Dunkin Deeznuts

not to be insensitive but some of the salem witch trials were so funny bitches like “i saw her at the devils sacrament!!!” girl... what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament 👀

the Charmin bears be at brunch like im gonna drink this whole pot of coffee just so i can shit more

i would survive a horror movie

the murderer shows up to my house and im just like sir your vibes are disgusting

I’m both pro herbal medicine and pro vaccination because you can treat burns with aloe vera juice and sore throats with lavender infused honey but you can’t rid a country of polio with plants. 

THIS.

Don’t forget kids, jewelweed is a natural counteragent to poison ivy rashes but it won’t do shit against whooping cough

Mint for nausea, valerian and chamomile for sleep, antibiotics for fucking infections.

every season of stranger things steve harrington loses more brain cells and gains more children

You need.. you need to unmute…

I’ve waited too long to find this gem again!

This is perfection 😂

u know that thing where an animals grow in a far off place and some idiot introduces him to a new habitat and it turns out its characteristics that help them in their own sometimes are too helpful in the new one and they become like an invasive species yeah thats the word i was missing anyway back to my point i think i saw a human version of that just now i was driving in tonights snow storm and i saw a man wearing a big ass cowboy hat to keep the snow off him and a bandit red bandana to keep it off his face and a big ass pancho to keep him warm and nice ass cowboy boots to keep his calves dry and he was prancing along while everyone on the road looked miserable and frozen solid and idk i guess the point im trying to make here is i feel like cowboys would have taken over russia if given the chance or something

“Cowboys could be an invasive species” is an extremely hot take I wasn’t prepared for

it’s like i always say: fuck

Lightning: be like 🌩⚡️ me: 😩👏🏾👌🏾 do it bitch..hit me

*feels deeply but cannot explain*

• 10ft vertical leap

* Find your bladder with all four feet at once