blue valentine 💙

ilya is desperate to take care of the people that matter to him. he wishes his relationship with his brother was better, that he knew his niece, that he'd been able to look after his father, that he'd somehow been able to save his mother from herself. he tells his team he loves them and he means it. there is so much in him that is not only desperate to be loved, but to love. svetlana takes care of him and also allows him to take care of her. he can just love her as he wants to love her and she never turns her nose up at it, but she's the only person he has

shane and ilya go to so much effort not to care about the other too much. to not show their hand and ruin everything. except shane is watching and worrying over ilya from the beginning, from his smoking through to his concern over his father before he knows anything to not letting him carry his bag with bruised ribs. ilya has been hoarding information on shane, knowing as a way of caring when with his father and mother knowing was all he could offer them. he notices his clothes and when they change, he knows what he likes to drink and the temperature he prefers it, he's gentle when he teases him about not halving the recipe and so soft when he reassures him when he's overwhelmed. he's so clearly reveling in being able to take care and comfort the man he's spent years yearning to take care of and comfort

and i love how that sincere, matter of fact effort that shane extends to all the things that matter to him will be fully awarded to ilya now that he doesn't have any reason to hide it or second guess it. shane encouraging ilya to talk to him even when he doesn't understand, carrying his bag, bringing him a blanket and coffee in the morning, deffering to what he wants to eat even though he's usually so strict with his diet (like how he ate the tuna melt even though there's no way it fit because ilya made it for him and that made it worth it, how desperate he was to accept ilya's care even while it terrified him). just those small considerations awarded to ilya every day, always thinking of how to make sure he's happy and he knows that shane loves him, because like his hockey performance and his real estate fetish and his best friends, ilya matters to him and shane isn't someone who loses things that are important to him through a lack of effort (trying multiple times to sleep with rose not only because he wanted it to work with a girl in general, but because he really likes her in particular and doesn't think he can keep her as a friend if he fails her as a lover. talking to his mother and telling her that he really tried to be perfect, to be straight, because he wants to be perfect but also because he wants to be her perfect son, his mom who he's so similar too and understands and loves and is loved by and who he never, ever wants to disappoint)