days & months & years; you & me

Last night I got an angry message on my Tumblr from a user asking why I was flaming their story on AO3.

I never leave negative comments (and I've left over 500 positive ones!). I looked into it, and the hatebots on AO3 used my username with (Guest) at the end to send one of the most vile messages I've ever read to a user in a completely different fandom from me.

I straightened it out with that user and explained about the hatebots. But their initial message to me was angry, they'd found me off AO3 on Tumblr and called out personal details from my page because they thought I was bullying them.

I still can't really fathom why these hatebots do what they do, but I'm also a little scared that a misunderstanding like that could lead to someone getting doxxed. And I'm also extremely sad that this bot is posing as me and threatening other users. I encouraged the one reaching out to me to report and block and made a note on my page explaining that (Guest) comments are not from me in case anyone else had that experience.

I still love AO3 for the ability to write and share and connect over our stories and fandoms, but this is really discouraging and scary, in addition to the almost daily art bot scams I get on AO3 too.

And my heart breaks for the user who thought even for a moment that a complete stranger would say such awful things to them using my name.

And it's devastating to think of so many writers waiting for feedback on a story they worked so hard on who are getting hateful comments like these. Or to think someone could internalize those hateful comments without knowing it's a bot.

My heart breaks especially for newer writers on AO3, it's definitely a different landscape from when I joined two years ago.

As a kid who grew up watching Terminator - I'm not sure I envisioned the robot wars looking quite like this!!

Here's the form to report abuse if you have a comment from a bot: https://archiveofourown.org/abuse_reports/new

Here's a link with additional information on the different types of bots on AO3: AO3 Comment Bots - Fanlore https://share.google/m9IhE4NEGMNgHjtWq

Here's a way to fight the bots by leaving positive comments, join the AO3 comment fest bingo: https://ao3org-tumblr-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/ao3org.tumblr.com/post/808198255312781312/welcome-to-feedback-fest-2026/

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(say yes to) a chance at happiness ✨

my piece in collaboration with @fa1rytunes for the wriolette bang on twt!

childe's checkup w nurse scara

Shion and Nezumi commission for pencilpai_ on X

Genshin Impact | Heartfelt Doodlings | Backgrounds

I really want to give you a hug, anon 💗 You're being so mean to yourself, and you really don't deserve it.

Why are you so sure that no one will read anything that you write? And why do you think you'd be a loser if that were the case?

Community is a really important part of creating for a lot of people. They draw energy and motivation from sharing ideas and getting excited about each other's art. They get inspired by talking to other people about their projects or about the source material or about a shared love of a trope.

But from what you wrote here (and I could be wrong, this is just one paragraph), it sounds like you need a community in order to find your self-worth. You are describing your success or failure, your value or lack thereof in terms of what other people think about you and whether they react to your work.

You are good and important and worth knowing whether other people read your fic or not ❤️❤️

When it comes to finding a community, I recommend starting with just one person. Find someone who's blog you like or whose writing or art you enjoy and reach out to them. Send an ask. Drop a comment. Try a DM. Whatever you're comfortable with, get to know them a little and see if you want to be friends. Once you've got one person, it's easier to find more.

But at the same time that you do that, try to change the way you talk to and about yourself. I know it's hard and it might even feel awkward, but it makes a difference if you can keep it up. It even stops being hard after a while.

Remember that no other person's opinion is more important than your own. You created your work and you understand it best. Your first audience is yourself, after all.

You'll never be able to control what other people do - whether they read your fic or comment on it, whether they like it or hate it or leave a kudos.

Instead of thinking about those things, think about what you can control. Choose what stories you write. Do the things you're passionate about. Celebrate goals like word count or completing a fic or writing a really great line. Those are all achievements too, and none of them depend on the opinions of others.

there's this post i saw recently--something about how the act of your art being perceived is, for many of us, part of the process of making art. the work isn't complete until it's been acknowledged. you have worth, anon, and your work matters, but i fully understand how empty it feels to go unnoticed, to be unseen.

in february i became aware of something newer: an anime adaption for a long-running manga that wrapped up last year. (yes, it's obvious what i mean, but that's not what this post is about.) i told my partner it looked interesting, and by the end of the month we finally watched it. we'd both fallen into a creative slump post-last fandom, even with our OCs to play with; within days of starting this anime, we wanted to do things with it.

the sting of being kind of a nobody in the last space made me feel like maybe i'd be better off staying away from fandoms. it wasn't anybody's fault, after all; it just made me sad, and i was better off avoiding situations where i'd feel that way. (and obviously, in worse states of self image, such a thing can make you feel quite worthless.) i didn't intend to try and get into this fandom. the ship i liked had 11 fics on ao3, and i only ended up checking the tumblr tag because i wanted to see what fanart there was.

it was... more than i was expecting! i'd been distancing myself from tumblr, but i was captivated by all the art and posts for what seemed like a rarepair, and everyone was actually interacting with each other. i wasn't hopeful, though. i told myself i would still go unnoticed, and it would hurt all the more for glimpsing this shimmer of a community i'd love to be in. i started reblogging fanart of the ship--i went all the way back in the tag, there still wasn't that much--and followed a few people who posted about it, but i intended to sit on my hands, do my own thing and try not to expect much.

it started with one person. i'd been having some really surface level interactions with reblogs and meta posts, but i got to talking with someone about the ship, someone who was also relatively new to the fandom but already seemed to know people. i was terrified of the possibility of rejection but excited anyway; we got to talking on discord, and i even shared some of my fears, concerns that i would be a ghost in this fandom too, that my presence wouldn't matter. but talking with them gave me a little bit of hope. i started reaching out to some other regulars in the tag, and people i'd become mutuals with over the aforementioned meta posts and my own nonstop reblogging of ship content.

season one of this anime just ended. there will likely be only two of them; the second one is in production. our ship tag hit 100 fics not too long ago. people love the fic i started writing before i even finished the manga, and i have dozens of people i consider friends, several even close friends, who i met through this fandom. my partner is also in that mix, making his own work and being recognized for it, a welcome member of this community that's built up and solidified around this ship.

i understand how it feels to feel worthless. like a nobody. i have my partner, yes, and the loneliness stings less with someone at your side, but i was still lonely. i'm someone who thrives on validation and community. i wanted a space where people would value what i had to say, and the things i posted, and i had no idea how to make that happen.

it started with one person. ao3cotd is right about that. they're also right about how you should treat yourself--you have to be more gentle, and understand that you're not flawed for not being seen. fandoms are big places. sometimes people fall through the cracks, and it hurts and it sucks, but it's not because there's something wrong with you. you're not a loser; you're a fan, same as everyone else, and you belong in these spaces as much as anyone else does.

you can find your people. i turned 29 this year and this is the first time i've ever felt this involved in a fandom space that made me feel this valued. i've been in other good ones, though, and even there, it started with one person, one hesitantly posted fic, one enthusiastic meta post. you have to exist before people can find you. and they will find you, rarepair or unpopular character or otherwise. but you have to take a step out into that direction first.

second preview and collab piece with @fa1rytunes who wrote the sweetest poem!

cyno's comedy act debut in fontaine