Essence Undefined

I die a little Next to you Yield the way I never wanted to Love is a scam The patriarchal obsession Why look for a man When your friends love you more? What is the obsession With possession? Why don't men have support structures too? I need an equal A partner Not a dependent I can't fix you and stay me too Devotion is earned Don't expect it from labels Your candy sweet ideal Wraps me to suffocation I'm not made of sugar I need to breathe and live Strong woman You say you want Use your family as examples But wife me Is what you're trying to do You want to be good They guy who fits Into the check boxes Feminism lauds But you can say what you want Your actions are telling Your heart is pure But motivation weak. Don't bring me down So you can feel worthy Don't cut away my ladders To success and confidence Don't shoot blindly To fuel your discontent Don't grasp at straws Of jealousy fueled flaws. There's space in my life For someone who builds me Space in my life to build him up too But lately I'm feeling Pretty one-sided Here, take your oar. I'm not rowing for two.

It seems like forever But just yesterday We talked and we laughed We danced and we grinned Eventually, they say, we sinned. Your smile was cathartic, Your understanding was welcome. Looking back on that man How did we get this? A well of potential. U=h*g on the top of a mountain. Two pieces we fit. Talking for hours Recklessly slipping through moments. Struggling to find Place for you in my life, But bubbly, humbly, Terrified in wonder, Making room for your whispers Your goals your desires. But how did it change? When did our paths diverge? Shackled together, we tugged and tugged And endless tug of war, Yellow ribbon constantly weaving. Up and over hills, Through snow both ways Buried in Avalanche, Gasping for air. Bobbing up and down In a chaotic scramble. Swimming desperately For an island, pretending the life raft was a cruise. And now. Emotion stormed out. The eye or the aftermath? FEMA arrived but they're clueless (again) Looking around, I'm struggling, Constantly. With hammer and nails, Rebuilding my ladder Up to the place I once stood When I met you. But where do you stand? Are you building too? A solo journey, but can you pack my bag? When I see the sun, At the end of the tunnel, Will there be a silhouette? Or just warm, dry land?

Aren’t you tired, Of being mired In your guilt You hide it But things have Transpired Nobody’s Blaming you For things you Didn’t do All that they’re saying Is what you’re Oblivious to. Listen with ears Instead of with fears, Listen like years Are made up of tears Cause somebody’s plight Ain’t a reason to fight Don’t get defensive To fight the defenseless Cause nobody wins When everyone sins Peacefully protesting Even in grotesque scenes Even one life Is a reason for strife Yet all we can do Is say hey me too It's not about us Let me say what I must Cause I can't keep quiet No, not In this climate It's violent Profiling We're smiling We're rioting Compliant Defiant And crying In private No, I can't keep silent While people are Dying

I’m terrified of moving too fast Of saying hello And becoming the past How do you keep Something shiny and new I’m not bored now But will I be? You’re complex and simple Comfort and terror. A world which I want And one I rejected. You’re perfect In every way Except superficial. Though I’m not mad I wonder Is that crucial? At every turn, right As if calculated. A stunning façade If it’s not your nature. But still I sit On a precipice of doubt And wonder Just wonder If I need a way out.

to take you in.

My heart is just a love lock bridge, Full of locks with stories. Every time I flirt with strangers, Another lock goes on. The problem is, This love lock bridge, Is heavy with their burden. In order to get to anything real You must unlock them all.

Acid drips from your friendship Your mouth spits hollow sounds, Fingers flick carelessly across Programmed keys, Forming facades and fairy tales Of tenuous substance. Confidently, you color outside the lines, Feeling edgy but appearing messy. Selfishly, no thought required, You act out of drunken impulse; Lost in a world of ethanol without sustenance. More, more, more, you spiral, Your pack of hyenas gazing on with glee, Never thinking to care Or dare to say you’ve gone too far. Over and over you wake, tying up fuzzy ends with scattered electronic bread crumbs Until suddenly you’ve gone too far. A permanent marker X On that page you loved And a new note scribbled deliberately On the mildewed page in your tinder pile The wildfires start, bridges up in flames And you in the middle Only realizing when it’s too late You don’t have enough water for them all.

The world stopped turning How is everything fine? The world has lost Such a perfect mind.

I can only hope I helped you. (As much as you Helped Me)

The best things in life Might be free Monetarily, But rarely are they Ever free Emotionally.

Neither one of us Got the other At our best But you Still might be The best thing That ever happened to me.

Him

and dismiss it as a fantastic dream

Neurons weave new paths, And suddenly I can’t remember your face. The road to that time We talked about art In a museum where we didn’t speak the language Suddenly ends Before it begins, Detour: Left for calculus Right for tequila The orange cones yell Caution! Memory unstable And suddenly I reach for you. Across an abyss where there used to be a bridge I strain my fingers Hopelessly Grasping for the feeling The vision, the experience. But the jackhammers are gone, The work is done, That road no longer leads to our past. My dura DOT has decided I’m better without you.

You are my pumpkin Spice latte, the white girl in Me falls hard for you

You used to be a knife in my mind. The slightest hint of you cut my thoughts With a blissful pain, I couldn’t breathe. But it's tarnished now, Used too often too fast too long ago. Once the butcher, now the butter; Dull.