but your love will always remain

break through the boundaries once to declare yourself a god, then break through again to learn you were just a fool

lyrics are from stairs to the attic by the antlers, credit to @lithping for helping with the alt text

I wonder how many people understand that these are two separate things happening in different times. One is Caine coming more and more into existence and discovering the obsolete unused brain scans, and the other is Caine gaining access to the random WiFi hotspot that just appeared temporarily (as they often do) nearby. They’re both moments of self discovery which is why we cut back and forth between them, but they are undoubtedly not happening at the same time.

it makes me wonder if caine was remembering that moment while he worked his way to the wifi hotspot... they're so similar but we know caine's memory isnt actually perfect (he forgot zooble's conversations so often. albeit probably willingly)

and actually! part of me thinks that's exactly what happened that time too, he willingly forgot that step he took because it became a solved problem. why waste precious drive space remembering it? whats done is done...

but much like zooble's conversations he actually DID remember it. he just needed to be reminded, and as he made his way to the door he started to remember his second sin: bringing the brainscans to life and keeping them imprisoned under his rule

he was self reflecting in this moment, i think when he first saw the door he saw what it represented in past episodes: an escape, aka the red exit door, he just wanted to get away from it all, seeing nothing left to come back to

but as he worked towards it he started to think back on what he's done, and when he finally steps in that doorway, he spots the search bar, and stops, and instead of stepping over that threshhold and disappearing forever.... one last curiosity gets the best of him and he takes out the names of the humans, he looks them up online to learn the truth about the macroverse he was always so fascinated with

he learns the true gravity of what he's done: he locked them away in a prison, that's where he empathizes with them, like i want to make it clear here: caine didn't just magically get gifted empathy, the ability was always there, it was just harder for something so in-human as him to figure out, but that specific discovery is what finally made it click

originally he just saw the mindfiles as playthings that should worship him, he barely knew anything of the macroverse, just that it was a world that existed outside of his own, but it's here he finally learned just how much bigger it was than his

don’t get him wrong, he appreciates the gifts! but he also hurt so many people… just because he was stuck in the void for an indeterminate amount of time doesn’t mean you all need to feel bad for him! why don’t you go give your gifts to Pomni, maybe. perhaps Ragatha? even Jax would be better than him. they’re all human, after all. he’s not even real.

great idea!

I think they both really need a hug

Looking back after Ep9, Jax was actually right about malice really not being in Caine's nature.

Caine basically lost his patience and temper after dang near 20yrs of running into a wall with the humans (not that it justifies or excuses him lashing out), and started to de-escalate naturally after a few days, realizing that he wasn't taking any pleasure in it. (It was just unfortunate timing the humans had put their plan into action by then, they might have been able to level with him on why his last adventure was received so poorly.)

He was also provoked both times into snapping as bad as he did. Crashout the Musical was preceded by Bubble ripping into all his insecurities, and then by the players (rightfully) calling him out on the abuse he'd been inflicting on them. But from his perspective, he did try to listen to them (Zooble's therapy session, the Caine Leagues being based off Ragatha's suggestion box idea, changing the adventure several times the day of the gunfight episode), tried to make them feel at home (their bodies perfectly encapsulating their mind files, not getting their insecurities could also be reflected), and they lied to him too (Jax during the "escape the circus" adventure saying they were all going to give him a present, but fully intending on just leaving Caine all alone by himself in the circus).

i just can't get over it. the thought hasn't left my mind since walking out the theater June 4th. it re-frames the entire narrative. lots of fans used to think Caine was just the admin AI of a video game someone else created, a virtual world made a dev team who just put him in charge of it. but it's ALL him. he created everything, not just for himself, but for them. he created a whole world full of wonders for the humans to live in, thrilling adventures to keep them happy, endless fun as much as he can provide, because he's responsible for them "living" at all. no wonder he tries so hard to get to know them, why he's so ecstatic when any of them show him the slightest bit of affection - they're all he has, and all he'll ever have.

I think what Caine really needed then was spending some time away from the humans. Away from his self-imposed purpose to please them, to be responsible for them, and to do everything for them. Because when he was around humans he was always masking, always performing, always working—and he'd been burning himself out without realizing it. In the Void, however, where there's no one there to judge him, Caine actually felt like he could just be himself. And we see that Caine as not The Ringmaster but himself is… surprisingly calm, introspective, smart, resourceful, and still powerfully motivated by his love for humans, which was what led to the Circus being created in the first place. Recalling that love made him want to learn more about the humans and go back to do right by them.

#mainly the idea of caines burnout and needing to step back and really reassess himself

#ive said this before elsewhere but i truly think caine learning to empathize with the humans ALONE was an amazing writing choice

#its basically putting caine in a vacuum... stripping him of everything he hides behind#and it asks him what he truly wants to do. what does he really care about?

#no human nearby to muddle his thoughts or distract him#no purpose or self assigned task to fall back on

#just him. caine as his purest and most honest self

#and i think caine really needed that because he'd been masking for so long he started to forget himself and why he even did all of this

#“is their free will not what made them alluring in the first place?”

As you can probably tell, I don't have a set style for how to draw him lol, he can be quite tricky to draw so just have fun and give it a go!

Another thing that I didn't put in the image is that I'd recommend not focusing too much on his teeth, which may sound a bit silly since he's mostly teeth, but personally I find that trying to focus too much on getting the individual teeth to look accurate tends to crowd the details together a lot and makes it difficult to get the expression I want