I Ate Your Goldfish

In case you need a comfort watch and because Youtube search nowadays sucks rancid putrescence, I remind you of the Princess Bride Home Movie from the lockdown, starring everybody

women are like diamonds: synthetically-produced women are not meaningfully different from naturally-formed women, and anyone trying to tell you otherwise is probably trying to justify keeping their women mines open

attention acolytes! in order to maximize shareholder value, i will be turning all of you into gold statues, frozen in twisted spasms of pain for all eternity, in a great and lifeless mausoleum. we expect to eke out a marginal gain in Q3

And how does this increase shareholder value O Great and Powerful Dark One?

Obviously we can add the statues to our assets while also cutting down on employee expenses.

I see! This sounds like a sustainable business practice and I have no further questions.

yes! im so good at Company

@its-just-hyper

Am I allowed to sexualize the puppet from project hail mary or do I have to wack it to Ryan Gosling because I will if I have to but frankly I'd rather have that alien skittering all over me like a sexy bug. Fuuuck they call him rocky because he make my rock hard

one of the funniest controversies to ever occur on this blog was when I made a post about a really expensive and really good yogurt I accidentally got hooked on and how it sucked to really like an expensive product you got on super sale and people accused me of posting an undisclosed ad because I spoke so highly of this yogurt I couldn’t afford to buy on the reg 😭

whose dumb ass idiot fuck idea was it to make medicine cost money

go to triple hell

just a heads up. im gonna do a big curse soon

okay so honestly i wasn’t expecting they’d be able to hide the body for this long

LINDSEY GRAHAM ?

Hey I'm sure there's a perfectly innocent reason someone could be desperately searching for muppet hole. Muppet hole is a normal thing to want

Movie about a depressed and rather morbid autistic man planning to commit suicide and picking up a number of odd jobs in an effort to raise enough money to meticulously plan and prepay for his funeral so his mother doesn’t have to worry about it after he is gone. He begins to connect with people and enjoy life for the first time while working part time as a greeter in the funeral home, helping an eccentric old lady organize her basement, walking 7 dogs and maintaining a feral cat colony for a guy with a broken foot, playing a number of bit parts in local ads and stocking the shelves at the convenience store at night. In the end, he has befriended many of his neighbors and he decides he does not want to die and goes back to school to become a funeral director instead.

He is popular at his funeral home gig because he keeps accidentally saying things that are very reassuring and death positive. Because he wants to die. He eventually donates his funeral fund to the old lady’s granddaughter after her sudden death so she does not have to sell her grandmother’s prized possessions to pay for her funeral.

The old lady gifts him one of her ceramic cats at the beginning of the film which he reluctantly accepts out of politeness. Near the end of the film, he adopts a friendly cat from the cat colony that looks remarkably like the ceramic cat and names it after her, signaling his commitment to surviving and caring for his cat the way the old woman lived for her ceramic collection.

Not now, kitten, m- da- m- your parental figure is in the middle of a gender crisis

@f4k3lu