1-800-NOW-EXIT @existential-advice-column - Tumblr Blog

Existential advice for the modern men and women and children of silicon valley:

Do call your mother or grandmother often

And

Don't tell her anything and everything

But just listen

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Ros Sereysothea, OMEGAH RED feat MF DOOM & RZA. Books Of War, Kaun Komso...

#Youtube

I'd advise you to...get some good advice from whomever?

#kaleidoscope #mirror #forrest #burn #driving around rolling hills #cruzing #having fun #passenger princess

Now what? What now?

What kind of advice do you need?

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#observe #hights #driving #mountians #fireside #advice #advisor #environment #environmental #damage

#sunflower #tall sunflower #skyscraper #skyscrapersunflower #flower #good day #good thoughts #existential #life #life force #feminine #advice #advisor #college advice

1-800-now-exit how can I help you?

Um yeah I am having a kind of crisis right now

What seems to be the problem sir?

I haven't been able to...well...excuse my language mam but I haven't well been able to ejaculate since my wife told me she had sex with someone else.

Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. I understand how frustrating that must be.

Yes it's extremely frustrating mam to say the least.

Well not a problem sir, we are here to help you! Just remember the two very important things to keep close by you during this important process.

Oh that's right! I got it right here. Yep here's the sonofabitch right here I got you. Don't even trip I got something that's going to work, it's practical AND effective. "Don't worry this will only take a second don't take that out of your mouth just yet wait till you hear the bell, oh shit hahaha my bad I am so sorry honey what did you say? Hang on man I need to adjust something here real quick

Um sir what are you--

Shhhh.....don't .don't say anything just yet wait till I'm strapped in. I wanna let it go all at once as to achieve the full effect. This is a long distance call and I need it to count.

I'm not sure I understand sir what are you doing?

I'm ...uh...what? Whad you mean you said --

I was going to say you need to remember to make sure that before we begin you need to provide your own life salvation. We will guide you through the process but we do not guarantee that you will be able to fully sublimate without a trained professional present. This is just a temporary patch. Do I have your consent to continue with the possession?

I am fully possessed with everything right here. You ready little girl? We gonna finally get that little fucking thing out of your hide once and for all.

Hello?

Yeah?

annoyinglyhornybutch

if i play my cards right this girl will be my puppy by the end of the week. trust me.

annoyinglyhornybutch

good news everyone

annoyinglyhornybutch

i’m possessive but also a big lover of bodily autonomy. so it’s like. wear what i tell you but also you don’t have to and you can do whatever you want. and you’re mine but also you’re a person and don’t belong to anyone. show me your tits but also only if you want you don’t owe me anything.

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Dear Andres,

Do you do personal ads and if so I am young hot female in my prime looking to go roller skating for the first time, only thing is I am quite shy and awkward, and also extremely paranoid. I'm terrified that people think I'm just too weird. I don't trust men, am terrified of beautiful women and am afraid I'll be stalked by my overly possessive ex boyfriend if I attempt to find meaningful connection elsewhere. I don't want to hurt anybody, I just want to make some friends. Can you help me out?

- I'm a tater in Idaho

To addicts everywhere when addiction is triggered what do you do?

#asking questions #quest #love #quest for love #answers #where are they?#social #special persons #everyone feeling some type of way #revolt #opium dens #late theatre xxx movies private tickets only show #regular stuff #office job #random question #aliens are everywhere

Dear Andreas, Things have been a little tense since I have decided to come out to my family as a drug addict. I told them that I've been a drug addict since I was a teenager, and that I have since developed a physical dependence to opiates. To make matters worse, the first thing that my mother did was tell everyone and anyone who would listen her story of her poor daughter and how humiliated she is at her daughter's lack of ambition and success. The thing that really annoys me is that if I had never told them the truth, none of this would have been a problem since the issue doesn't and never did ever affect my parent's lives until the point that I told them that I had a problem. Now they TREAT me like a drug addict, making the issue far worse than I think it really is. There seems to be a fixation on the idea of "fault" and the growing elephant in the room which seems to be steadily growing by the minute. What do i do - Sincerely, Director of the Honest Policies

Dearest D.H.P. My heart goes out to you and your struggle with honesty. It seems the damage has been done. All you can do now is own up to your virtues with as much dignity and grace as you can. They do say honesty is the best policy, and perhaps you might need to do some real internal investigation as to why you prefer to dance with deception over some humble honesty? Oh what tangled webs we weave when we practice to deceive. Perhaps it best to keep it simple, avoiding relationships where switching up becomes the "new normal".

#philsophy #advice #dear abby #advice column #addiction #hopelessness #depression #struggles #substance abuse #tiger moms #asian mom #helicopter

Q: Do you pay your existential advisor? A: The question is HOW do you pay your existential advisor?

a. U.S. currency b. good deads c. IOU's d. "one free hug" coupons e. royalties f. none (the advice rewards itself) g. all of the above

Be well advised: mantra for addiction: it ain't doin' shit but keeping you from getting sick. And avoidance is the worst thing you can do for anxiety. You don't need drugs and alcohol to feel well. How about a hug in the warm sunshine?

#sobriety #addiction #self help #self care #advise #mantras #healing #hope #existentialism #philosophy #good thoughts #good thinking #common sense #dog whisper

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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