Asexual-Society: You're Valid!!

It's day 7, and there have now been over 20,000 responses to the Gender Census!

Screenshot via Alejandra Caraballo @esqueer.net on bluesky

Tldr Amnesty International, global human rights organisation, published a report called 'A growing threat: the anti-rights movement in the UK'. In it is detailed, amongst others, a whole bunch of transphobic groups and organisations, including Beira's Place, JK Rowling's trans exclusionary sexual violence support service. JK Rowling threw a shit fit and got Amnesty to take the report down by threatening libel. This was obviously not enough, because you can't appease a fascist, so now she's going to bankroll a bunch of lawsuits anyway through the JK Rowling Women's Fund.*

You can read an archived version of the report here, please save it and share it.

[ survey.gendercensus.com ]

The 13th annual international gender census, collecting information about the language we use to refer to ourselves and each other, is now open until 13th August 2026.

It’s short and easy, for most participants it takes 5 minutes or less.

After the survey is closed I’ll process the results and publish a spreadsheet of the data and a report summarising the main findings. Then anyone can use them for academic or business purposes, self-advocacy, tracking the popularity of language over time, and just feeling like we’re part of a huge and diverse community.

If you think you might have friends and followers who’d be interested, please do reblog this blog post, and share the survey URL by email or at AFK social groups or on other social networks. Every share is extremely helpful!

Survey URL: https://survey.gendercensus.com

The survey is open to anyone anywhere who speaks English and feels that the gender binary doesn’t fully describe their experience of themselves and their gender(s) or lack thereof.

Thank you so much!

If you think depicting a character as a sex-averse asexual inherently infantilizes them, that’s aphobic.

If you think depicting a character as a nonpartnering asexual inherently infantilizes them, that’s aphobic.

If you think depicting a character as a black-stripe asexual inherently infantilizes them, that’s aphobic.

If you think depicting a character who is any of those types of asexual inherently makes them inhuman, robotic, heartless, evil, monstrous, or a bad stereotype, that’s aphobic.

If you think depicting a character as sex-favorable means they can’t be asexual, that’s aphobic.

If you think depicting a character as partnering means they can’t be asexual, that’s aphobic,

If you think depicting a character as someone who has had or enjoyed sex means they can’t be asexual, that’s aphobic.

If you think depicting a character as someone who has experienced or does experience a little bit of sexual attraction means they can’t be asexual, that’s aphobic.

If you think depicting a character as a romance-repulsed aromantic inherently infantilizes them, that’s aphobic.

If you think depicting a character as a romance-averse aromantic inherently infantilizes them, that’s aphobic.

If you think depicting a character as a nonpartnering aromantic inherently infantilizes them, that’s aphobic.

If you think depicting a character as a green-stripe aromantic inherently infantilizes them, that’s aphobic.

If you think depicting a character who is any of those types of aromantic inherently makes them inhuman, robotic, heartless, evil, monstrous, or a bad stereotype, that’s aphobic.

If you think depicting a character as romance-favorable means they can’t be aromantic, that’s aphobic.

If you think depicting a character as partnering means they can’t be aromantic, that’s aphobic.

If you think depicting a character as someone who has had or enjoyed a romantic relationship means they can’t be aromantic, that’s aphobic.

If you think depicting a character as someone who has experienced or does experience a little bit of romantic attraction means they can’t be aromantic, that’s aphobic.

I’d been interning with her as an artist/executive assistant for some time. To put a long story short she’d developed a tremor that kept her from doing a certain amount of studio work, so in between sending emails and invoices for her I’d chip in and help with line art or drafting on longer projects. A lot of it was the two of us sitting in her basement studio, doing our own thing, waiting for the phone to ring. We got to talking a lot. I’d just moved across the country and was still finding my footing.

There was a handyman she had over occasionally — he was a personal friend who enjoyed her company more than she enjoyed his. She didn’t dislike him by any means, but he definitely had feelings for her that she didn’t reciprocate. One day, after he’d come over to repair something-or-other and left, she and I started talking about relationships.

She asked if I had a boyfriend. I told her I wasn’t interested in being in a relationship with anyone and that I’d never had a desire to be in a relationship. Admittedly, I was bracing for the “You’ll meet the right person someday” response. I knew it generally came from a place of care, but it never changed how much I dreaded to hear it. I really respected my mentor and I was prepared to nod along to whatever response she gave me. Instead of anything I expected her to say, she just kind of nodded and said, “Me neither. I think I’m — what’s the term — asexual?”

I was ecstatic. I told her I was asexual, too. I saw her sigh in relief, the same way I did. I couldn’t believe it.

We didn’t get much work done that day, we just started talking about our experiences. She’d been married once when she was younger and even during that period of her life her disinterest in a sexual relationship didn’t change. She had a roommate after graduating college who confessed to having feelings for her and she had to tell her “It’s not that I don’t like girls, it’s that I don’t like anybody.” The roommate harbored enough bitterness over this that they had to split ways. Her mother told her that she would quote “rather have a gay daughter than a daughter who didn’t fancy anyone at all” unquote.

I didn’t have nearly as many experiences as she did, but I was able to share my own for the first time. I shared how it was easier to say I was taking time to work on myself than to say I had no interest in being in a relationship. We talked about the words “You’ll meet the right person someday” and “You’ll know when you’re in love” and “Don’t worry, one day you’ll meet some guy that changes everything.” As if something was broken.

“I’ve been alive for sixty five years,” my mentor told me, “and I’ve never felt like I was missing something, even if everybody told me I was.”

Currently, my mentor lives with her parrot, her cats, and her backyard-wildlife pals in a house that she owns. She makes art and hosts community art groups and volunteers at care homes and is the most self-fulfilled woman I’ve ever met. And she loves her life. She loves the people she knows and they love her, too. If I could be half as cool as she is when I grow up, I think that’d be pretty amazing.

Today, 25 February, in 1971, New York newspaper The Village Voice published an article, titled Asexuals Have Problems Too. The article satirised earlier debates in the paper, which had argued over whether straight or gay people had things harder, positing that being asexual in a sex-obsessed world was the hardest of all. You can read the whole thing here.

Although the article was not intended to be taken seriously, it resonated with readers – some wrote in thanking the author for increasing the visibility of asexuality, others wrote in solidarity, hoping to learn more about how to support the ace community.

For my ace buddies and fellow demis.