Dr.Robby x reader Drabble
CW: Depression, Anxiety, previous self harm, mention of scars
Note: just a reminder that you are loved and you are important. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if needed. You are not alone ❤️
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You should have seen it coming.
You were tired, so tired. Your body felt like it was a thousand pounds. Your thoughts felt like tv static as you struggled to catch even just a flicker of silence within. But this wasn’t new, this was a cycle of detachment and depression you knew intimately. One you should’ve been better at predicting by now, or at least that's what you told yourself when you inevitably fell back into that dark headspace. Laying in bed wrapped in a comforter you wished was just a bit heavier, because if you had outside pressure the inside weight didn’t feel as bad. Instead you found yourself falling deeper into your mind.
Should’ve known in the way you had a week of unrestrained motivation for accomplishing little things that have been on your to-do list for months.
Should’ve known in the way you made goals for the future, thinking you were right where you should be in life. Everything you were working towards had been right there just within your grasp.
When it became just a little harder to wake up in the mornings. Alarms that had been met with eagerness and a list of things to conquer became waking up alone with a list of things you’ll inevitably fail to complete.
It had been many years since you stopped self harming, and you had come to terms with the fact it was an urge that you’ll always battle during these times. However, some days it was harder to face the fact that those urges would never fully go away. Some of the scars had faded over time and others were perpetually raised and discolored. But each one lies as a reminder you were still here after it all. Because no, this wasn’t new.
Not in the sense of relationship, not completely, you had been together for a year and a half but your depression is unpredictable. And because he was the main source of so much happiness in your life it had been a while before the really bad cycle began once again. There was one moment, however, after a particularly bad case at the hospital you could feel your mind begin to detach. Except it didn’t take long before you began seeing the light at the end of that tunnel. Robby never once made you feel like a burden or inadequate through the times of self doubt or insecurity.
The first time you two had taken a chance at exploring intimacy, he wasn’t stupid, he was a doctor after all. So the moment he began to slide down your scrub bottoms he felt the marks. He didn’t shy away or pull the stereotypical ‘please don’t do it, for me’ that you’d heard one too many times. Instead he squeezed your hand and kissed his way down. Robby was always caring in a way that was never suffocating, but instead in a way that never made you doubt how much he loved you.
He noticed the ignored alarms and reluctance to open your eyes, because waking up meant facing something you had no energy for. So he made sure you were met with a hot cup of coffee and a kiss as a reminder he was here for you.
When he saw your list of to do’s become two pages long he began to silently step in and do a few of them. Robby showed he knew in the way that he never made you feel like you were inept or incapable of doing your responsibilities by showing off what he’d done for you. Instead you would happen to notice the laundry was done or the bathrooms were cleaned, and if you’d said something about it he would simply say ‘oh I had time’ or that ‘it was something I had planned to do before’.
And now as you lay partially suffocating under the blankets you neglected to notice the sound of the front door opening. Or the scuffle of a backpack and clothes in the front room. You were too busy losing yourself to the mindless thoughts of failure and overwhelming pressure of life.
He knew the moment he walked into a very dimly lit house and was met with silence. So he was mindful of how he entered so as to not spook and disorient you further. He softly took off his jacket as he walked in and began stripping off his scrubs the further he went. After throwing on sweatpants and an old university tee he gently lowered himself beside you. Slowly leaning over giving you a chance to tell him more or less before doing what he knew you needed.
He knew that sometimes when you were anxious or sad you sought out weight in any form. From a hand on your chest to ground you to a few extra layers of clothing, or when you felt confident enough to ask for a strong hug and hold from him. So he knew exactly why your body immediately released tension in its frame and he began leaning most of his weight over your back. Robby listened as your sigh started to hiccup into soft cries as a release began to flow through you with the added pressure stimulating your mind to function past numbness.
No words were spoken because you didn’t need them, instead strength and steadiness was what Robby gave you in this moment. A way to know that you were never alone and that he will still be here after it all. He gave you safety and care without strings that you had come to learn so many others in the past would attach. Not Robby though, never him. He never made you feel like you had to earn his love, and you never had to put aside your thoughts and emotions to make sure he was always reassured of your own love during these moments.
Because Robby knew, and you would never have to be alone again.
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