French

50 Ways To Improve Your French

Barron’s French Idioms

Learn French: The Fast And Fun Way (This book has tons of great worksheets and everything. It’s great for learning French!)

2,001 Most Useful French Words

Say It Right in French: The Easy Way to Pronounce Correctly 

Streetwise French

Berlitz Hide This French Phrase Book

Italian

50 Ways To Improve Your Italian

Berlitz Self-Teacher Italian (Personally, I don’t really care for these types of books, mainly because I don’t the things you learn in the first few chapters. Unless you have a base in the language, I don’t think this book will work for you.)

Learn Italian: The Fast And Fun Way (This book has tons of great worksheets and everything. It’s great for learning Italian!)

Barron’s Italian Idioms 

Easy Italian Phrase Book: 770 Basic Phrases for Everyday Use 

Correct Your Italian Blunders

Spanish

50 Ways To Improve Your Spanish

Correct Your Spanish Blunders 

Just Enough Spanish

Dirty Spanish - Warning: This is really vulgar.

Barron’s Complete Spanish Grammar Review 

Making Out in Spanish (I think this title is great. I’ve never read this book, but if you’re looking for slang/everyday Spanish, this seems like a pretty good book.)

Ven Conmigo! Grammar and Vocabulary Workbook: Level 1 (This is the actual workbook I use in my Spanish 1 class. It is great and I love it. If you want to teach yourself Spanish, I highly recommend getting a workbook like this.)

Hide This Spanish Book (This has a lot for a small book. Mainly just some basic phrases, along with some that are more vulgar.)

Hide This Spanish Book for Lovers (The title speaks for itself…)  

Mierda! The Real Spanish You Were Never Taught In School

Say It Right In Spanish

German

50 Ways To Improve Your German

Dirty German - Warning: This is really vulgar.

Say It Right In German: The Easy Way to Pronounce Correctly

Easy Way to Enlarge Your German Vocabulary

Barron’s German Idioms

The Tell-Tale Heart - If you want to read in German, this seems like a pretty good book to get. 

German-English Visual Dictionary

Scheisse!: The Real German You Were Never Taught In School - I love all these books. They have them in every language (The title means “Shit”). Although it doesn’t have the pronunciations, its still pretty great for the vocabulary it has. It’s a bit vulgar though, but not too bad.

Portuguese 

Just Enough Portuguese: How to Get by and Be Easily Understood

Portuguese Verb and Essentials of Grammar

Berlitz Portuguese Phrase Books & Dictionary

51 Portuguese Idioms - Speak Like a Brazilian 

Arabic

Arabic-English Visual Dictionary

The Arabic Alphabet: How to Read and Write It

First 100 Words In Arabic

Learn Arabic: The Fast and Fun Way

Making Out In Arabic  

Instant Arabic!

Japanese

Berlitz Concise Dictionary

Essential Kanji: 2,000 Basic Japanese Characters

Colloquial Kansai Japanese: The Dialects and Culture of the Kansai Region

Speak Japanese Today 

Making Out In Japanese - I just bought this book, and it seems pretty great. 

More Making Out In Japanese 

Korean

Say It Right In Korean 

Korean Made Easy

Instant Korean

First 100 Words In Korean

Making Out In Korean

More Making Out In Korean

Korean For Travelers - I think this might only be a Nook book, which kind of sucks.

Dirty Korean -  Warning: This is really vulgar.  

Basic Korean: Workbook

Intermediate Korean: Workbook - I’m not sure if this is worth getting because of the price, but it seems like a helpful book

Korean At A Glance

Teach Me Everyday Korean

Chinese

Making Out In Chinese (I think this title is great. I’ve never read this book, but if you’re looking for slang/everyday Chinese, this seems like a pretty good book.)

Mandarin Chinese - English Visual Dictionary

Survival Chinese 

Get Talking Chinese - This book is so great. It’s kind of like a children’s book, but for learning basic Chinese, it’s great.

Hide This Mandarin Chinese Phrase Book 

Instant Chinese!

Polish

Say It In Polish 

Berlitz Polish Concise Dictionary

Berlitz Polish Phrasebook and Dictionary

Polish: An Essential Grammar

Russian

Learn Russian: The Fast and Fun Way

Say It Right In Russian

Russian Vocabulary

Dermo!: The Real Russian Tolstoy Never Used

Russian At A Glance

Just Enough Russian

General Language Books

Barron’s 501 Verbs (comes in French, Spanish, Italian, Russian, Latin, Japanese, Hebrew, Arabic, English and German)

Let me tell you what I know about this after living here for nearly thirty years.

This is a modern European country, the home of hot net startups, of Internet giants and (in some places, some very few places) the fastest broadband on Earth. People here live in this century, HARD.

Yet they get nervous about walking up that one hill close to their home after dark, because, you know… stuff happens there.

I know this because Peter and I live next to One Of Those Hills. There are people in our locality who wouldn’t go up our tiny country road on a dark night for love or money. What they make of us being so close to it for so long without harm coming to us, I have no idea. For all I know, it’s ascribed to us being writers (i.e. sort of bards) or mad folk (also in some kind of positive relationship with the Dangerous Side: don’t forget that the root word of “silly”, which used to be English for “crazy”, is the Old English _saelig_, “holy”…) or otherwise somehow weirdly exempt.

And you know what? I’m never going to ask. Because one does not discuss such things. Lest people from outside get the wrong idea about us, about normal modern Irish people living in normal modern Ireland.

You hear about this in whispers, though, in the pub, late at night, when all the tourists have gone to bed or gone away and no one but the locals are around. That hill. That curve in the road. That cold feeling you get in that one place. There is a deep understanding that there is something here older than us, that doesn’t care about us particularly, that (when we obtrude on it) is as willing to kick us in the slats as to let us pass by unmolested.

So you greet the magpies, singly or otherwise. You let stones in the middle of fields be. You apologize to the hawthorn bush when you’re pruning it. If you see something peculiar that cannot be otherwise explained, you are polite to it and pass onward about your business without further comment. And you don’t go on about it afterwards. Because it’s… unwise. Not that you personally know any examples of people who’ve screwed it up, of course. But you don’t meddle, and you learn when to look the other way, not to see, not to hear. Some things have just been here (for various values of “here” and various values of “been”) a lot longer than you have, and will be here still after you’re gone. That’s the way of it. When you hear the story about the idiots who for a prank chainsawed the centuries-old fairy tree a couple of counties over, you say – if asked by a neighbor – exactly what they’re probably thinking: “Poor fuckers. They’re doomed.” And if asked by anybody else you shake your head and say something anodyne about Kids These Days. (While thinking DOOMED all over again, because there are some particularly self-destructive ways to increase entropy.)

Meanwhile, in Iceland: the county council that carelessly knocked a known elf rock off a hillside when repairing a road has had to go dig the rock up from where it got buried during construction, because that road has had the most impossible damn stuff happen to it since that you ever heard of. Doubtless some nice person (maybe they’ll send out for the Priest of Thor or some such) will come along and do a little propitiatory sacrifice of some kind to the alfar, belatedly begging their pardon for the inconvenience.

They’re building the alfar a new temple, too.

Don’t go near big trees in the night

If you live on a farm, don’t look outside the windows at night

I have broken all these rules.

I’ve seen some shit.

If it sounds like your mom, but you didn’t realize your mom is home…. it’s not your mom. Promise.

One walked onto the porch once. Wasn’t fun. But they’re not super keen on guns. Typically bolt when they see one.

You think it’s the neighbor kids.

It’s not the neighbor kids.

Might sound like coyotes but you never really /see/ the coyotes but then wow that one cow was reaaaaaally fucked up this morning. The next night when you hear another one screaming you just turn the tv up a little more. Maybe fire a gun in the air but you don’t go after it. If it is coyotes then it’s probably a pack and you seriously don’t want to fuck with that and if it’s the other thing you seriously REALLY don’t want to fuck with that.

So in the south, especially near the mountains, you just go straight from your car to inside your house, draw your curtains and watch tv.

If you see lights in the fields just fucking leave it alone.

Eyes forward. Don’t be fucking stupid. Mind your own business. Call your neighbors and tell them to bring the cats in. There’s coyotes out. Some of them know. Most of them don’t.

Other than that everything’s a ghost and they died in the civil war. Literally all of everything else is just the civil war. We used to smell old perfume and pipe tobacco in the weeks leading up to the battle anniversaries.

We had ‘witches’ in the mountains (more like ghost-women who will snatch you up by making you wander in a daze around the forest like the Blair Witch before killing you or letting you back out into society but you’re… different). Or devils in springs or abandoned wells (don’t look too long into one or something will follow you). 

But we also had the cornfield demons. I’ve witnessed this many times. You’ll be in the passenger seat looking out the window and see red glowing eyes in the cornfield. No light shining in that direction. Just two red dots a few inches apart faintly glowing in a pitch black cornfield. They’re not the glow of deer eyes in the headlights. More like the embers of a dying fire. Sometimes, as you drive away, you’ll look out the back window or side mirror and you can see the eyes have moved to the edge of the corn field, still watching you. If you bring it up with the driver, they’ll call you paranoid, but grip the wheel a bit tighter and driver a little faster.

Well, about halfway through I start to get scared. For no reason. Within the span of two heartbeats I grew so terrified that my palms were shaking and my mouth was dry and for some reason I couldn’t take my eyes off the wood to the driver’s side. 

“Turn around.” I say, quickly. 

“Dude, already on it.” Kama said, doing a quick three point turn. I look in the mirror as she’s pealing away and see the creature. It was vaguely humanoid, and hairless, with elongated limbs and pitch black eyes, on all four limbs, loping after us. Now, if you’re in the know, you might be thinking “hey that’s like the creatures from Until Dawn, I call bullshit on this.” Well, Until Dawn was four years away, and it wasn’t even in development yet, so shush. 

I rip my eyes away from it and hold on tight as she drives. Then, at the same time, both of us get this instinct and we speak. 

“Don’t look in the backseat.” Needless to say, neither of us did. She drove damn near 90 on a dark canyon until we saw the lights of her complex at the mouth of it. 

I haven’t gone back in there since, and that canyon got shut down about a year ago due to a landslide and it hasn’t opened back up. I’m a history major, and research always has been my first love, so I go digging. I visit the local history society, talk about my tale. Turns out the whole valley used to belong to a people called the Tativam. One day, after the Spanish arrived, they vanished. Without a trace. We have a graveyard of theirs that we know of. One of my professors was trying to stop the houses that were being built on it. Spoiler alert: he didn’t, and the houses are hella haunted, and nobody wants to live there. 

Personally I do think the creature is a wendigo. That chain of mountains is park of unbroken chain that leads right up the Serra Nevadas and Donner Pass. 

THE Donner Pass. 

Most of what we’ve got is due to the Gold Rush, and not just the hauntings (though there are plenty of those, a great many of them are theatre ghosts, most of whom are harmless, though some are very particular).  What we’ve got by way of Things were brought along on the trail from the Old Country to the East Coast and then along thousands of miles of wagon trail.

We’ve got our fair share of phantom hitchhikers and women in white, but mostly what we’ve got are the Things That Survived The Flood.  There was a flood in the early 1860s, one that caused the state capitol to actually be relocated for a while, and when it was over and the floodwaters receded, there was enough sediment left behind that what had been the second floor of buildings was now the ground floor.

Did y’all think I was kidding?