This the type of shit that gets you decapitated

Listen I'm sorry but there is no way that Ilya Rozanov was in some underground underage queer club scene as a teenager in Moscow. He is a policeman's son and he is a top hockey prospect. He was doing nothing but whatever it took to launch a hockey career. I understand the urge to imprint on characters but you have to understand what being drafted 1oa to the NHL means about Ilya and his background. Do you understand how much discipline that took? He was not giving himself fucking stick and poke tattoos in the backrooms of gay clubs. He was not putting his future livelihood in jeopardy by entering underground gay clubs AT ALL. Yes he was partying but crucially in venues where those things were normal and expected of him as an up and coming sporting phenom--and honestly, he was probably not partying nearly as much as his reputation would imply. Yes he was occassionally having sex with men but those men were probably EQUALLY as closeted as he was and had equally as much to lose. The whole reason he and Sasha come into contact with each other is because of Sasha's proximity to hockey. I am genuinely sorry but the idea that Ilya had some queer found family that he left behind in Moscow to play for the NHL is looneytoons projection.

the thing is that childhood doesn't just end when you turn 18 or when you turn 21. it's going to end dozens of times over. your childhood pet will die. actors you loved in movies you watched as a kid will die. your grandparents will die, and then your parents will die. it's going to end dozens and dozens of times and all you can do is let it. all you can do is stand in the middle of the grocery store and stare at freezers full of microwave pizza because you've suddenly been seized by the memory of what it felt like to have a pizza party on the last day of school before summer break. which is another ending in and of itself

#and sometimes you meet your childhood again#in a kid on the bus talking about lord of the rings#or in a sweet little cat who looks so much like yours did and meows the same way#in a copy of a book at a secondhand store that you had as a kid and lost#childhood ends but it's not always gone#it waves at you from across the street and you wave back#with a sadder but kinder eye and a smile#childhood has moved to someone else but it remembers you still

12/22/2023

There also needs to be a button for “this is the 5000th time I’ve read your fic because I’m having a horrible day and this is the only thing in the world that always brings me happiness.”