𝓺𝓾𝓲𝓮𝓽 :

as daisy explained her parents, she could help but smile lightly until daisy brought up gideon. every time his name was mentioned, molly’s heart dropped a little further in her chest. she listened as daisy stammered over his name and it made her wince. her lips curved into a tight reassuring smile as daisy continued with her story. it was BITTERSWEET listening to memories they had, knowing that Gideon was just a memory and that it possibly could remain that way. Molly considered herself an optimistic person, she wanted to expect the best outcome but with her brother’s abduction, she couldn’t help but take in statistics and stories. Especially similar ones like  the weasleys, these people didn’t turn up ALIVE. “rubina fawcett’s son” molly scoffed. that comment invoking a chuckle from the redhead. “gideon was- gideon is…” she stumbled, her eyes shutting at her own disheartened remark, the guilt immediately washing over her.  “uhm…definitely more entertaining than any Fawcett would ever be…I mean come on, the fawcetts may have money but the prewetts definitely win on personality.” 

                   he  should’ve  run  the  moment  he  saw  her  .   he  wasn’t  ready  ,   not  like  this  .   the  sight  of  her  was  overwhelming  ,   it  was  intoxicating  and  painful  .   just  with  one  look  ,   she  had  reached  into  his  heart  and  taken  the  wheel  ,   leading  his  thoughts  ,   his  words  ,   his  actions  .   he  hadn’t  come  to  see  her  yet  ,   because  he  didn’t  want  to  hurt  her  —  and  because  he  knew  he  wouldn’t  be  able  to  resist  her  if  he  did  .   and  he  was  right  .   she  had  such  a  tight  hold  on  him  ,   even  if  she  didn’t  know  it  .   and  he  never  wanted  her  to  let  go  .

                   the  sound  of  his  name  on  her  lips  was  like  muse  to  gideon’s  ears  ,   his  shoulders  collapsing  under  the  weight  .   she  was  almost  silent  and  it  was  deafening  .   she  really  was  his  siren  .   she  really  did  control  him  ,   in  what  was  once  a  beautifully  intricate  way  and  now  made  him  feel  trapped  ,   like  he  couldn’t  get  away  —  because  leaving  her  now  would  be  criminal  .   he  was  frozen  by  her  .   right  up  until  she  stepped  towards  him  ,   both  arms  flung  around  his  neck  and  her  face  nuzzled  in  his  shoulder  .   this  felt  right  .  

                   and  with  that  ,   gideon  melted  ,   a  sense  of  relief  letting  go  of  him  so  quickly  that  he  almost  fell  into  her  ,   arms  wrapped  around  her  small  frame  .   he  couldn’t  stop  it  anymore  ,   couldn’t  stop  as  the  weight  of  EVERYTHING  seemed  to  come  crashing  down  around  him  .   his  head  fit  so  perfectly  around  hers  ,   face  buried  in  her  hair  where  he  was  able  to  breathe  her  in  ,   as  if  he  were  breathing  fresh  air  for  the  first  time  .   being  with  her  ,   having  her  hold  him  like  this  felt  more  like  home  than  the  doorstep  he  had  been  dumped  on  ,   and  for  the  first  time  since  he’d  been  back  ,   he  could  feel  his  throat  close  in  and  his  eyes  burn  hot  .   daisy  had  always  been  his  safe  space  ,   he  could  talk  to  her  about  things  he  couldn’t  even  talk  to  fabian  or  molly  about  .   and  in  her  arms  yet  again  ,   he  felt  that  —  he  felt  safe  enough  to  collapse  ,   to  dampen  her  hair  with  his  tears  and  allow  a  sob  to  release  from  his  throat  .  

                   ❛  daisy  ,  ❜   he  whispered  again  ,   voice  muffled  by  her  hair  and  by  the  tears  that  kept  falling  .   ❛  i’m  so  sorry  .   i’m  so  sorry  .  ❜   his  legs  felt  heavy  ,   and  he  could  feel  himself  crumbling  —  she  should  let  her  go  before  he  brought  her  down  with  him  ,   but  he  never  wanted  to  let  her  go  again  .   holding  her  felt  like  the  first  good  thing  he  had  done  in  months  .   ❛  i’m  so  sorry  ,  ❜   he  mumbled  again  ,   his  fingers  falling  weak  and  the  letter  dropping  to  the  ground  .   as  it  fell  ,   it  brushed  against  her  leg  ,   making  the  smallest  noise  when  it  hit  the  carpet  .   he  knew  she’d  heard  ,   and  that  she’d  want  to  see  ,   but  he  hoped  she  wouldn’t  let  go  .  

               he  collapsed  into  her,  and  the  two  swayed  on  the  spot,  but  daisy  didn’t  let  go.  her  throat  was  tight  with  the  weight  of  too  many  emotions,  some  of  which  she  couldn’t  even  find  a  name  for.  daisy  had  never  been  one  to  show  strong  emotion  –  when  she  was  stressed,  or  upset,  she  went  quiet,  withdrew  like  an  ocean  wave  pulling  soundlessly  back  from  the  sand.  daisy  was  a  naturally  quiet  person.  she  always  had  been.  but  gideon  amplified  her.  he  could  reach  into  her  and  pull  out  truths  she  didn’t  even  know  she  was  hiding.  he  made  her  laugh.  he  made  her  cry.  and  now,  standing  here,  holding  him,  feeling  somehow  more  fragile  and  yet  more  secure  than  ever,  she  fully  realized  how  silent  she’d  been  in  his  absence.  how  silent  the  world  had  been  in  his  absence.  which  was  why,  when  she  felt  the  first  sob  rack  his  body,  daisy  cried  with  him.

               she  cried  for  the  months  he’d  lost.  she  cried  for  the  months  she’d  waited.  she  cried  because  she  was  furious,  she  cried  because  she  was  ecstatic.  he  crumbled,  and  she  let  him,  sinking  to  her  knees  but  still  holding  tight.  they  ended  up  in  a  tangled  embrace  on  the  common  room  floor,  daisy  stroking  his  hair  and  murmuring  into  his  neck.   ❛   —   you  have  nothing  to  be  sorry  for.  you  have  nothing  to  be  sorry  for.   ❜   maybe  repetition  would  help  him  believe  it.  she  pulled  away  enough  to  look  him  in  the  eyes,  teary  gaze  meeting  his.   ❛   —   gideon,  you  have  nothing  to  be  sorry  for.   ❜   

               she  touched  his  cheek,  gently  at  first,  as  if  he  were  porcelain  that  might  break,  and  then  reached  out  another  hand  to  cradle  his  face.   ❛   —   you’re  here.  i’m  here.  i’m  not  going  anywhere.  it’s  going  to  be  okay,  gideon,  i  promise.   ❜   and  although  the  logical  part  of  her,  the  daisy  part  of  her,  knew  that  she  couldn’t  promise  that,  she  believed  it  anyway.  more  than  she’d  believed  anything  her  whole  life.

               daisy  let  out  a  long,  shaky  breath,  tactfully  looking  away  from  his  tearstained  face  to  give  him  a  minute  to  compose  himself.  her  eyes  landed  on  an  envelope  resting  a  foot  away.  so  that’s  what  he  dropped.  curious,  she  picked  it  up,  and  was  surprised  to  see  her  own  name  on  it.  a  soft  smile  spread  across  her  face,  and  she  glanced  up  at  him.   ❛   —   gid,  what  is  this  ?   ❜   four  months  missing  and  he’d  still  managed  to  remember  their  anniversary.

in  any   other  circumstances , molly   would  have   been   thrilled  at  getting   the  combination of  parents  and  Christmas   at   Hogwarts  but  her   family  wasn’t   the  same . the  prewett family  was  an   empty  shell   of   what  it  used  to  be, there   was  nothing   to  celebrate   over the   holidays. “Avoid  me? Wow   Daisy, that’s  cruel.” she   chuckled,   popping  a  profiterole   into  her   mouth.  “something?”   she  raised   an   eyebrow,  curious , “do  go   on…”  molly   smiled  softly,  leaning  her   head  on  her  hand.

“ uh, YEAH, I’d noticed, “   lachlan muttered in an undertone, trying to whisper   ( uselessly, he supposed )   now that daisy was actually awake. the air in the room was beginning to give him a headache, and he floundered for more words through the throb of it.   “ this sort of doesn’t seem like a prime nap spot. I mean, just in my opinion: kinda shitty. that’s why I was waking you up? “   lachlan’s voice trailed off, and with a grimace he sat down next to daisy.   “ the seating is uncomfortable, at least. if you’ve gotta nap outside of your bed, the library’s always my pick. “

happy anniversary, my love.

my dearest daisy. one year ago today, january 4th 1977. that will always be one of my favourite dates, i think. i know. would it be cliche to say that when you said yes, you made me the happiest man alive? i’m always a cliche when it comes to you. it’s a good thing nothing else matters when i’m with you, or else i might be inclined to feel embarrassed. 

i don’t know what to say. how to write. i wasn’t good with words before, and i’m no better now. i have so much i think i need to say, so much that is eating at what is left of me. but i need to say something, because moving on as if this date is nothing would be impossible. you mean so much more to me than i think you’ll ever know, and you deserve to be told the truth.

and maybe that’s what i’m trying to say. that you deserve the entire world, and more. i always thought you were too good for me, did you know that? did i tell you that enough? did i tell you enough that the moment you agreed to go out with me, you were it, you were my priority and my focus and soon enough i came to realise that you might just be the love of my life. then again, i’m just 17 18, what do i know about love? all i know is that i love you like i’ve never loved anyone before. and that means you’ll always be special to me, because i know i’ll never love anyone else the same. that’s what’s so special about love, you see. it’s unique. no love is ever the same. i like to think ours is pretty damned special, though.

i don’t remember much these last few months, daisy. and i’m not writing to you to explain my sob story. but i want you to know that in one way or another, you kept me grounded in reality when i thought i was dead. because i knew that you were real, that we were real. that no matter where i was, you were still there, somewhere, even if i wasn’t there with you. i can’t even properly express what that feeling was like — the feeling of you, everywhere, when all i felt was pain.

but that’s the thing. all i felt was pain. for four months. and i think that it’s changed me more than anyone ever expected it to. more than maybe it should’ve. i’ve been broken down to someone you wouldn’t recognise. and maybe that’s part of the reason i haven’t come to see you — i’m afraid of who you’ll see when you look at me. because it’s not me anymore. you will always be the daisy i fell in love with, but i will never again be the gideon you fell for. my bed feels empty without you in it, but my love for you was never about me. it’s always about you. and i can’t do that to you. i can’t pretend that it’s the same, and i’m afraid of who i am to you now. i’m afraid you won’t want me. i’m afraid of who i am.

this isn’t a break up, not really. because i think the real ‘break up’ happened back on august 4th, when i stopped existing as the boy i once was. i love you, daisy. i will always love you, in some way. but you can’t love me anymore — and that’s okay. 

and i’m sorry.

i hope this isn’t goodbye. i’m just not ready yet.

all my love, gideon

gideon didn’t have to draft any letters before he wrote this one. he didn’t often write, but when he did, he just wrote. there was no such thing as a first draft or a second draft, there was just the letter. and it was imperfect, of course it was, but it was real — and daisy hookum deserved real. he hadn’t even waited to write it, either ( it was written only a week after he was returned to his doorstep ) but he waited to deliver it. he needed the timing to be right, that stupid romantic heart of his. no matter how broken he was, he understood the importance of things that were once everything to him. and january 4th was once the only date that mattered. even back in july, only seven months into their relationship, gideon had been thinking about this exact date, about what he would do to commemorate the year that they had spent together. i’m so glad you took a chance on me, he would say, floating candles surrounding their little space, just the two of them. i love you. and i can’t wait for another year.

there was never a time where gideon was going to let this date pass without notice. as soon as he’d been grounded, realised how soon that date really was, he’d begun writing. he couldn’t bear to see her, but he couldn’t bear to ignore her. and he hoped beyond all reason that he had explained that, enough, that she understood why he’d been avoiding her for this long. how he wished that he could just go running back into her arms, to collapse and allow her to ground him like she did even when she wasn’t there, but that was selfish. and gideon might’ve changed a lot, but he would always put others before himself — especially her.

he didn’t want an owl to deliver it, though. or even a friend. that felt impersonal, it felt wrong. perhaps it was a stupid idea, but he wanted to leave it on her pillow himself, he wanted to press a kiss against where her head had been, to take a moment to envelope himself in her scent. it was definitely a stupid, love-blind idea, but it was one he insisted on. as he walked quietly through the castle, the rest of the students and staff well into their dinner feast ( he hadn’t eaten much since his return, so he didn’t feel as if he were missing out ), his heart seemed to race, the idea of being so close to where she had been so intoxicating. whispering the password to the ravenclaw portrait, which he had acquired through the pity of a sixth year, gideon stepped inside, inhaling a deep breath and charging forward — directly into daisy herself.

his heart stopped. everything stopped. his eyes immediately locked onto hers, mouth forming a small ‘o’, refusing to release the breath he had just drawn in. it was really her. she looked as beautiful as ever. her eyes had him locked, unable to move as if she were a siren and he was her pirate. the letter hung stupidly from his hands, brushing delicately on her coat. they were so close. he didn’t know what to say, how to breathe. he was frozen.  ❛ daisy, ❜  he whispered, her name like honey on his tongue.  ❛ hi. ❜

               she  hadn’t  forgotten  the  date,  not  even  for  a  minute.  it  had  hung  all-too-present  in  her  mind  as  the  days  crept  forward  and  gideon  was  still  missing.  and  then,  when  he’d  returned,  christmas  eve,  she’d  actually  started  looking  forward  to  it.  of  course,  it  wouldn’t  be  an  anniversary  like  either  of  them  had  pictured,  but  at  least  he  would  be  here.  at  least  he  would  be  alive.  

               daisy  knew  she  should’ve  gone  to  find  him  a  long  time  ago,  as  soon  as  she’d  heard  of  his  return,  really,  but  a  crowd  of  excuses  and  doubts  had  stayed  her  feet.  she  should  give  him  his  space.  she  didn’t  know  what  she  would  say.  and  the  worst  of  all,  even  though  she  knew  it  wasn’t  true  –  what  if  he  didn’t  want  her  there  ?  she’d  spent  so  much  time  hoping  he  would  be  found,  and  now  that  it  had  happened,  she  didn’t  know  what  to  do.  

               but  today  she  wasn’t  going  to  let  her  doubts  and  worries  stop  her.  gideon  deserved  more  than  that,  especially  today.  so  when  everyone  else  headed  to  dinner  (  an  event  gideon  had  been  conspicuously  absent  from  )  she  was  a  woman  on  a  mission.  she’d  search  the  entire  castle  to  find  him  if  she  had  to.

               as  it  turned  out,  she  didn’t  have  to.

               as  soon  as  she  saw  him,  an  overwhelming  rush  of  relief  swept  over  her,  so  powerful  her  knees  threatened  to  give  way.  her  doubts,  so  daunting  before,  were  now  nothing  more  than  a  wisp  of  cloud  in  the  back  of  her  mind.  how  silly  she  was,  to  think  any  of  them  would  matter.  he  said  her  name,  and  some  tectonic  puzzle  piece  clicked  back  into  place.  her  world  shifted.  she  could  breathe  again.  she  hadn’t  realized  how  much  she’d  missed  him.  her  best  friend  was  here,  and  he  was  standing  in  front  of  her,  and  they  were  going  to  be  okay.  they  were  going  to  be  okay.

              。•  * ☪      ❛      gettin’   real  sick  of  findin’  people  passed  out  in  random  parts  of  the  castle      .     ❜      a  heavy  sigh  emerged  as  he  allowed  himself  to  fall  lazily  onto  one  of  the  sofas     ,    muddied  boots  lifting  to  rest  firmly  on  the  fancy  coffee  table      .     fuck  the  aesthetic      .     ❛      if  i  can’t  sleep      ,     why  should  you      ?       ❜      the  castle  was  ridiculous            sally  was  talking  to  timmy    ,    who  was  talking  to  britney   ,    and  ethan    ,    and  blah  blah  fuckin ‘  blah    .    no  wonder  daisy  was  hiding  out     .     if  the  grapevine  were  a  person     ,    fabian  would’ve  pushed  it  off  the  side  of  the  astronomy  tower  ages  ago     .     ❛    do  ya  know  why  i’m  here      ?      ❜     

Tilting  her  head, “you  do  have  a point, I  don’t  think  Sirius  Black  is  too keen on releasing them…” She  chuckled, “they  are  basically  his  property.” She pointed out, lifting  her  satchel and  lifting  herself  from  the  bench  to  cross  to  the  ravenclaw table. Sighing, the  quiet  was a  RELIEF, “Merlin, I don’t think I’ve  heard  such  peaceful  silence  since  the  WOMB.”

“ oi– d’you mind taking your angst elsewhere? some of us are trying to sleep in here. “ 

               daisy  had  long  perfected  the  art  of  tuning  out  her  parents,  but  it  was  much  more  challenging  when  there  were  other  people  around  who  hadn’t.  it  had  been  less  than  a  day  since  theodora  and  wendell  hookum  had  arrived  at  the  castle,  and  already  daisy  was  ready  to  sink  into  the  floor.  even  though  the  dining  hall  had  been  magically  expanded  to  fit  the  influx  of  parents,  she’d  never  felt  so  claustrophobic.

               ❛   —   HE  doesn’t  teach  you,  does  he  ?   ❜   theodora  hookum  whispered  audibly,  pointing  at  hagrid  (  who,  thankfully,  was  sitting  at  the  far  end  of  the  professors’  table,  and  was  not  one  of  the  many  people  within  hearing  distance  ).

               ❛   —   no,  mum,  he’s  just  the  groundskeeper.   ❜

               the  older  witch  hummed,  hands  fluttering  at  her  collarbone  restlessly.   ❛   —   i'm  surprised  they  let  him  work  here.  he’s  obviously  at  least  part-troll,  or  some  other  kind  of  half-breed.   ❜   when  daisy  made  no  reply,  she  took  that  as  an  invitation  to  continue.   ❛   —   i  suppose  professor  dumbledore’s  KEEN  on  charity  cases  though,  isn’t  he  ?  i  heard  hogwarts  has  the  highest  percentage  of  …  you  know,  muggleborns  than  any  other  european  wizarding  school.   ❜   

               theodora  paused,  perhaps  noticing  her  daughter’s  lack  of  receptiveness,  and  then  raised  her  voice  slightly.   ❛   —   it’s  definitely  MUCH  different  than  beauxbatons  was,  that’s  all  i’m  going  to  say.   ❜   in  her  youth,  theodora  hookum  had  spent  all  of  one  year  at  beauxbatons  before  transferring  to  hogwarts  when  she  was  twelve,  and  enjoyed  making  sure  everyone  else  knew  it.

               ❛   —   he  hired  a  goblin,  why  not  a  troll  ?   ❜   daisy’s  father  spoke  up,  nodding  towards  flitwick  (  who,  less  thankfully,  was  sitting  at  the  close  end  of  the  professors’  table,  and  who  looked  incredibly  affronted.  ).

               ❛   —   dad,  professor  flitwick’s  not  a  goblin,   ❜    daisy  whispered,  mentally  lamenting  her  future  charms  mark.   ❛   —   he’s  just  …  SHORT.   ❜

               theodora,  meanwhile,  had  tired  of  the  topic  after  going  fifteen  seconds  without  speaking.   ❛   —   are  the  prewetts  here  yet,  do  you  know  ?  dear,  we  MUST  give  them  our  sympathies.  blood  traitors  or  not,  daisy  was  close  with  their  boy  who  went  missing,  remember.  garrett,  was  it  ?  how  terrible  they  must  feel.  i  hear  their  other  boy  is  DREADFULLY  political.  i  really  couldn’t  imagine.   ❜

    “A   lot   less   chaotic,”     Molly  agreed,  eyeing   up    the    Gryffindor   table.    “Gryffindor      Pride    is    instilled    in    me   but    we    can    be      bloody      loud.”      She   followed     Daisy’s   reference     to     the      pastries      stacked      upon      Sirius      Black’s      plate,her   eyes  automatically  fell   on    his  plate   without   any   attempt to   disguise it.   “Hopefully      there   is   a    few    profiteroles   left   at    your   table,   they     are    my    favourite…and    ours      seem      to      be      being      held      hostage.”      Her   lips   curved    into    a   small   smile. 

                 。•  * ☪     ❛  well  that’s  a  given    ,  ❜   he  teased   ,   far  too  quickly  to  know  any  better   .   occasionally   ,    words  would  escape  his  mouth  without  paying  the  toll           something  that  led  the  boy  into  problematic  situations  more  than  once   .   so  despite  having  decided  to  leave   ,   his  need  for  sarcasm  kept  him  glued  to  his  seat   .     ❛    call  it  what  it  is   ,   days    ,    you’re  lookin’  to  have  a  self-portrait  done   .    ❜   an  OP  fell  free  as  his  lips  rounded  in  a  playful  “o”  shape   .      ❛    put  on  a  hat  !   i  can  uncrumble  that  paper  an’  call  it  a  day   .  ❜

“the exact reason why i asked to discuss imps and how i don’t think they should be labelled as dangerous creatures – i didn’t have it in me to even discuss the process of conjuring a patronus – i don’t even think i can do it anymore –” he muttered, a small frown etched at his lips. 

“i know –” he sighed, defeat felt inevitable at this point and merlin, misery just loves company – he needed to step away from this, “come on – lets take a break?”

 This year instead of excitement regarding the holidays , Molly felt NAUSEOUS. Maybe staying at Hogwarts was better than going home but nothing about staying bode well with Molly. Everything about Hogwarts at Christmas felt UNNATURAL. She wanted a distraction, something to acknowledge other than the holidays. A TAP ON THE TABLE DREW MOLLY’S ATTENTION BACK TO THE BUSTLING GREAT HALL SURROUNDING HER. “ Shit sorry, were you saying something?” A deep breath and a soft smile, “I was tuning out all this noise, it’s getting pretty crowded.” 

         。•  * ☪     ❛   y’know  what  they  say   ,   dontcha  daisy ?   ❜    he  leaned  closer   ,   looking  left  and  then  looking  right    .  ❛     nothin’  screams  equality  quite  like  a  buffalo  wearin'  a  hat    .   ❜    moving  back   ,   he  allowed  a  disappointed  gaze  to  wander  over  his  work    ,    the  boy  eventually  crumbling  it  up  and  tossing  it  in  the  nearest  wastebasket   (   showing  off  his  lack  of  athleticism  by  missing   )   .     he  needed  to  keep  himself  busy   ;   a  normal  desire  made  worse  by  the  lingering  presence  of  the  girl  who  had  unknowingly  caused  him  endless  grief    .   she  was  smart            this  he  knew             but  she  never  seemed  to  notice  how  his  breath  hitched  every  time  she  looked  at  him   .   how  he  suddenly  stopped  hanging  around  her  after  she  started  dating  his  brother   .   how    ,   even  then   ,   he  wanted  to  be  anywhere  but  there    .    ❛    …      should  probably  find  someone  who  actually  knows  what  they’re  doin’   .   ❜