ᴀʀᴛɪғɪᴄɪᴀʟ ɴᴏᴄᴛᴜʀɴᴇ

the fleeting smile that skirted across his handsome features was enough to encourage her to press onward, though she would allow him to go at his glacial pace if it meant in the end she would receive some semblance of an clue, a key to unlock and begin to tend to the wounds he guarded so heavily behind his tortured gaze. a soft laugh tumbled past her lips as she followed along with his light humor, nodding along as he objected to her misogynistic comments. ❛   sorry fabi, how medieval of me. if you want to be the damsel, i don’t see why i can’t be the knight, i’ll run to the armory at once and get fitted for my armor.     ❜

though they had fallen into a sort of familiar routine after their legendary hashing out that fateful chilly october afternoon, the point they reached never provided a deep sense of understanding of what exactly they were. childhood friends? kindred souls? two unfortunately illfated teens condemned to a lifetime of suffering littered with anguish at every turn? perhaps. but the connection that remained from their childhood and continued to strengthen from that momemnt was hard to pinpoint and harder still to unravel or decipher. how could one begin to explain something so intricate, complicated and beautiful? the icy blonde could barely make sense of the chills that rolled up and down her spine every time his piercing eyes made contact with her own. worse still, how her hands continuously trembled when he engaged her in conversation but calmed down the moment his fingers touched her palm. there was beauty within their chaos, that much she could recognize easily. but when she dared question the motives behind it, she came up dry. 

and that was just touching the SURFACE of their complex situation. her response to him, intangible as it may be, was just an evolution of what she felt as a child, morphing into what one would expect the entangled emotions of an adult to be, right ? now to add the very H E A V Y  issue of her brothers passing and the similarities his case presented with gideon’s dissappearance, save for his return. the way he addressed it, though not outright and certainly veiled with a heightened sense of care, still made the petite witch wince.  ❛   i understand why you wanted that to be the case, whether it was conciously or not. i don’t know if my words will have much of an impact but you have to know fabi, you can’t beat yourself up for having hope that he didn’t go through something terrible. or that you were holding on to the gideon you lost that day, because it’s what you knew him to be. when reality slaps us in the face, that’s the starting point. it’s when your brain gets handed details it doesn’t want but needs to move forward. and you have to do that WITH him. learn to come to terms with the gideon you lost and work on helping the one you got back.     ❜   though he tore his hand away to erase the signs of exhaustion from his face, the stark contrast from the warm his touch provided wasn’t lost on her. it only pushed a frown to the surface while her hands searched for a way to T O U C H  him again. this time she couldn’t be sure if it was to comfort him or for her benefit. after all, she sought solace in his warmth when breaching this subject. ❛   it’s not about being selfless. i can’t say i-…. listen, it’s a bullshit situation to be in. for both of us. if i had it my way, neither of us would carry the weight of this fucked up situation we’ve been forced into. but i can’t change what happened. elphias is gone… but gideon isn’t. and in some twisted way i’d rather help you and be here for you to try and find some good in that news than linger in what would have happened with my brother. i’d drive myself crazy staying in the ‘what ifs’, i do that enough as is.     ❜ ❛   it won’t ever stop hurting. but i have to use that for something other than sulking around i think. i won’t hear the end of it once i meet him again if i don’t. plus seeing pain in those dreamy eyes of yours really fucks with my fantasies, i have to put a stop to it somehow for entirely selfish purposes. she muttered, hoping to lighten the mood if only partially.     ❜

He wasn’t sure that was the real problem. Fabian felt ashamed when he realized Gideon was different. He felt selfish. Disappointed. 

But she was right. Odette Doge, the young lass who would constantly follow him and Elphias around, was so bloody right he was unsure of how to respond. For a second, he forgot who was older. Who was taller. Fabian needed to be there for Gideon no matter the changes. He was struggling with something and regardless of the fallout, he had a duty to be there for his brother and to love him no matter what. 

“When did you get so wise?” He mindlessly mumbled as he continued along their path, his movements lacking any of his usual swagger. A tentative hand moved to run through his hair, a cough destroying the slight awkward silence that followed her kind thoughts. He replayed each word, each syllable about a thousand times on high speed. Sometimes Fabian thought too much and it left nothing but a chilling quiet to surround he and whoever was foolish enough to have a real conversation with him in the first place. 

His mother used to think he was deaf, often spending large chunks of his childhood shouting responses across short distances. Eventually she realized the same thing everyone else did: the bastard was just stuck in his own head. He understood the annoyance, especially when his mind would wander off mid-sentence because he was too busy thinking of the future while his mouth was spewing bullshit about the present. So instead of explaining to her friends that he had a hearing impairment, she simply smiled and called him a revolutionary. It was a bit much, but he never argued with her. He liked the title. 

So it was no surprise when, after every beautiful thought and sentiment she gifted him, the same ones he saved and tucked away, fabian chose to comment on the one that didn’t fit. “Y’know, ya say that stuff a lot.” His comment was as blunt as he could make it, but not angry. After Halloween, he was fully aware that there were some things the two weren’t discussing        one being the attraction he vehemently pushed aside. Where he avoided the topic, Odette had no qualms about sprinkling it on every conversation. “Keep it up an’ I might start to get the wrong idea, Dotty. Or the right one. Depends on how ya look at it.”

even though he didn’t offer many answers to the questions that swam within her curious gaze, she couldn’t help but succumb to the familiar warmth that ignited in the base of her stomach when he leaned into her touch. with them, one had to pay attention to the minute gestures and details to decipher what was actually simmering beneath the surface. wouldn’t it be easier to get their thoughts out in the open and declare the thousand passionate mumblings that ran across their minds each time they interacted? perhaps. but instead she found that her eyes fluttered shut as his forehead touched hers, lips parting as he gave into her request. It was a small victory she would delight in, especially since it meant they would actually escape and have a bit of time to theirselves away from prying eyes of strangers that wanted to relish in the latest prewett gossip. 

it was jarring to realize how easily he controlled her mood. how the second he stepped away, even though logically it was clear that he was doing exactly what she had asked him to, it still tore her up inside. the cold air that hit her slim frame as he stood sent a light chill down her back, the stark comparison made painfully evident once more when he pulled her closer and laced their fingers together as he led the way. the way he coaxed towards the forest while still keeping her warm was enough to make a soft smile tug at the edge of her lips, her eyes watching the hypnotic swirls he traced against her tender skin.  ❛ i thought the damsel was the one that was supposed to be distressed ?   ❜

 ❛  don’t worry, i’ll protect you from the spooky creatures of the night. it’s about time i did some of the heavy lifting, you’ve spent a decent number of years taking care of me after all.    ❜  odette teased lightly. though their tone was heavily laced with humor, the sentiment couldn’t be realer. after what he’d gone through, the stress of his brothers disappearance and more recently whatever demons he was facing without letting her in on, she had decided to take charge and protect him like he had done so frequently for her. after all, isn’t that what was expected? to take care of those you loved? if it wasn’t clear before, it was now. she loved fabian more than she’d even care to admit. not that they were even remotely close to breaching that subject at present.  ❛  so… ready to get things off your chest? don’t make me break out the pout, i do hope you’ll feel comfortable enough to talk to me without me having to convince you.     ❜

“  that  was     ,    ”    he  paused   ,   eyes  wide  in  disbelief  and  he  shook  his  head     ,    “    so  bloody  sexist    .    damn   ,   dotty    ,   ya  think  ya  know  a  girl    .    ”    he  squeezed  her  hand    ,    a  ghost  of  a  smile  gracing  his  lips  as  he  allowed  a  dramatic  sigh  to  fall  free  .    “    mum  said  i  could  be  anythin’    ,    i’ll  be  a  damn  damsel  if  i  want   ,    ”   fabian  mumbled  in  jest  under  his  breath    .

he  knew  walking  alone  was  a  bad  idea    .    the  castle  was  extremely  safe    ;    following  the  most  recent  news    ,    dumbledore  made  sure  to  put  the  place  on  lockdown    .    every  nook  and  cranny  was  charmed    ,    protected  and  whatever  the  hell  he  could  think  of    .    plus    ,    it  didn’t  help  that  fabian  was  the  poster  child  of  shitty  life  decisions    .     he  was  impulsive   .    crazy    .    

so  why  was  he  so  nervous    ?    why  was  his  heart  beating  as  if  he’d  taken  an  adrenaline  shot  to  the  chest     ?     why  did  he  feel  like  if  he  stopped  walking  for  one  single  fucking  second    ,    he  would  fall  to  the  floor  and  just   ….   DIE    ?

it  was  her  fault    .    he  knew  it   ,   deep  down    .    the  boy  wanted  a  relaxing  weekend   ,   but  instead  of  the  beach    ,    he  chose  to  ride  an  untested  death  trap  at  an  amusement  park    .    he  wanted  a  simple  dinner   ,    but  instead  of  a  salad    ,    he  ordered  a  random  item  off  a  five-star  french  menu    .    he  wanted  to  read  a  simple  book    ,    but  instead  of  a  child’s  novel    ,    he  chose  a  fucking  encyclopedia  written  in  braille    .    there  was  nothing  simple  about  having  odette  doge  as  company    .

and  the  most  complicated  part    ?    despite  the  way  she  set  him  on  edge     ,      he  couldn’t  remember  a  time  where  he  felt  so  comfortable    .

“   aw   ,    but  you’re  so  good  at  it   .    you  could  talk  a  WITCH  out  of  WAND’S  hand           wait    ,    that’s  not  right    .     ”    furrowing  his  brow  in  feigned  confusion    ,    a  notable  attempt  at  wasting  time   ,    he  finally  gave  in    .    the  boy  was  the  epitome  of  defeat    ,    all  too  ready  to  give  away  his  darkest  secrets  simply  because  a  pretty  blonde  asked  nicely    .

 ❛   just a little tired, huh ?  ❜ odette nodded slowly, her celestial eyes searching across his features for some sort of visible cue of what might be going on behind what he allowed her to see. after the news spread about gideon finally returning, the silver lining people often spoke of began to illuminate the horizon. it took shape with the constant whisperings of relief that littered the halls odette walked down and even she could begin to feel the unfamiliar swelling of hope attack her heart. it was that same hope that trickled into her soul that now seemed to confound her as she took in fabian’s reaction. knowing him and the bond he held so dear with his brother, she would have expected the complete contrary reaction. but then again, she was smart enough to know that if he wasn’t elated, there was something else that he wasn’t telling her.  ❛  something tells me you’re wrestling with something a little harder to resolve than just lack of sleep.  ❜

 ❛  sluggy might not miss you terribly but i have to admit i most definitely will. who’ll keep me entertained while he drones on and on  ❜  the blonde mindlessly teased, hoping to coax his eyes up to meet hers. her fingers gently grazed the nape of his neck, cautiously gauging his reaction as they travelled towards his chin.  ❛  or you and i can practice that disappearing routine we’ve gotten so fond of. take a trip along the edge of the forbidden forest. get to chatting. maybe the added bit of exercise to your routine will wake you up.  ❜

he  remained  in  place    ,    not  moving  save  for  the  tilt  of  his  head    ,    his  expression  roaming  between  tender  and  vacant    .     he  wished  he  could  fix  things     ,    but  no  picket  sign  or  protest  or  petition  could  save  what  really  mattered     .     maybe  he  was  just  wasting  his  time    .

and  odette    .    fuck    .   odette    ,    offering  a  kind  and  listening  ear  despite  the  horrendous  difference  between  the  two    .   his  brother  came  back    .    hers  didn’t    .   he  wanted  to  remain  strong    ;    pretend  nothing  was  bothering  him  if  only  to  save  her  the  trouble    .    but  then  she  touched  him  softly    ,     the  simple  brush  of  her  fingertips  against  the  back  of  his  neck  and  fabian  shattered  into  what  felt  like  a  thousand  pieces    .    the  forbidden  forest   ?    not  the  safest    .    but  bloody  hell   ,    she  could  ask  him  to  disappear  with  her  into  the  depths  of  the  black  lake  and  he  would  follow  willingly    .

the  feeling  of  her  touch  along  his  jaw  and  toward  his  chin  caused  him  to  shudder    ,    a  shaky  breath  slipping  free  as  his  head  fell  forward    ,    eyes  closed  as  his  forehead  rested  firmly  against  her  own   .    fabian  hadn’t  spoken    ,   hadn’t  answered  any  of  her  questions     ,    but  the  lack  of  space  he’d  caused  was  enough  for  him  to  break  this  pattern   .    “   yeah   ,   i    …  i  gotta  wake  up    .    ”    

taking  in  a  deep  breath    ,    he  forced  himself  to  stand    ,    his  body  suddenly  cold  given  their  newfound  distance   .   but  still  he  reached  for  her  hand    ,    subconsciously  desperate  to  have  her  skin  touching  his    .   and  normally  pulling  someone  in  a  certain  direction  lacked  any  emotional  connection     ,    but  fabian    ,    being  of  sound  mind  and  body    ,    chose  instead  to  intertwine  their  fingers  and  keep  her  close    .    he  wouldn’t  say  why    ,    but  the  tender  circles  he  caressed  along  her  thumb  might  have  been  a  clue    .    “    this  place  is  always  so  damn  creepy  at  night    .    ”

the  repeated  sentence  did  nothing  to  ease  the  unsteady  beat  of  his  heart     .     gideon  was  back    .    the  relief  was  like  a  drug    ,    surging  through  his  brain  and  leaving  him  unable  to  stand  still    .   and  while  he  may  have  come  down  from  the  panic    ,    that  did  nothing  to  ease  his  fear     .    his  brother  was  different    ;    changed    ;      hardened  by  those  terrifying  circumstances  that  no  doubt  plagued  his  dreams  every  night    .

fabian  wanted  so  badly  to  be  his  warmth    ,    shielding  him  from  those  cold  winds  and  chilling  thoughts    .    but  his  reserve  was  dwindling    ,    much  like  a  piece  of  fabric  that  had  been  ravaged  by  moths    .    “    i’m  a  little  tired     ,    ”     he  admitted  with  a  weary  smile    ,    eyed  glued  to  the  floor  as  he  reveled  in  HER  company    .  

odette  doge    :    the  only  working  light  in  a  city-wide  muggle  blackout    .

dulled  hues  DIDN’T  linger  upon  her  features     .    fabian  knew  the  curve  of  her  smile     ,    the  shape  of  her  nose  by  heart    .    dulled  hues  didn’t  NEED  to  linger  because  he  could  see  her  perfectly  every  time  he  closed  his  damn  eyes    ;    like  a  picture  glued  to  the  recesses  of  his  mind    .    and  dulled  eyes  COULDN’T  linger  because  fabian  was  awful  at  hiding  his  emotions  and  he  had  no  desire  to  unveil  whatever  secret  he  couldn’t  even  admit  to  himself    .

“   might  sleep  in  tomorrow    .   don’t  think  slughorn  will  miss  me  much    .    ”     he  chuckled     ,   keeping  in  a  yawn  as  he  ran  a  tired  hand  over  his  face     .