I'll take your confetti away

RB if you think CD drives in computers are not obsolete, but in fact still necessary, despite being artificially phased out

i just read somone make a comparison of kaz brekker and regulus black and how kaz was calling jordie when he was at sea and they said that regulus was probably calling sirius' name while he was drowning and i was just NOT prepared for that conversation

‘you look so tired’ i know babe, it’s because i’ve spent all night reading silly little fanfics of dead wizards from the 70s and wishing i existed in the same universe instead of sleeping.

You order a package off Amazon. When the Amazon delivery guy shows up to your door, instead of giving you the package you bought, he beats the shit out of you. Then, when he sees that you are not dead yet, he calls all of the Amazon delivery people in the area and they all proceed to beat the shit out of you. Miraculously, you survive. Another miracle: a friend in your neighborhood caught the assault on video. After a month of recovery and extensive hospital bills that you have no idea what to do with, the video has gone viral. You read the comments below. “This is what happens to people who fuck with Amazon!!!” Someone says. “I’ve never been beaten up by Amazon employees, and I’ve been using them all my life!” Someone else comments. Later, you start to see articles popping up about your story. They all mention that when you were 17, your license was revoked for reckless driving. In a Facebook post on your mom’s feed, someone is going on a rant about how not all Amazon delivery guys are bad, and that if you look really close, the “bad” ones are just stressed out. Your name is trending on Twitter. Jeff Bezos films a response to your attack, denouncing the video of you getting beaten to within an inch of your life by his employees as becoming “a symbol of hate towards Amazon.” The people who attacked you still deliver packages around your neighborhood. You saw one of them just yesterday as you were watering your plants. You still can’t pay your hospital bills. Your phone dings- Twitter again. “Maybe if you didn’t order from Amazon,” someone pipes up, “this wouldn’t have happened!”

this my girl pegging me for the first time after i told her i never had anything in my hole before and we getting into it hot and heavy but then she hear me moan “marcus” whos her brother who i met 2 years ago in my last year of college and had a secret night of passionate love making with on the night before graduation but we both agreed to never talk about it again because marcus decided he was straight and never wanted to talk to me again so i started dating his sister because i needed to be close to him again and because my hole hasnt been the same before since that night and i need him inside of me again

Reported

The gays were in middle school goin thru it

What the fuck who drinks that

it’s such a perfectly bonkers order because like, most unusual orders are maximalist and sugary but this one just combines the most basic drink with the most incongruous little add-on. it’s the order of a simple, regular man who has something wrong with him

this post always makes me laugh. this guy has the weirdest drink order and he probably never goes to this dunkin’ if it took seven months for the barista to see him again. so think about a coffee shop you go to so little you’re not even sure if you’ve gone there before and you walk in and the barista hands you the drink you were about to order before you even ordered it. he will remember that for the rest of his life

please be quiet… i’m trying to manifest a truckload of money into my bank account so that i can retire and never have to read an email again

I’ve not seen the “Cocktober” copypasta yet are the hoes okay?

nobody getting dicked down this year its illegal

i miss in elementary when youd sit on the floor in front of a girl and shed ask to braid your hair .. nothing is more gentle than that

broken tornado siren

official anthem of 2020

I’ve heard this before, but I still take psychic damage every time I hear it

Not to double reblog, but this would be an interesting application to nuclear semiotics. If this sound could be preserved and serve as a proximity alarm for places that aren’t meant to be disturbed, how well would that work?

I mean I absolutely wouldn’t go near any weird structures just blaring this.

This song slaps

broken tornado siren

official anthem of 2020

I’ve heard this before, but I still take psychic damage every time I hear it

Not to double reblog, but this would be an interesting application to nuclear semiotics. If this sound could be preserved and serve as a proximity alarm for places that aren’t meant to be disturbed, how well would that work?

I mean I absolutely wouldn’t go near any weird structures just blaring this.

This song slaps

Parents be like "you know you can talk to me about anything right?" and then make it extremely clear it will go very poorly if you talk to them about specific things