik is obsessed with Auren's frenemy Rissa. He's down bad for the former saddle.

Auren finally wakes up and starts physical therapy (after sexually attacking- in a good way- Slade's body). Since losing her ribbons, her body is thrown off balance, and she needs to relearn how to defend herself. She's also working on getting a better handle on her magic, to prevent another gold crash out episode.

Meanwhile, politics are at play. There are lots of rumors going around that Auren killed Midas and stole his power. There are also rumors that she killed Prince Niven, and the Queen of the Third Kingdom, Kaila Ioana wants revenge. She planned on marrying Midas and living a gilded happily ever after. She wants Auren punished for the murder.

Speaking of queens, Midas's ex-wife Queen Malina is still alive and kicking, and hanging out with some weird magician named Pruinn who has her on a journey. She's not loving the journey, she's used to living in the lap of luxury, and she's thrilled when they finally arrive at a palace with twins named Fassa and Friano. Malina, girl... haven't you ever heard you need to beware of creepy old buildings and twins?

Anyway, Auren is getting stronger and getting a handle on her magic. She and Slade are also taking frequent advantage of naked time in the hot springs. Slade finally explains how he got his nickname "Rip". One night during an ugly family argument, Slade used his rot to tear a metaphysical rip in the air, and send him, his mom, and his brother into the underneath cavern.

Slade receives a summons letting him know the other kingdoms want to put Auren on trial for Midas's murder. He resists. Then, Kaila's brother Manu comes to Slade's kingdom to try and reason with him. Slade realizes the other kingdoms are going to stop trading and cut off resources to his kingdom unless Auren agrees to the trial.

Auren is about ready to agree, when she and Rissa are ambushed in the gardens. Auren is kidnapped and Rissa is stabbed. Osrik loses it, thinking Rissa is dead. Thankfully she's just mostly dead.

Slade is big mad and takes off to find Auren. From here, it gets very Game of Thrones. He arrives just as Auren is sentenced to die. It's bad enough people think she stole Midas's power, but the tiny bit of rot still lingering inside of her shows up in her gold, and people assume she is stealing Slade's power as well. She's literally being stabbed to death just as Slade shows up and rots everything. Or, almost everything. One of the royal children makes a spider web around Auren's enclosure and Slade can't get past it. So, he uses all his power to fashion another rip for Auren to disappear inside of. She doesn't want to go, she's convinced she and Slade will never see each other again (don't worry girl, we've got two books to finish. Something tells me you'll be reuniting). Auren falls through the rip, and into a new land.

Remember the creepy twins and the equally creepy magician? Yeah. They use Malina's powers to help rebuild The Bridge of Lemuria, a bridge between the fae land, and the human world. She had made a bargain to help restore what was broken. Like an idiot, she assumed it was her castle. But in fact, it was the bridge.

Another solid book in the series, and thanks to the action in the hot springs, this book is a Habanero. That's really saying something, considering Auren was asleep for the first quarter of the book. Stay tuned to find out what shenanigans ensue in book five!

xoxo,

"We kiss like two stars colliding, our heat flaring with the threat to burn, while the cold world around us fades in our light. We kiss like we need the taste of one another or we'll never be able to emerge from the dark."

To say I'm obsessed with this series is putting it too mildly. I've read a lot of romantasy books which are just pure trash, and I love them for that. But this series is NOT loveable trash- it's well written, spicy feminist fiction. It's powerful. Here are a few of my favorite quotes:

"I've realized that there are so many different kinds of cages, and if I want to stay out of them all, then I have a fight ahead of me. Because the world will keep on trying to leash me, men will continue trying to steer me in their grips of control. So I can't just roll over every time. I can't let that repressed temper of indignation sit stuck on that perch."

"He may wear the crown, but I was the one who made it gold."

"Men ruin all of women's best laid plans."

"If females were meant to have their waists strangled and breasts shoved up all damn day, we would have been born with corset ribs."

"Pain shouldn't be the requisite of beauty"

"You want to know what's wrong? Every prick who ever prodded a maiden and stole her virtue. Every bastard who was ever born to taint bloodlines. Every man who rose up by standing on the bellies of women."

The book starts and ends with the realization that the men in Auren's life are not who she thinks they are. We start book two with Auren coming to terms with the fact King Slade Ravinger and Commander Rip are one and the same. Auren's over it... she's tired of men lying and deceiving her. But Slade is all, "I'll be the villain for you. Not to you."

This man. I'm telling you.

We also learn more of Auren's back story, and how she was a street rat who graduated into a street saddle. Eventually, Homegirl saved up her money, saw her chance at freedom, and went for it. She believes Midas was the one who protected her and kept her safe.

But that affection only goes so far, and Auren is over Midas. He keeps trying to cage her, and she is plotting her escape. Midas recognizes she's got one foot out the door, and tells her she needs to behave, or he's going to kill her favorite guard, Digby. If that wasn't stressful enough, Auren also needs to help Rissa escape, in order to buy her silence.

Auren is spending her days sneaking around the castle, breaking into the library, and gilding everything for Midas. Meanwhile, Queen Malina (Midas's wife) is dealing with an uprising, and her castle being attacked. She's in hiding with her saddle Jeo, who's keeping her fed by ice fishing. I mean... if you're going to have a saddle, have one with some survival skills. We're supposed to believe Midas's soldiers track Malina down and kill her, but I have my doubts.

Midas is done with Malina and for political reasons, wants to move onto the Queen of the Third Kingdom, Kaila Ioana. Kaila has made it clear to Auren that she needs to get the hell out of the way, or she'll be killed. There's only room for one woman in Midas's life, and it's going to be Kaila. Auren is like, "Perfect. Glad we're on the same page, sis. You can have his crusty ass. I've got myself a fine ass fae man to keep me warm at night."

The Auren/Slade relationship is just too delicious. He refuses to just kill Midas, because he knows a tiny piece of Auren will resent him for it, and he doesn't want to put her in that situation. And he wants her to step into her power.

But after a few brutal chapters that include Midas cutting Auren's ribbons off (he's truly the worst villain ever) and revealing he was actually the feared pimp Barden East- Auren steps into her power a little too forcefully. She drowns everyone in gold, and FINALLY kills Midas. It should have happened in book one, but I'll take it.

The book ends with Slade bringing Auren back from the brink and escaping with her and Digby. Oh, I forgot to mention, before his death, Midas poisoned the underage Prince Niven, and makes it look like Slade did it. So, Slade and his Wrath need to get the hell out of the Kingdom before a major battle breaks out.

Y'all, book four is going to be SOMETHING.

I'd rate this book a solid cayenne pepper... it's got some heat, but it's not overpowering the story. I could use just a touch more, actually. Here's to book four!

XOXO,

"He closed his eyes and focused on how good it felt to be with Shane, alone in the dark, and tried not to wish it could be the same in the light."

Cue the Boys II Men, because we have come to the end of the Heated Rivalry Road, friends. This is it- the final review on the Game Changers series.

As my readers know, the only reason I picked up the first book in the series was because the television series captured my attention so completely and fully. I found myself so invested in Scott Hunter... I mean... Shane and Ilya's story. Despite the fact they're fictional hockey players, their love story is relatable. There are so many people afraid to publicly come out for a variety of reasons. As the mother of a queer kid, it breaks my heart. I don't ever want anyone to feel ashamed or unloved for who they are. *Waves Rainbow Flag* You were born this way baby! Happy Pride Month!

But as the series wraps up, I was glad to see the author address Ilya's mental health struggles. Hiding his relationship and living something of a double life has taken a toll on his mental health. Paired with his family's history, that's a dangerous cocktail. Additionally, I don't know if this was the author's intent- but dogs truly are the best kind of therapy out there. Feeling sad? Pet a dog. Feeling happy? Pet a dog. Feeling anxious? Pet a dog. Dogs cure everything. And they don't care about your sexuality; they just want to love you.

Please admire my chaos goblins- Zim and Brick who love everyone they meet, and don't care what happens in your bedroom.

The book is predictable: Shane and Ilya are outed in a truly hilarious fashion, and they face both support and backlash. I'm almost glad they were forced into coming out, because I honestly don't know if they would have done it on their own. Shane would have hesitated too long, Ilya's mental health would have declined further, and he would continue to question their relationship. I'm also glad the author didn't give them a sunshine and rainbows (no pun inteded) coming out story: they faced career repercussions, and their friends weren't all supportive. I don't think that's fair or right, but it is realistic. We don't live in an LGBTQIA friendly world.

But to quote Rose Landry, "Do what makes you happy. Live how you want, love who you want. People will judge you, hate you, criticize you, but plenty more will support you and love you. And, in the end, no one matters except the people you care about."

I loved this series, these characters and their entire universe. I'm sad it's over, but happy to have had the experience of reading these books. To all my readers- Happy Pride and remember your internet bestie Feed Me Romance loves and supports you. Now remember to drink your water and apply your sunscreen!

XOXO,

"...he did that- he made Troy Barrett smile like that. Somehow, Harris had earned that, and he realized, in that moment, how fiercely he would protect that smile. How fiercely he would protect Troy."

Oof... y'all, this was an emotionally charged read. The emotions were flying in from every angle. I was angry, sad, proud, laughing- sometimes at the same time. These books have fun, cute covers, and on the surface they're gay hockey romance books... but Rachel Reid goes so much deeper and weaves dark and emotional themes into each book.

Troy Barrett is traded from one of the best teams in the NHL, to the worst: the Ottawa Centaurs (what a bad ass team mascot, btw). The reason for the trade was because he went off on star player (and his former BFF) Dallas Kent for being a rapist. The team manager didn't take too kindly to Troy calling out his friend and teammate in the middle of a game, and traded his ass.

Troy's reputation isn't the best in the NHL because he was so close with Dallas. People assume birds of a feather. So it's fair that the Centaurs are leery with Troy, despite his attack on Dallas. In addition to the Centaurs being leery, the Toronto fanbase is livid, because you don't turn on your teammates, and you don't support women attacking a man's character. Sadly, this was just another realistic element to the series.

"Men never believe women. Women don't believe women... What were you expecting to happen? The whole league rallies behind Barrett, and Kent gets kicked out of hockey?"

Rachel Reid really understood the assignment with this one.

Now. I'd like to say I know Troy Barrett is a fictional character, but every single sport franchise needs a Troy Barrett to call players out on their bullshit. I live in Wisconsin and am a huge Green Bay Packers fan. We're dealing with some Josh Jacobs bullshit, and I am disheartened and disappointed in his recent assault and battery charges. We don't roll that way here. It's not accepted or tolerated. And we believe women. Period. Unless their names are Blake Lively.

Harris Drover is the team's social media manager, and he's a big, gay, bearded ray of sunshine. He tries to crack Troy's tough exterior, but Troy is filled with self-loathing over supporting Dallas Kent for so long, and he's a closeted gay man. He wants to move in the world like Harris does, but everything is telling him that's wrong and shameful. The emotion bleeds off the pages of this book.

The only player willing to give Troy the benefit of the doubt is Ilya Rozanov. Of course. He's the team captain, and he hates Dallas Kent. "People like Kent stand in the way of other people being happy. For no reason. I am always glad to punch people like that."

I wonder if Rachel Reid has a blast writing Rozanov's dialogue. It's hilarious. And for the record, as we roll into Pride month, I too want to punch people that stand in the way of other people being happy. You got a problem with gay people? Cool. I have a problem with you. Move the fuck along.

Anyway, Troy finds himself catching feelings for Harris. He's envious of the way Harris moves in the world. He's just so comfortable being himself. He doesn't care what people think. Meanwhile Troy is still dealing with hate online and has a homophobic father who idolizes Dallas Kent.

The team is on their way to a game when their airplane almost crashes, and it has Troy re-evaluating everything in his life. Ilya reminds him he's got to focus on what's important, and later that night he finds himself in Harris's hotel room.

Bom-chicka-wow-wow...

From there, Troy starts creating the type of life he wants to be proud of. He starts spending more time with Harris. He posts resources for sexual assault survivors on his Instagram. He plays damn good hockey. And little by little, the small choices lead to happiness, which lead to bigger, braver decisions, and more happiness.

The book ends with an unrealistic happily ever after. Because let's be honest here: star athletes accused of sexual assault are rarely ever held accountable, and they have an entire team of people to cover up their mistakes and continue enabling them. But I want to live in Rachel Reid's world, where bad people are punished for their poor life decisions, gay people are accepted for who they are, and hockey is way sexier than it has any right to be.

A girl can dream, right?

Xoxo,

"All this time I've been pushing you, intentionally pissing you off because I did want any reaction I could get. Good, or bad. But mostly, I think I wanted bad. I wanted you to be mean to me because it made it easier to lie to myself, made it easier to convince myself that I hated you when the truth is, I think I've been obsessed with you since the moment we met."

I'll pull the curtain back for a second. Feed Me Romance is run by an old lady... I'm almost forty-six years old, and very much a product of a conservative midwestern 80's and 90's upbringing.

However, I never let that hold me back from changing my mind, viewpoints and growth as a human. As an example, I have a non-binary kid. I don't understand they/them pronouns. I was raised in the Catholic church where it was still shocking to have female altar servers. Yes... I was actually told not to mention to a relative that I was an altar girl, because this relative had very strong feelings about how wrong that was. All that to say gender roles were still very alive and well in the 1980's.

But I don't necessarily need to understand it, I just need to support it. I love my kid so damn much, and if respecting and acknowledging their pronouns makes them feel comfortable and safe- I'm here for it. Moreover, my husband and I have made our home a safe space for queer kids. To the point where we banished any and all mentions of Harry Potter. I don't want people to think we support JK Rowling's disgusting anti-trans views, and at this point it's impossible to separate the artist from the work.

Relationships, sex, and love look a lot different in 2026 than they did in the 1980's. And I'm here for it. Life isn't one size fits all, and love shouldn't have to be either. Instead of being in love with a gender, shouldn't we be in love with a spirit (regardless of the gender)?

When I started this blog, I fully intended to make fun of books, talk about sex, and just be my typical, hilarious self. But every week that goes on, I find myself looking into the norms of sex, exploring the sociology of love, and generally being a tolerant, accepting bitch. THIS WAS NOT THE PLAN! I just wanted to write about spicy romance books. But here we are!

So, what does this have to do with Game On? There was a scene that caught me so off guard and made me so proud of Navessa Allen. Tyler and Stella are dancing, and she's blown away by his moves on the dance floor. He divulges one of his ex-boyfriends was a dance instructor and sometimes needed to practice with him. Stella just took it in stride. No mention of, "Oh, I didn't know you dated men!" or "Are you into men?" or insecurity about the fact he dated men. Just acknowledgement and moving forward. It was such a progressive moment, and I LOVED IT. Yes, my forty-six-year-old ass (still peach tight from doing hot yoga 3-4 times a week, thank you very much) practically applauded. Because that's the only way we're going to normalize people like Tyler and Stella. We don't need to understand, but we need to acknowledge and accept it. The new generation of romance writers deserves gold stars. All the gold stars for their representation of all kinds of love.

I've read the other books in the Into Darkness series, but this one might be my favorite. Lights Out introduced me to mask kink, Caught Up explored sex clubs, and Game On dives into the brat kink dynamic (my first book with a male brat, which I really enjoyed). But Stella and Tyler's love story was scorching hot.

Stella is a goth tattoo artist, and Tyler walks into her shop wearing a tight t-shirt and gray sweatpants.

Done.

It's a wrap.

There's not a woman out there who can resist a hot man in gray sweatpants. I think John Hamm was the first man to start the "freeballing in gray sweatpants" trend, and a grateful nation of women thank him for it.

Anyway, Tyler is in the shop with ulterior motives. Stella's family is rich and well connected, and Tyler is looking for an in to their inner circle. Stella's brother owes him $3 million in gambling debts, and Tyler is willing to write off the debt if Stella pretends to date him, and introduces him to other influential people he can fleece for more money.

Stella loves her brother and reluctantly agrees to Tyler's plan. The sweatpants were just the icing on that fine ass cake. But the deception continues. Stella's godfather Richard is actually Tyler's birth father- and Tyler's mother spun a whole narrative about their relationship which has Tyler thirsty for vengeance. It's classic enemies to lovers, with a few fun threesomes thrown in just for good measure.

I love this trilogy: it's hot, progressive, and funny. Navessa Allen has a great sense of humor, and her characters jump off the page. This was a solid end to the trilogy, and I will gladly pick up anything else she writes. I'm also SO EXCITED for the Netflix Light's Out adaptation. The world needs more Navessa Allen.

This book is a serrano pepper: it's spicy with great flavor. And it leaves you wanting more.

XOXO,

Trying to clear books off my Kindle is such a joke. Or, a vicious cycle that sounds like this: I watch BookTok videos and download a TON of books onto my Kindle until I'm at maximum capacity. I travel, avoid bringing actual books, and promise to clear books off my Kindle. I start a book, devour it, and discover its book one in a six-book series. Now I need to download five more books. FML. Wash, rinse, and repeat.

I was traveling for work last week and fully intended to clear more than one book off my Kindle. But then I discovered the Plated Prisoner series and realized I'm in danger. Another six book series kinda danger. But I did make it through books one and two while on vacation and promptly downloaded books three and four. So, zero progress was made, but one new obsession was formed.

This series.

What do I say about this series?

If you like ACOTAR vibes, but not six hundred pages per book, this is the series for you. It's got magic, faeries, fairy tales, bad guys, worse guys, bad guys who are actually good guys, adventure, and romance.

Book One is Gild: we're introduced to Auren, a golden-skinned favorite of King Midas, who has been kept in a cage for ten years. In addition to her golden skin, she has 24 prehensile ribbons down her back (12 on each side) which she can control like her limbs. Bad ass, I know. What a functional fashion accessory!

Midas sucks. I don't think we're supposed to know he sucks yet, but he does. He has an entire harem of women known as "saddles" who he has no issue fucking in front of Auren, while she's stuck in her cage, playing her harp. Midas and Auren's back story is murky; all we know is that he rescued her from something at some point. So, she feels a debt of gratitude to him.

Girl. There's no debt so big a man needs to keep you in a cage. Just sayin'. Strike one for Midas.

Speaking of debts, one morning King Midas makes a deal with the disgusting King Fulke: Fulke gets one night with Auren, and in return Midas gets soldiers to help overtake the Fourth Kingdom (there are six that we know of).

Auren is pissed. Strike two for Midas.

On the night of the intended tryst, Midas double-crosses Fulke, kills him, and takes his kingdom. And Fulke doesn't have any soldiers to fight back, since they were all killed attacking the Fourth Kingdom.

Oh, did I forget to mention Midas is also married to Queen Malina? Strike three, Midas.

Fresh off his double-crossing victory, he's off to the Fifth Kingdom. Auren, the other saddles and his soldiers leave to follow him. But they're highjacked and kidnapped by pirates.

Auren cannot catch a break. She's held captive by Captain Fane, who tries to have his way with Auren, and she accidentally on purpose kills him, because everything SHE touches turns to gold... NOT Midas.

Shocking. A man keeping a woman in a cage, using her talents, and passing them off as his own. Hmmm. What a novel concept. Midas is the worst. Truly.

Auren and the other saddles are eventually rescued by Commander Rip, who is the right hand of King "Rot" Ravinger. These guys are known to be lethal, fierce and deadly. Auren isn't feeling great about this, but slightly better than she would have felt staying on the pirate ship.

The final thing we find out in book one, is that there are actually seven kingdoms- the seventh being Annwyn- which is home to the fae. Whatever could this mean? Is Auren fae? What about Rip?

Book one was good- an excellent introduction to the series. Book two? Even fucking better.

In Glint, we learn Rip and his men aren't nearly as lethal as we thought. In fact, Rip was given his nickname as a joke. He doesn't actually rip men to shreds, but it's a solid reputation for a commander to have. But his soldiers are sweet to Auren and actually feel bad about her being stuck in a cage for so many years.

Most of the book is the caravan of Fourth Kingdom soldiers, saddles and Auren traveling to the Fifth Kingdom to meet King Midas. We learn a little more about Auren's past: she was a street urchin forced to beg for money, and this is the life Midas saved her from. She asked him to save her, and he heard, "keep me in a cage!" There's a slight disconnect.

Meanwhile, Midas's wife Queen Malina is basically the Elsa of her kingdom. She's done with gold, and she wants everything inside the palace to be white and baby blue. When it comes to gold, she's all, "Let It Gooooo!"

She's working overtime to make her kingdom love her again and hate King Midas. It's not going well. The kingdom hates the fact she married a man who can (allegedly) turn everything into gold, but they're living in poverty. I mean... fair point!

One day after feeling discouraged and upset, Malina meets a strange man who tells her he can help make her dreams come true. He hands her a map showing her the seventh kingdom. Something tells me this map is going to be important later.

The caravan is traveling along, and Auren is trying to make friends with the other saddles. She learns one of them, Mist, is pregnant, which breaks her heart. She knows she can never give Midas a child, so that immediately makes Mist more important in her eyes. Plus, she makes a deal with RIssa, one of the saddles who saw her turn Captain Fane to gold. She asks Rissa to please keep her secret, and in return she'll give her gold. Speaking of gold, Rip starts calling Auren "Goldfinch". We all know as soon as a nickname enters the chat, shit is about to get serious. And it does... there's a kiss!!

The caravan finally makes its way to the Fifth Kingdom, and Auren is happy to see Midas again. Until HE SHOWS HER A CAGE HE BUILT FOR HER! Auren is so mad. She's not going back in that cage. She accidentally turns another saddle in the room to gold, and Midas is like, "See? This is why you belong in a cage. It's to keep others safe from you."

Says the man who is stealing her powers and pawning them off as his own. The hypocrisy. The book ends with a shocking twist about the true identity of King Ravinger.

I wish I didn't have a stack of five library books to finish, because I want nothing more than to dive into book three. But patience. I will get to it very soon.

These books are not spicy (at least not yet)- I'd give them one out of five peppers. We're talking banana peppers here. Zesty, but not spicy. I will tell you- this series is very fun, and I can't wait to see what happens in the next four books.

XOXO,

"But since his divorce, and now living in a brave new world where being attracted to men wasn't an unthinkable thing for a hockey player, Eric had allowed himself to examine this thing that he'd buried so long ago. To poke it a little. It was something that he thought he might like to explore, now that he was able."

Y'all.

This might be a hot take, but this is my favorite book in the Game Changers series so far. First of all, it was fun to get more Scott and Kip in my life. They will forever be my favorites (controversial, I know)... Second, I love the Ilya Rozanov breadcrumbs scattered throughout the book. He's the most loveable asshole ever created. "Bisexual! This is great. Did you fuck the blonde teenager yet?" I can't with Rozanov. Finally, this book is hands down the spiciest in the series. We're talking en fuego, baby!

So, let's talk Eric and Kyle's story, shall we?

No, not this Eric and Kyle...

The OTHER Eric and Kyle. Allow me to introduce them to you.

Eric Bennett is a divorced, almost-retired NHL goalie wondering what his future looks like. Kyle Swift is a graduate student/bartender still nursing a crush on Kip Grady. Kyle serves Eric a few drinks and some sexy banter one night at The Kingfisher, but he's put off by the wedding ring. He's not sure if Eric is closeted, cheating, or just creepy.

Eric is divorced, bisexual, and superstitious. It just feels wrong to take the wedding ring off. He's not holding onto any feelings about his ex, he's just always worn it.

In spite of his crush on Kip, Kyle finds himself spending more time with Eric. They're both into art, and since Eric is sober, Kyle is always trying to create elaborate mocktails for him.

As someone who dabbles with the mostly sober life, mocktails are my love language. Seriously.

Meanwhile, Eric is a little freaked out by both his attraction to Kyle, and their age gap. But he wants it. Like, really wants it....

Damn, the sex is hot in this book. Bonus points for the fact there's not a single "daddy" reference or comment. That would have skeeved me out.

Why?

Because this story was so sweet. Yes, there's a slight age gap (forty-one one to twenty-five), but these two learned so much from each other. Kyle has Eric thinking about his retirement, and what he wants to do with his life once he's done playing hockey. And Eric has Kyle questioning why he's in school, when bartending and crafting drinks is what lights him up. Eric is also super into yoga, clean eating and sobriety, and Kyle is eager to try it all. If he was older and set in his ways, he might not go into the relationship with such an open mind.

Did I mention the hot sex?

Anyway, of course there's the predictable drama where Eric and Kyle try to figure out if they really want to be together, and the equally predictable happily ever after. And the book ends with a wedding! No spoilers, but we all know whose wedding it is...

I'll give this book three and a half out of five chili peppers... a Black Cuban pepper if you will.

XOXO,

"My life is a fucking mess, but the one thing I know for sure is that I like being with you. And I would like to be with you as much as possible."

Do I write reviews on all the books I read? No, no I don't. Sometimes there isn't anything interesting or compelling enough for me to write about, or the hate just isn't great enough to generate enough content for a full blog post.

Tough Guy almost made the list of "do not blog about" books. On the surface it was another fun, light-hearted hockey romance between two unlikely lovers. But about three-quarters of the way through the book, I realized there was something a little different about this one...

Ryan Price is a defensive player for the Toronto Guardians. He's known as an enforcer, and when he gets into fights with other players, the entire crowd chants, "Pay the Price!" I mean... that's pretty epic. However, Ryan is a complicated guy. He deals with anxiety, a fear of flying, he's been traded so many times he doesn't really have a lot of friends, and he's questioning whether he even likes playing hockey anymore.

One night he stops in the pharmacy and randomly runs into Fabian Salah, a talented musician who Ryan lived with, and had an *almost* kiss with back when they were teenagers. Fabian is an uber-talented musician who hates hockey players due to his family housing so many of them when he was a teen. Fabian isn't a fan of toxic masculinity and equates hockey with that. While Ryan is giving big, burly lumberjack vibes, Fabian is petite, well-dressed, and knows his way around a cosmetics counter.

Fabian randomly invites Ryan to one of his concerts and is surprised when he actually shows up. From there, very delicate sparks start to fly. In spite of his size and job, Ryan is a very tender-hearted dude, and Fabian is the perfect partner for him. Ryan has a lot of social anxiety, and his meds cause some sexual dysfunction.

Now. This was the part I found refreshing. How many books have we read where the main female character has issues with sex, and can't orgasm until she meets the love of her life? How many female characters in general are anxious about their bodies? A LOT. A FUCKING LOT. And no shade, because that's a real thing.

Before I met my husband, I was dating a guy who gave me the calorie count for every meal I ate, planned a "cute surprise" date at the gym, and made less than flattering comments about my body, and the type of clothes I should wear. For reference, I was 5'6" and weighed maybe 100 pounds. I should have been eating two Whoppers instead of just one. But that doesn't matter... regardless of your body, no one should ever make you feel less than amazing and sexy. It's not surprising that sex with this guy was meh... because he made me feel meh. My husband has known me at every shape and size and has been obsessed with every version of me. The same holds true for our characters: Fabian and Ryan end up having amazing sex because Fabian makes Ryan feel confident and comfortable.

I liked the gender switch up. More people need to understand sexual confidence and body positivity are not limited to just women- men deal with the same shit. Kudos to Rachel Reid for shining a spotlight on it.

Although, I thought Ryan and Fabian's story was sweet, my favorite parts of the book were the Ilya Rozanov cameos. He and Ryan have several conversations, and the Rosanov/Hollander foundation is a topic of conversation in the locker room. It's evident the author is building to Ilya and Shane's next book (released next year I believe!).

As far as spiciness, I'd give this book 2 chili peppers. It's more sweet than hot- a red bell pepper if you will. And the library just sent me a text letting me know Common Goal is waiting to be picked up. Stay tuned!

"I'll follow you, Princess, now and forever. I followed you before I even knew you and you were just a whisper on the wind. Let me be your darkness evermore."

It feels like I've been waiting eleventy-billion years for this book to come out! Since first discovering the series, I've read it in its entirety twice. TWICE!

Do you know how many pages that is?

Spoiler: a lot.

But I'm glad I re-read the series this spring, or I'd be lost. There's so much going on... Farron has the evil green-eyed monster inside of him after looking into the pond he was explicitly instructed NOT to look into, Dayton is back from the dead, rescued by Farron, which means he's also got some green-eyed evil in him, Keldarion still refuses to acknowledge his mate bond with Rosalina, because he doesn't want to send her back to Caspian enthralled, Ezryn is also worried about acknowledging his mate bond because his mother was killed when she transferred spring's blessing onto him, and then there's Caspian.

Oh, the Caspian of it all.

Caspian is hands down my favorite prince. He's got child-like impulse control (never forget the bullshit he pulled after Farron tore the journal Rosalina gave him for his birthday), the only woman in his life he truly loves is his sister, and he's been hurt so badly by Keldarion that his loyalties are unreliable at best. Much like a stubborn, adorable puppy who you're struggling to train, you know he wants to be better. He wants to be a good boy. He just doesn't know where to start.

We'll (mostly) call this book The Emancipation of Caspian. He finally leaves the below, comes back up to the surface, and Rosalina announces to everyone that they're mates. The rest of the princes are pretty accepting, except for Keldarion, who swears it's a trick. But even he comes around and eventually admits he's in love with Caspian.

There's sex. Lots and lots of sex. Sex in groups. Sex one on one. Sex in threesomes. And one very hot orgy in a sauna. Seriously... I thought the ice dildo was hot (no pun intended), but this book melts that ice dildo in .2 seconds flat. To quote an unknown literary scholar of our time, "They be fuckin' in this book!"

There's some plot developments as well: the winter realm is almost melted, since Kel refuses to acknowledge his mate bond, the servants in the winter realm are suffering, there's a wedding, Sira makes a few appearances, Rosalina's father George might have figured out how to steal her power from her, mate bonds are finally acknowledged, and Caspian does another about-face.

My only complaint. I wanted more Wrenley. Early on in the series, she was the character I loved to hate. I saw her as keeping Dayton and Rosalina apart and just wanted her to go away. But once you learn who she really is, you can't help but feel bad for her. And in this book, she's facing some hard truths about where her loyalties really lie. And does she have a mate bond with anyone?

Other than that one teeny tiny detail, this book DELIVERS. It gives you the sweet, the hot, the action, and the humor. Elizabeth Helen has a lot to wrap up in the next few books, but this one definitely moved the plot along, and I'm anxiously awaiting the release of Stolen by Shadows on July 21st.

We're going to give this one 4.5 chili peppers out of 5

Wanna guess how many hockey romance themed books are titled Playing for Keeps?

More than one.

And have cute, cartoonish covers?

Still more than one.

Want to guess which blogger accidentally read the wrong one for her book club discussion?

So, because I have freakishly fast reading skills, a hotel room booked out of town so I could enjoy the new Beasts of the Briar book uninterrupted (Ok, I actually needed to see clients on the same day the new book was released, but that's neither here nor there), I felt I owed it to my book club besties to read the *actual* book we were discussing.

I shouldn't have worried. We spent about fifteen minutes talking about the book, and another hour talking about everything except the book. It's not my first book club. I should know better. But I don't want to be left out.

So, let's dive into Nicole Crystal's Playing for Keeps, shall we?

Whereas Kendall's story was set in the NHL, Nicole's story is set Silver Pine University. Our heroine is Sienna Brooks, an on-campus sports analyst with a penchant for blazers, who uses math and statistics to help players and teams improve their games.

Sienna is extremely guarded, since her father is a big-shot sports agent, and she has a history of people using her to get close to him. As a result, she governs her life by three rules:

Always be the most prepared person in the room.

Never let emotion cloud data.

Under no circumstances date an athlete.

It's that pesky third rule which ruined Sienna's life already. She was dating the Silver Pine's quarterback, who used her to get signed by her father's agency, and he publicly humiliated her.

Grayson Cole is the captain of the hockey team, coming off a losing season and in need of some help. Grayson grew up in a single parent household, and his mom sacrificed everything for his and his sister's love of hockey. The kid has zero ego and even helps run a hockey clinic for kids on the weekend. Really the only red flag (and it's more like yellow) Grayson has deals with his daddy issues. His dad was a semi-pro baseball player and dipped out on the family when Grayson was a kid.

At the start of the season, Grayson's coach recommends he start working with Sienna to improve his performance. The two start working together to improve Grayson's game, and of course sparks fly.

Sienna has concerns about Grayson using her to get close to her father; but he appears to be an all-around stand-up guy. He even knows how to make risotto.

Sienna provides Grayson with insights into his hockey game, designs a play for the team, and helps lead them to a championship. After a slight misunderstanding regarding promises Grayson made Sienna's father, they all live happily ever after.

I didn't think it was possible, but THIS Playing for Keeps is actually less sexy than the OTHER Playing for Keeps. I will give Nicole roses for the following things: her writing is solid, and it's possible she's seen more than one hockey game in her life. She was able to write about the actual sport, whereas Kendall Ryan just focused on hot hockey players. I know... I'm in the minority of readers who like and watch hockey matches (Go Bruins... still pulling for you), it's kind of like subscribing to Playboy for the articles. Also, she only used the term Puck Bunny once or twice. For that reason alone- gold star.

But the romantic tension and sex were just not there. At all. It all seemed to happen behind closed doors. There was nothing dirty, nothing panty-melting, nothing that made your heart skip a beat. It was all very proper and sanitary. A few math jokes are even made. And nothing makes my panties drier than thinking about math.

I wonder if Rachel Reid has just ruined hockey romances for us. Is she just SO GOOD that no other hockey romance can compete? I don't know. But I'm not willing to read any more to find out. I'm half-way through the new Beasts of Briar, and I found myself *literally* whimpering at one point. That's the energy I need more of.

I give this book half a chili pepper. If you like light, cute romance books with very little heat- you'll love this one.

XOXO,

"How I thought I stood a chance against him, I'd never understand. I craved him like the night desired the moon. Like the desert longed for water. What we had, it was wild and chaotic. But it was uniquely ours. No love would ever match."

After repeated light and fluffy hockey romances, your girl needed something she could sink her teeth into. Something dirty, depraved and messy.

Enter Twisted Pawn.

I've been an LJ Shen fan since the jump. I first discovered her Sinners of Saint series 10+ years ago, and I've been obsessed ever since. She's one of those authors that as soon as she releases a book, I immediately download it and devour it within 48 hours. She could copy and paste the phone book, and I'd fangirl the fuck out over it.

I love her books so much because she's got the recipe down pat: strong, feisty and quirky (but not too quirky) female heroines, and dark alpha men who are brought to their knees by the women they can't help but love. There's always a plot that feels like it's ripping at your heart, sassy banter, references to other books in her universe, and redemption. Oh, and there's always plenty of panty-ripping sex.

LJ has written a lot of hot men over the years, but no one holds a candle to Dean Cole. He's got dark, golden retriever energy (is that a thing? Ehh, LJ made it a thing) and might be one of her most tortured characters ever. His redemption is beautiful, and his eventual heartbreak absolutely gutted me.

Twisted Pawn is the second book in the Society of Villains series (Bad Bishop is book one... chefs kiss for that one as well), and LJ plans to write seven books in the series. All the male characters are part of the various mafia outfits. What's your flavor of mobster? Russian? Italian? Irish? Don't worry- she's got them all.

Twisted Pawn focuses on Tierney Callaghan and Achilles Ferrante. The book starts with the bloodiest (literally) baptism ever, along with plenty of tension between the two. It's evident they have a history, and that fine line between love and hate is definitely more in hate territory than love.

Shortly after the bloody baptism, Tierney is promised to an Italian mobster, and on the flight to Italy, she's able to convince Achilles to call off her wedding... if he can have her for one weekend. In a typical romance novel, this one weekend would erase their history, Achilles would fall madly in love with Tierney and keep her from the Italian mobster. They'd live happily ever after.

None of that happens here. There are plot twists, a definite Mr. & Mrs. Smith vibe for a bit, and a dark history between the two. Achilles isn't your typical alpha male: he was badly burned in an accident and proudly wears the scars. He also might edge into psychopath territory, but I'm here for it. "Achilles was many things- shrewd, vicious, a prolific assassin, and an impeccable, unhinged mobster."

And Tierney was held prisoner at a Russian gulag in her youth, and deals with mental and physical damage. But homegirl is not a victim. She's tough, sassy and unwilling to bend the knee. The banter between these two is so damn funny and sexy.

"Brought you some of that gross-ass fish soup you like, from the Russian deli on your street."

"Ukha. I hate that soup." I used to love that soup back when things had flavor and meaning.

"I'll throw it out the window, then."

"I hate you, too. Can you jump out of it, as well?"

"Sure, but I'll probably choose a higher floor, just to be on the safe side."

If you're suffering from cute romance book overload, here's my prescription. Go read Bad Bishop. Obsess. Promptly download and read Twisted Pawn. Repeat until your soul feels a little darker.

3.5 out of 5 chili peppers (especially the scene in the sex club. OMFG).

xoxo,

I might have mentioned this once, or two hundred times before. But I hate cute romance books.

Cartoon-ish/animated covers? No thank you.

Any reference to pumpkin spice or the holidays? Gag me.

Small-town girls and gruff guys? Can't walk/scroll past it fast enough.

If you were to ask me why I hate cute romance books so much, I could offer a few hypotheses... maybe it's because Harrison Ford as Han Solo was the first character I remember having a crush on. I remember thinking someday I was going to grow up and have a cute, sarcastic man of my own. I'd be the Leia to his Han. Goal: mostly met.

Maybe it's because I'm married to a walking green flag. My husband adopts puppies, supports women and LGBTQ issues, gives great hugs, isn't afraid to be emotionally vulnerable, makes coffee for me most mornings, is renowned for his breakfasts, and I even caught him crying during a tribute to Alexander Ovechkin the other day. Of course... hockey. All roads lead back to hockey. Maybe I like dark romance novels because they're so different than my normal life. I don't know.

What I do know is there's one thing I hate more than cute romance novels, and that's lazy writing. As a writer and editor, I can sniff out plot-holes, inconsistencies, overused turns of phrase, and historical/geographical errors (I'm still mad at Stephen King for referencing Jeffrey Dahmer's grave in one of his short stories. Why the panty twist you ask? BECAUSE JEFFREY DAHMER DOESN'T HAVE A GRAVE!!! A simple Google search could have told Steve this). But of all these sins, the overused turns of phrase is the worst. Nothing puts my teeth on edge more than reading the same words over and over and over again.

One of the most painful books I've read in recent history is There's Pumpkin About You by Athena Carstairs.

Her overuse of the word "whilst" is a genuine crime against humanity. To say nothing of the fact she doesn't know how geography in the United States works. But now I'm just being mean. This isn't a hockey blog, and it's also not a hate blog. I like more books than I dislike, I swear!

So... Playing for Keeps by Kendall Ryan.

Playing for Keeps is another hockey romance. I didn't pick this one- my spicy book club did. I promised you this is NOT a hockey blog, remember? But also? Go Bruins. Super pumped to have you in the hunt for the cup.

I swear to God, Kendall Ryan was paid every time she used the term "puck bunny" to describe hockey groupies. It feels like that turn of phrase was used a million times. We get it... your crush is a star hockey player in Seattle, and all the ladies (ahem, puck bunnies) want him. Groan.

Equally egregious is her lazy sex writing. On three separate occasions, the characters went, "off like a rocket". I get it. I write romance too. I understand there are only so many ways you can describe an orgasm. But three separate rockets in the same book? Come on girl. Use a thesaurus.

This is book one in the Hot Jocks (groan) series, and there's not a chance in hell I'll be picking up the second one. This one book already told me who the future "hot jocks" are, and who the non-puck bunnies vying for their attention will be. And I'm sure they'll all end happily ever after without nary a mention of panties ripping, dragons, mafia dons, or any of the other things that get my heart rate going.

This was pretty tame, I give it 1.5-2 chili peppers and will be avoiding the Hot Jocks universe. After this book, I went straight into a filthy, disgusting, mafia romance with some of the most twisted dialogue. Stay tuned!

xoxo,