#advice column

~ Meridian Record, Meridian CT; August 1, 1927

hi there! im sure this is a pretty common feeling amongst people, so if anyone has their own takes to share id be willing to take them! :)

roleplay is definitely a solution, of course that depends on avaliability and also comfort of both yourself and your friend. i know for me personally, i am very particular about the way my f/o is written so roleplay isnt really an option i consider. and id be too worried to roleplay anyone elses f/os out of fear of mischaracterisation, too lol

i just turn to writing fic myself! i know that having to write your own responses probably doesn't scratch the itch you're looking for, but it does allow you to characterise them as you see fit. my personal preference is to write mindlessly, as i do not share most of the selfship fic i write. this way there is no pressure to make it a masterpiece, and i can just have fun. sometimes its even fun just to write chat fics!

something else i do is just write to my f/o. i love writing letters, or little anecdotes. sure, you don't get a response this way (unless you write one yourself, or get someone else to write one), but it is cathartic, i find.

speaking of getting people to write things as your f/o, there are people on etsy that that letter commissions. ive also seen people do roleplay commissions, but im not sure i personally vibe with paying someone to roleplay lol ^^'

- Wylan handles all of the money. Jesper is not allowed to touch a single cent of it. (And everytime he asks for something, he gets a little playful eye roll from Wylan and a sarcastic, “Which I assume I’m paying for?”)

- First argument they had, Wylan, on pure instinct, made himself cry on command because he thought that was the emotion Jesper wanted to see from him. To prove that he felt bad and he was sorry. Jesper had no idea the tears were fake until later on when Wylan ended up telling him and apologizing so much for it.

- Jesper is the only one who can honest to god make Wylan’s blood boil in such a short amount of time. It’s almost comical how good he is at ragebaiting the most soft spoken person on the Crows. (But then again, Wylan has anger issues, but he usually burns himself up rather than threaten to burn someone else. But damn, sometimes Jesper makes him want to suffocate him in his sleep.)

- Jesper always tries to do more than the bare minimum for Wylan because Wylan already gets so happy at the bare minimum, so Jesper makes it his mission to exceed expectation levels every day to make Wylan even more happy.

- When they’re at merchant meetings, Jesper is usually the one who will tell Wylan everything that was written down afterwards because he has a really good memory or he’ll tell him right then and there when it’s important. And it looks like he’s just draped over him, casually whispering sweet nothings into his ear. And the other members don’t know if Wylan is so distracted by Jesper’s beauty he doesn’t know that he’s reading highly confidential information or that Jesper is such an airhead that he doesn’t even realize highly classified information is in front of him.

- Bfs who shit talk EVERYONE.

- Wylan smokes. (I know, crazy. Jesper was surprised when he found out.) Jesper carries lighters for him.

- Wylan prefers black coffee, Jesper prefers honeyed tea. (Will honest to Saints add ICE CREAM to his coffee if Wylan is not there to stop him.)

- I already mentioned this but Wylan SUCKS at card games and Jesper wipes the floor with him each time they play without mercy. ANNIHILATES HIM, and only occasionally lets him win.

- Jesper has been in Wylan’s workshop so much, he has also memorized where everything is. So depending on the situation, when Wylan holds out his hand wordlessly for Jesper to hand him something — nine times out of ten, Jesper hands him what he needs.

- Wylan holds Jesper’s hand and walks in front of him when they’re crossing the street. But also instinctively gets behind Jesper when noises get too loud.

- Contrary to belief, it’s actually Jesper who fussed over Wylan the most when Wylan does something reckless in his lab. (And Wylan is not used to being fussed over at all so it’s always a weird feeling when it happens.)

- No matter how old they get, pillows forts are always a thing.

- Witty and sarcastic banter (Wylan) + more playful and teasing banter. (Jesper)

- ART AS A LOVE LANGUAGE. EXCHANGING ART AS A LOVE LANGUAGE.

- Wylan knows Jesper is much smarter than he tends to sell himself and doesn’t call him out on in public. Will, however, do it in private. Firmly.

- Both have a tendency to drag each other off to places. Jesper drags Wylan out, Wylan drags Jesper back home.

- Both know better than to underestimate each other. But they also understand and trust each other enough to feel safe with the other.

- Wylan’s biggest fear is that he’s been mimicking the kind of love that Jesper needs but he doesn’t feel himself, because he’s like his father, just hollow underneath.

- Jesper’s biggest fear is that he’s standing in the way of Wylan’s own life and once Wylan realizes that, he’ll leave.

- Did I mention anxious attachment disorder x avoidant attachment disorder?

- Trust is way more bigger to them than love. Love comes easy, love comes when you don’t expect and love can come for the wrong people. But when you trust someone, they both think that’s more intimate than just a fleeting kiss.

- Oh, SENSUAL INTIMACY MY BELOVED. Just intimacy in general. It took a long time for both of them to relearn it and what it means for their relationship.

- Let’s be serious. When they get intimate, Wylan is a dominant bottom and Jesper is a service top. HEY, I DON’T MAKE THE RULES. I JUST ENFORCE THEM.

- Wylan likes cooking (but took such a long time to learn how because he grew up with servants preparing everything and then not exactly having full meals in Ketterdam), and Jesper surprisingly likes cleaning. (Which is weird because he doesn’t keep his space clean. It’s organized chaos.) But for these two, it’s usually Jesper cooking and Wylan cleaning. Jesper is honestly AMAZING at cooking.

- Jesper loves spending time with Wylan on the farm in Novyi Zem. He loves doing the chores with him and swears that Wylan makes the chores way more fun.

- GARDENING BFS.

- I feel like I’m obligated to mention slightly possessive x slightly obsessive. (Because Wylan was someone who learned to immediately latch onto whatever good thing he had because they were so rare and Jesper, for the most part, was low-key kind of spoiled and came to find out he could usually get whatever he wanted if he tried hard enough.)

okok now hear me out

These two are almost always touching. Whether it’s Jesper playing with Wylan’s curls, Wylan playing with Jesper’s hands/jewellery, or them standing so close that their bodies make some form of contact. They’re both very sensory seeking, and they eventually figured out that the other almost always welcomes touch (and when one of them pulls away, the other doesn’t push).

Wylan loves Jesper’s hands (shut up you freak, I’m not talking about in that way). He loves the slender fingers, the callouses from growing up on a farm, and their warmth. He loves their beauty and how they reflect who Jesper is.

Similarly, Jesper loves Wylan’s freckles. He loves to count them on nights he can’t sleep, he loves the way they become more prominent as Wylan heals and grows healthier, and most of all he loves that they’re so distinctly Wylan.

Building on this^ Wylan hates how he looks like his father. Sometimes he’ll look in the mirror and only see his abuser staring back. He’s terrified of becoming like Jan, and eventually he confesses this to Jesper. Jesper then takes it upon himself to point out all the ways Wylan is completely different from his father, both physically and characteristically. The biggest difference is the freckles and Wylan’s hair. They’re very clearly from Marya’s Kaelish genes, and the first thing that anyone would reasonably notice about Wylan’s appearance.

Jesper hates tomatoes, Wylan loves them. Wylan hates olives, Jesper loves them. I don’t need to explain further

When Jesper first started joining Wylan in the lab, Wylan was an absolute worrywart and control freak because he thought Jesper was going to spill/break/blow up something. Jesper found it hilariously adorable (totally not based on the time my friend jumpstarted my car and was terrified of me killing myself)

Despite his problems with hands touching his neck, Wylan loves neck and shoulder kisses. Jesper loves to piss him off a bit by leaving little marks where they just might be visible. It’s hilarious

Wylan has freezing cold hands and feet, and will syphon warmth from Jesper without warning, usually eliciting a yelp from the latter.

Wylan loves heavy duvets, multiple blankets (including at least one that’s incredibly soft), and wears socks to sleep. Jesper sleeps with just the duvet, sticking one leg out because he gets too warm otherwise.

Wylan is Jesper’s biggest supporter in his fabrikating lessons. He is genuinely amazed at every small achievement Jesper makes, and it’s so apparent that Jesper can’t help but feel proud too

Jesper sometimes has nightmares about Wylan actually being on the boat when the Tidemakers destroyed it. He’ll watch Wylan breathing or put a hand on his chest to ground him.

Wylan had nightmares/flashbacks almost every night when he moved back into the mansion. He constantly felt on edge because his body couldn’t understand that the house was a safe place. Most of the time, he’d flee to the music room automatically because that’s where he felt safest. Jesper tried his best to help, but he could only do so much. He hated that Wylan was being hurt and it couldn’t be solved by shooting at someone or something. One day Marya casually brought up the idea of redecorating, saying that she felt the space was always too depressing (she had no clue what was going on with Wylan, she had only recently regained lucidity) and Jesper took the idea and ran with it. They made the mansion their own, and it actually did help Wylan internalise that this was no longer his father’s house

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i'm aroace and I find a lot of aro/ace posts so... unrelatable. I don't relate to aroallo/alloace posts (and these communities have my appreciation in spades, i imagine that it takes a lot of strength to assert what you do and do not want, and that it takes a lot of introspection to discover what those are in the first place!).

i have a hard time relating to aroace posts too, though. The majority of people (that i have seen, anyway) seem to unite themselves under a banner of 'i always felt wrong and weird and excluded and i would lie about it to fit in' (these people have my appreciation also- i imagine that it's very difficult to endure such a feeling) whereas I was just... wondering what the fuck was wrong with people.

of course, I am no longer eleven and my views have matured as I have. Still, it just... frustrates me. I feel like nobody sees the power and beauty of a life that never has to give way to someone else's. How do I find people who see the sheer beauty of aroaceness? I just... is there nobody else who never thought of themself as wrong?

Sorry for the rambles :( i hope that this makes sense

hi friend !!

i completely get what you are talking about, it’s so hard to find genuine community now, especially online.

I think the thing that makes it so hard is that 1) it’s rare to see people being their authentic unfiltered self unless they’ve done work and 2) no one has the same experience and there is a culture of monolithic expectation. everyone thinks they should all be the same and 3) the attempts to equate asexuality to disability.

i’m aroace, and i have experienced this from both ends. i didn’t think there was anything wrong with me for not experiencing attraction until i was told there was. growing up in an evangelical household made that very prevalent for and showed me how obsessed everyone was with sex. after moving out on my own, i started to drift back to my natural state.

there is a really interesting article on substack about the exclusion of aroaceness in queer spaces and how we have the authority to build our own spaces.

i do believe that there are aroace people who do outwardly love themselves and who never felt broken, they are just outspoken because attention is often attracted to pain.

that being said, i hope you continue to live loudly and to never believe you are anything less than amazing. take care of yourself until next time.