Today is world mental health day.
I was going to dive into more about me and my goals but I guess I'll dive into me in a totally different way than I originally planned haha.
For me I suffer from mental health issues, in my early 20s I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and was placed on medications as I was also self-harming. Once I stabilized I stayed on the meds for years, until I was 11 weeks pregnant with Elijah. Thats when with the advice of my doctor at the time agreed for the best interest of the pregnancy and baby I should come off the medications. Haven't been on any since, woo!
Back to the self-harm, I don't really talk about it much, but yeah I did that. It was an escape for me, it dulled the pain I was going through. It was a release for me. It's also why I now have tattoos on my forearms, to hide the very faint scars. Actually if you look at my tattoos a certain way, you can still make out the scars. Forever a reminder.
Fast forwards a bit, and about a year before I met my husband I lost my dad too suicide. It was and is still devastating to me. I was angry, I understood but I didnt. I was mad that he decided to leave me, that he decided to leave us. It took a lot in me to finally let that anger go and forgive him. BUT I was strong and with some work and focus I decided to pick myself up and not fall into old habits, and I didn't!
Afterwards I had my son in 2017, I swear to God I had postpartum everything but my doctor refused to diagnose me and said it was just my bipolar, but deep down inside I knew it wasn't. His reasoning was well you don't want to hurt your baby and you don't want to kill yourself so you're fine.. Im like are you shitting me? My dad killed himself, I know what it feels like to have your parent decide to end their life and not be in yours from it, why would I do that to my son?! Anyways I distracted myself and honestly between 2017 and now we've had ALOT happen that I haven't had time to be depressed or anything.
Now that I've had my daughter professionals up here are recognizing that I have postpartum mental health issues and I'm actually receiving help this time, which feels so much better then with my son. Honestly my mental health after her has been beyond worse than me son. The rage, the anger, the anxiety, the depression, it fucking sucks. Yet I'm here, I'm getting help, I'm working on myself to be not just the best person or wife I can be but to be the best mom I can be. I'm showing my kids, it's ok to not be ok, it's ok to ask for help. It's ok to be a work in progress!
Feel free to visit https://ontario.cmha.ca/document-category/mental-health-info/ for any information needed
if you or someone you know is in a crisis and needs someone to talk to, call 1-833-456-4566
