FOUL TARNISHED

my boner just grew thirty times in size like the grinch's heart

We all love the "becoming the very thing you sought to destroy," trope. but I have a growing fondness for "destroying the very thing you sought to become"

to make it more lynchian can't you read

are you gonna pick those penne noodles out of the boiling water one by one like a man, or are you gonna use a strainer like some kind of democrat?

#me when i get the rules for various situations from justin the jewel skeleton

beautiful, sexy, powerful and smart women named SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WARNING are attempting to contact me

beer isn't really worth it in the grand scheme of better things to drink but I do partake every now and again to go "oakenshield mode" regardless

three beers got me clapping my hand on my meekest friend's shoulder saying "my friend, I think we shall die in this place" and then laughing, presumably at fate

Mind your business

“when i was little” brother you are 5’3. so you must mean yesterday. or five minutes ago.

“i'll be there shortly” yeah. we know.

rage bait idea: like your own texts during an argument

okay. breathe. listen to my voice. can you tell me five things in this room you can fuck?

okay great. now list me four things in this room you can kill.

beautiful. there you go. okay. now: tell me three things you can impose unjust taxes on.

almost done. can you list two things you could shove in a pipe and smoke?

last one: one thing you could use as a makeshift weapon?

why are you still crying

too cool to jerk off to pictures of women with impossible hip to waist ratios yet not cool enough to jerk off to the concept of being killed, the rōnin pervert wanders this land in search of a slightly-higher-concept yet not totally abstract form of fetish posting