little lost soul

[ids in alt text]

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better go back up my lj.....

We’ve known for a decade that we needed to back up LJ or lose it.

That’s an excellent question, and I have no idea.

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Geralt

Yennefer

Jaskier

Lambert

Vesemir

Eskel

Ciri

I used to work for a call center and I was doing a political survey and I called this number that was randomly generated for me and the way our system worked was voice-activated so when the other person said hello you’d get connected to them, so I just launch right into my “Harvard University and NPR blah blah blah” thing and then there’s this long pause and I think the person’s hung up even though I didn’t hear a click

And then I hear “you shouldn’t be able to call this number.”

So I apologize and go into the preset spiel about because we aren’t selling anything, etc. etc. and the answer I get is

“No, I know that. What I mean is that it should be impossible for you to call this number, and I need to know how you got it.”

I explain that it’s randomly generated and I’m very sorry for bothering him, and go to hang up. And before I can click terminate, I hear:

“Ma’am, this is a matter of national security.”

I accidentally called the director of the FBI.

There was no MS Dos involved. Instead, there was a proprietary type-based OS and an actually-uses-transistors refrigerator-sized computer with switches I had to trip at certain times during the night as I watched the data flow from six pm to six AM on Fridays and weekends. If things got stuck, I reset the server. 

The company handled everything from low-end data (hotel and car reservations) to flight plans and tower information. I was weighed every time I came in to make sure it was me. Areas of the building had retina scanners on doors. 

During training. they took us through all the procedures. Including the procedures for the red phone. There was, literally, a red phone on the shelf above my desk. “This is a holdover from the cold war.” They said. “It isn’t going to come up, but here’s the deal. In case of nuclear war or other nation-wide disaster, the phone will ring. Pick up the phone, state your name and station, and await instructions. Do whatever you are told.”

So my third night there, it’s around 2am and there’s a ringing sound. 

I look up, slowly. The Red phone is ringing.

So I reach out, I pick up the phone. I give my name and station number. And I hear every station head in the building do the exact same. One after another, voices giving names and numbers. Then silence for the space of two breaths. Silence broken by…

“Uh… Is Shantavia there?”

It turns out that every toll free, 1-900 or priority number has a corresponding local number that it routs to at its actual destination. Some poor teenage girl was trying to dial a friend of hers, mixed up the numbers, and got the atomic attack alert line for a major air-travel corporation’s command center in the mid-west United States.

There’s another pause, and the guys over in the main data room are cracking up. The overnight site head is saying “I think you have the wrong number, ma’am.” and I’m standing there having faced the specter of nuclear annihilation before I was old enough to legally drink.

Seriously, this is legit.

In December 1955, Sears decided to run a Santa hotline.  Here’s the ad they posted.

Only problem is, they misprinted the number.  And the number they printed?  It went straight through to fucking NORAD.  This was in the middle of the Cold War, when early warning radar was the only thing keeping nuclear annihilation at bay.  NORAD was the front line.

And it wasn’t just any number at NORAD.  Oh no no no.

Terri remembers her dad had two phones on his desk, including a red one. “Only a four-star general at the Pentagon and my dad had the number,” she says.

“This was the ‘50s, this was the Cold War, and he would have been the first one to know if there was an attack on the United States,” Rick says.

The red phone rang one day in December 1955, and Shoup answered it, Pam says. “And then there was a small voice that just asked, ‘Is this Santa Claus?’ ”

His children remember Shoup as straight-laced and disciplined, and he was annoyed and upset by the call and thought it was a joke — but then, Terri says, the little voice started crying.

“And Dad realized that it wasn’t a joke,” her sister says. “So he talked to him, ho-ho-ho’d and asked if he had been a good boy and, ‘May I talk to your mother?’ And the mother got on and said, ‘You haven’t seen the paper yet? There’s a phone number to call Santa. It’s in the Sears ad.’ Dad looked it up, and there it was, his red phone number. And they had children calling one after another, so he put a couple of airmen on the phones to act like Santa Claus.”

“It got to be a big joke at the command center. You know, ‘The old man’s really flipped his lid this time. We’re answering Santa calls,’ ” Terri says.

And then, it got better.

“The airmen had this big glass board with the United States on it and Canada, and when airplanes would come in they would track them,” Pam says.

“And Christmas Eve of 1955, when Dad walked in, there was a drawing of a sleigh with eight reindeer coming over the North Pole,” Rick says.

“Dad said, ‘What is that?’ They say, ‘Colonel, we’re sorry. We were just making a joke. Do you want us to take that down?’ Dad looked at it for a while, and next thing you know, Dad had called the radio station and had said, ‘This is the commander at the Combat Alert Center, and we have an unidentified flying object. Why, it looks like a sleigh.’ Well, the radio stations would call him like every hour and say, ‘Where’s Santa now?’ ” Terri says.

For real.

“And later in life he got letters from all over the world, people saying, ‘Thank you, Colonel,’ for having, you know, this sense of humor. And in his 90s, he would carry those letters around with him in a briefcase that had a lock on it like it was top-secret information,” she says. “You know, he was an important guy, but this is the thing he’s known for.”

“Yeah,” Rick [his son] says, “it’s probably the thing he was proudest of, too.”

So yeah.  I think that might be the best wrong number of all time.

This is a work of beautiful defiance.

the normalization of jealousy as an indicator of love

the idea that a sufficiently intense love is enough to overcome any practical incompatibilities

the idea that you should meet your partner’s every need, and if you don’t, you’re either inadequate or they’re too needy

the idea that a sufficiently intense love should cause you to cease to be attracted to anyone else

the idea that commitment is synonymous with exclusivity

the idea that marriage and children are the only valid teleological justifications for being committed to a relationship

the idea that your insecurities are always your partner’s responsibility to tip-toe around and never your responsibility to work on

the idea that your value to a partner is directly proportional to the amount of time and energy they spend on you, and it is in zero-sum competition with everything else they value in life

for fellow austins and the rest of texas

fuck ERCOT

Don’t use a gas oven to heat your home or run your car in the garage

Carbon monoxide kills you so quick. Please all do not do this.

Hi, my name is Nina and I grew up in the snow belt. If you have concerns this may happen again this winter (spoiler: you should), please make an emergency kit BEFORE you need it! Here is what you want for it:

—one flashlight per person in your household, and a pack of batteries per each.

—a battery-operated radio and a pack of batteries for it.

—one gallon of water per person, per day that you expect to need a survival kit. I recommend a five to seven day estimate.

—non-perishable food that doesn’t have to be cooked. Have a seven-day supply on hand. If you want to get fancy, you can keep MREs. If not, I strongly recommend making sure beef jerky is part of your kit—it’s high-protein and contains fat, which will help keep you from feeling all gross and empty-stomached all the time. If you have time to get to the store AND ONLY THEN (the storm is two days out, say), pick up some bread, or make some at home. Power outages are temporary, but PB&J is eternal. If you want to bake like crazy while you have time, go for it. Leftover box pancakes can survive room temperature. Muffins can survive room temperature. Cooking any meat that’s already thawed in your fridge will extend its life and give you a decent meal going into the dark.

—AT LEAST one power brick per cell phone in your home. At the first sign of “oh shit there’s a storm coming,” charge these. Remember they will not hold a charge indefinitely, so you need to be ready to charge them when trouble strikes.

—get some NATURAL FIBER blankets. Cotton, wool, and hemp. The reason: things like microfiber are soft and cozy but are made of plastic and will make you sweat, and that means lost body heat. Natural fiber will let your body breathe. Use your polyester and microfiber to cover windows and stuff gaps under doors.

—NO CANDLES!!!!!!! I don’t care if you like them!!! I don’t care if you saw a thing about flowerpot heaters!!! They are fire hazards and if you fall asleep with one burning in a room full of fabric you are taking your life in your hands!!!

—chemical-activated hand and foot warmers. You can get these at a sporting goods store or online. They work like glow sticks, you snap them or crush them and they get warm.

—if applicable, menstrual products.

—ibuprofen, acetaminophen, and a first-aid kit.

—when you’re aware a storm is coming, charge your power bricks and phones, and begin to prep as the person above me said. You may also wish to fill your sinks and bathtubs with water. Make sure you keep a variety of clothes in the room you plan to inhabit, because it is not heavy, sweat-trapping hoodies you want, but LAYERS. An undershirt under a tee shirt under a sweater under a jacket will keep you warmer than a coat indoors.

—A hair dryer. This is actually for after the power comes back when you need to get outside, because there’s every possibility your doors and windows will be iced shut. A hair dryer will allow you to melt ice without being a fire hazard. Remember if you’re doing this that you only need ONE EGRESS POINT. Eventually your hair dryer will stress out and break if you try to unfreeze everything. Let it take breaks every ten minutes or so, and when you do get your door open (all you need is to unfreeze its edges, fuck the rest), use caution getting outside because there will very likely be a pile of ice under your door. It’s actually best to lay a rug over this and slide out on your butt, then stand when you hit solid ground or snow.

Okay. We’ve covered physical survival. Now let’s cover MENTAL survival, because the lack of natural light you’re about to deal with, plus the stress of the situation in general, is going to take a toll. You want:

—at least two board games, preferably three. If this is a game you’re new to, make sure you have instructions. My family had a no-Scrabble rule for Reasons, so remember you want something you’ll all ENJOY and not try to murder each other over.

—a pack of cards. If you don’t know many multiplayer card games, look up some instructions. Rummy is a good one that you can teach to children and that takes a decent amount of time.

—as many books as you think you’ll want, but at least one per person.

—if you’re a religious person, don’t forget things like your holy book, prayer rug, altar accoutrements, etc. You won’t be able to use fire, but having these items to focus on and ground you will be helpful (and let’s be real, forgetting them can be stressful). If you’re Muslim, I strongly recommend identifying the direction of Mecca from the room you’ll be staying in BEFORE the storm hits, and mark it on the wall. Once the sunlight is gone you may find it difficult to orient yourself on the basis of cardinal directions or normal landmarks.

—you want a decent amount of what my family called “camping games.” Mad Libs, crosswords, sudoku, guessing games, stuff like that. Don’t forget pens and pencils.

—take a little chocolate or candy. Don’t gorge yourself on it, but, you know. Things look shitty, have some comfort. It genuinely helps.

—if you have a creative hobby, grab it when you go to ground. I think I’d go crazy with no phone and no crochet, but if I’ve got one or the other I’m golden.

—make a five-minute phone call every day you can get signal. Yes, you want to preserve battery, but you also want to preserve yourself. Check in with a neighbor, family member, friend, or clergy member. Keep the call brief (you don’t want to overload the infrastructure), but orienting. Confirm the date with the person. Make sure they’re following best practices. CONFIRM YOU WILL CALL AGAIN TOMORROW. Blizzards and extreme cold snaps are deeply isolating. Keep your community. If your emergency radio says otherwise, however, follow instructions.

- minimum 3 layers is recommended if you don’t have heat.

- layers should be tightest to baggiest going OUTWARD from your body. So first layer should be leggings, undershirts, those long-sleeved workout shirts, dress socks, etc.

- second can be something like a long-sleeved tshirt, sweat pants, tube socks

- third layer should be baggy hoodie or sweater, pajama pants (thermal or fuzzy recommended) and thick fuzzy socks

- socks are super important. If you don’t have the fuzzy kind wear multiples of regular socks. Anything to keep your feet warm.

- hat and gloves if you have them.

- it’s important that you’re layers are all comfortable and easy to move in. absolutely NO DENIM. it’s constrictive and won’t keep you warm.