🍀. . . !

i used to be an aesthetic blog.... and then i had to crowdfund...

i guess i don't know how to express that every time ive had to genuinely sincerely rely on help for my wellbeing i get worse and start to feel like the end is nigh and i am sure to die Soon and it makes me lash out and feel angry because i get convinced the hands offering to help are sure to want to hit and hurt me too

truth be told i fully do not feel capable of anything anymore. i feel more inadvertently unflinchingly manipulative and crippled than i was at 21-23, which was a Lot

isolating further until i am on a sleeping schedule where i am asleep literally all day long and alone all night long is actually a great coping mechanism that doesn't hurt me OR others