local fag

Thinking about him getting me out of my kit and down to my underclothes - not with any help from him, of course, I don't think I would survive the experience of him laying his hands on me, even if it's just on my armour. Instead, he tells me to remove it, watches from his perch on the edge of his bed as I fumble with the hard-to-reach straps, the ones a squire or a fellow knight would usually take care of, but he never offers to help, and I would never ask.

Thinking about my Prince telling me to kneel once I'm done, once there's only linen between his gaze and my skin, and I do without question. I've knelt for him before, in the ceremony hall at my swearing in, but that was different. Then, I was fully kitted, the barrier of metal between my knees and the flagstones, the eyes of the entire court on us, and a different kind of anticipation singing through my blood. Now, I might as well be bare, the wooden floor mercifully cushioned by a plush rug, and there's no way of hiding my blush. Now, it's just the two of us, and the intimacy of it, coupled with the drop of his voice when he breathes the order, is almost unbearable.

The Prince leans forward to look down at me, and god, he looks good at this angle, all shadows and flickering firelight.

Thinking about him starting to ask questions, and they get more and more incriminating as he begins to enjoy the way I squirm. He asks if I like kneeling for him, and I tell him yes. He asks if it's the kneeling that's doing it for me, or if it's him, and I tell him it's him, of course it's him. He asks what happened to my pride, why I'm so willing to lay myself bare for him, even when he's clearly mocking me just a little bit, and I can't answer.

Thinking about my Prince's eyes trailing down to my lap, his eyebrow flickering up at the obvious bulge there, his teeth glinting in a smug grin as he asks what's gotten me so worked up.

It's getting harder for me to respond to his questions with anything more than an embarrassed whine, so he decides to make it easier for me, putting words in my mouth instead. You've thought about this, haven't you? This isn't the first time your cock has risen for me. In fact, I'll bet you've christened your cot in the barracks with your desire for me more times than you can count, isn't that right? And I still can't answer verbally, but I can nod, and that's good enough for him.

Then he orders me to tell him how I imagine him, late at night in the barracks, when I'm sure the other knights are asleep and I have to be so, so very careful to be quiet, but I can't possibly wait any longer for relief.

And I tell him. It's difficult at first, and I stammer and stumble over my words, so red and embarrassed and ashamed to admit the way I've thought about him, the way I've longed for him. It's almost too shameful, until he starts palming himself over his clothes, not bothering to be subtle, and tells me to keep talking when I inevitably go silent, my mouth dry at the sight of him in front of me, visibly aroused by my words.

It takes a few seconds of blinking and trying to decide whether this is another one of my dreams, before I manage to continue, telling him how I lay on my side in my bed, back to the wall and eyes on the rest of the room, watching for movement, listening for the telltales signs of any of the other knights stirring or laying awake. I tell him how I slip a hand into my braies and grasp myself, biting my lip and covering my mouth with the other hand to keep absolutely silent.

My Prince breathes a curse before reaching into his own garment. He asks me how I touch myself, whether I rut hard and fast to get it done with quickly, or if I drag it out. I swallow hard and tell him that I keep it slow, it's the only way I can guarantee my own silence, and the inadvertent teasing is a delicious price to pay for stealth.

Unlike me, however, my Prince doesn't have to worry about secrecy, and his patience appears to be wearing thin. He pushes the rich cloth down past his hips, exposing himself to me, his free hand shoving up his nightshirt to tease at his chest, his throat, and I groan at the sight before my own hand flies forward to give myself some relief.

Did I say you could touch?

I stifle a whine as I drag my hand away, gripping my wrist behind my back to keep from losing myself again.

Keep talking, sweeting. My Prince watches me with hooded eyes, his breath coming faster. Tell me how you imagine me.

I'm starting to shake with the effort of holding myself up on my knees, as well as the effort of keeping any semblance of a train of thought as I watch my Prince. I tell him how I imagine him in bed with me, squished up against me in that tiny cot, how I dream that it's his hand on me, that he has us both in his grasp, that he watches me and breathes filth in my ear as he strokes us together, that it's his mouth muffling my moans instead of my own palm. My eyes almost slip shut as I describe it, losing myself in the familiar images, before he orders me to keep my eyes on him, to watch as he strokes faster, as his movements become easier with the slick that covers his palm.

Tell me how you finish, he says abruptly, and I come back to myself enough to realize how close he is. My hands tremble behind my back, my own arousal throbbing unfulfilled in my braies, and I tell him how I turn my head to muffle my face in the bedding, breathing his name and begging him to finish me, not letting a single sound pass my lips. Beg for me, my Prince growls, his hips pushing up into his hand, his cheeks flushed and his hair disheveled as he watches me.

I beg for him, right there on his bedroom floor, the same way I imagine begging in my own bed, when I can't hold on any longer, and it's the moment that I whimper his name, not just my liege, that my Prince spills in his hand, his eyes suddenly screwed shut, biting savagely into his fist, his long moan barely muffled.

I stay kneeling as he recovers, listening to his panting and trying to match my breathing to his as it evens, hoping it might calm my excitement and finding no such luck. After a while, my Prince rights himself, standing and rearranging his clothes to cover himself again, wiping his hand carelessly on the bedsheets. He regards me for a moment, before telling me to stand again. I do, my arousal aching between my legs, still completely untouched, and my cheeks flushed as though I had been the one to climax.

let me PLEASE start with two things; the first is that I absolutely believe in RACK (risk aware consensual kink) and PRICK (personal responsibility informed consensual kink). I’m not telling anyone what they can or can’t do or can or can’t find hot, I am just discussing the oft-ignored risks and responsibilities involved. the second is: this used to be my favorite physical way to do kink. I was getting strangled to the point of losing consciousness almost every session, often multiple times a session. and then I learned the risks and decided this was a hard limit for me. all I aim to do is discuss the risks so people can make their own informed decisions around breathplay.

okay, let’s get started!

there are a few kinds of breathplay. there’s suffocation (blocking the airways, like with hands or a pillow), choking (like you do on food— something going so far back in the mouth that it blocks the airway, like with a penis or dildo), or what MOST call choking, which is actually strangulation (using something like hands to externally cut off the supply of air to the lungs by putting pressure on the neck). that “choking” kink you have is almost certainly a strangulation kink if it has anything to do with hands around your throat restricting your air supply. strangulation is mostly what I’ll be talking about here.

there is NO safe way to strangle someone. there is only least safe and closest to safe (which is still a huge risk).

strangulation gets treated like one of the most basic kinks out there. I’ve heard it called “basically vanilla”— hell, a younger, less educated me called it “basically vanilla”. it is not. it is rather extreme edgeplay. you are participating in something that is designed to harm or kill the person on the receiving end. if you do not treat it as such, you’re 10 steps behind on safety. everything you do from the moment you begin to strangle someone should be done with the knowledge that this could kill them, will harm them, and it is your responsibility to not kill them.

if you’ve had any safety education in strangulation, you’ve likely been told to avoid the front of the neck/throat. this is smart! this is good! you can easily, with a smaller amount of force than you think is necessary, crush a windpipe. this causes irreversible damage and may require an emergency tracheotomy to get them breathing again. if you are going for the front of the neck, you should be up at the jawline, as far away as possible from the windpipe or laryngeal prominence (Adam’s apple). if you’re going to go for this frontal strangulation, a few seconds at a time (watching for change in breathing, panicked/disassociated eyes, color of the face), you’re less at risk for the long term damage. less.

if you’ve heard not to go for the front, you’ve probably heard to compress the sides of the neck instead. this avoids the windpipe and trachea. it is still extremely high risk. if you’re NOT trying to induce unconsciousness (we’ll get there), you actually may be better off going for the just-below-the-jawline method (always squeezing with the in-between of your index and thumb, not squeezing with your thumbs themselves).

if you’re squeezing the sides, you’re squeezing something called the carotid arteries. these each supply about 40% of the brain with the blood it needs. when you are squeezing these, you are restricting up to 80% of the oxygenated blood your brain needs. carotids can have something called furring, or atherosclerosis. atherosclerosis is plaque buildup in the carotids. when this furring is dislodged, such as by manually squeezing the carotids, it can and does cause strokes. atherosclerosis is almost always silent (meaning you will not know you have it) unless there is a severe blockage or clot— or the furring is manually dislodged. carotid arteries also have baroreceptors, which are little sensors that detect blood pressure. when the carotids have undue pressure placed on them, it tricks these baroreceptors into thinking your blood pressure has dangerously spiked, which causes them to send out a warning signal and drop the blood pressure in all of your organs. when the blood pressure drops in all your organs, the tissue is deprived of oxygen and nutrients, which in turn can cause emergent shock, which in turn can shut down your organs, which in turn can cause permanent organ damage, coma, and death. the baroreceptors thinking your blood pressure is too high also causes your heart to pump slower. so, less oxygenated blood in the brain, drastically decreased blood pressure, drastically lowered heart rate— all of these things can cause seizure, stroke, cardiac arrest, organ damage, coma, death.

even just in restricting blood flow to the brain, you’re causing damage. the brain has very little ability to store oxygen, so when oxygenated blood isn’t getting to your brain, your brain cells start dying off. quickly. brains also don’t store fuel, and it can easily take only seconds for someone to lose consciousness.

as soon as you pass out, you can no longer consent, safeword, say HEY THIS SUCKS PLEASE STOP, nonverbally safeword, anything. all of that aside, your brain and body now think you’re dying (because, well, the person doing the thing that makes people die has now gotten your body to the point that it says, hey, we’re dying). you may have seen in strangulation porn (or in real life) the way the body can start convulsing, shaking… this is the body fighting back against dying. passing out actually isn’t primarily caused by the lack of oxygen. going unconscious is actually caused by the excess of CO2. you breathe in oxygen, you breathe out CO2 (which is toxic and cannot be safely stored by the human body). if you’re not breathing, you’re storing up that toxic CO2 to dangerous levels— which can be deadly if left untended to. most often, the body starts breathing again as soon as you pass out (as long as the strangler immediately pulls off the pressure. please, please, if your stranglee loses consciousness, stop strangling them). it doesn’t always. if this occurs, immediately get emergency medical help.

regardless of any of this, once you reach the point of unconsciousness, you have absolutely caused at least slight brain damage by reducing the oxygenated blood to your brain and increasing the amount of CO2 in the body, killing brain cells. dead brain cells do not regenerate (they can be replaced at a very low rate). this compounds every time you engage in strangulation. a good comparison is like doing whippits— you get that high because you’re depriving your brain of oxygen, and your brain cells die. the more you do whippits, the more brain cells die off. ask me how I know, lol.

aside from any of the risks to heart and brain, you can damage the throat very easily. you can fracture the hyoid, which can lead to anything from discomfort to abscesses to airway obstruction that can cause death. you can tear or cause swelling in the delicate tissues and structures that exist in the throat and neck.

my final bit of risk education here is that if you end up needing emergency medical help, the strangler can 1000% end up in immediate legal trouble. in most places, physically violent kink cannot “legally” be consented to and it is not always left up to the “victim” whether or not they want to press charges. no, the concept of a “video where the person receiving states their consent” is not acceptable in a court of law. countries that I know for sure have distinct laws around this specifically for strangulation are England and Wales. that’s not to say you’re good to go anywhere else— that’s just to say those places have SPECIFIC laws. if the stranglee ends up needing emergency medical attention for being strangled, almost anywhere is going to be a legally dangerous place to be the strangler. absolutely anywhere you are in the world, if you god forbid accidentally strangle your partner to death, you can be charged with at the very least manslaughter. at the very least.

NONE of this is to tell you what to do. it’s simply a response to the current culture and attitude of “choking [sic] is so basic”. RACK is extremely important to me and a whole lot of people are going around not actually being aware of the risks. please do what you will. please have fun doing it! but please, please understand that this is never safe and it is never simple and it is not beginner friendly.

carotid arteries

carotid artery disease (atherosclerosis and furring)

atherosclerosis and stroke

carotid baroreceptors

hypotension (blood pressure and organ failure)

cerebral hypoxia

the brain does not store oxygen

hypercapnia (excess of carbon dioxide)

low-rate brain cell replacement

hyoid fracture

strangulation second most common cause of stroke in young women

study on neurophysiological response in those that have been strangled

study that focuses on one patient who suffered a hemodynamic ischemic stroke after strangulation but considers on a whole the risk of hemodynamic stroke with strangulation

strangulation injuries

strangulation and brain injury