*Today Not Tomorrow*

I wish every ad that takes you to app store or any site as soon as your finger accidentally touches it a very. bankrupt and die

the classic roll onto side and sleep for two more hours trick - ill try it now!

i wake up and ten thousand years have passed. i dreamt of watching a light rain fall onto a stormy sea. theres nothing left of anything.

RULE NO. 1 OF WOUND CARE: ignore itttt :33

DO NOT

RULE NO. 2 OF WOUND CARE: go swimming!! in a pond or especially a public pool :)

WHO TF ARE YOU?!?!?!

Im thinking we should do this more for no reason

have never understood the brand of adhd advice that’s like “you don’t have to do it all at once you can do a little bit of a task over time!” like you want me to come up with task initiation energy more than once for the SAME task? no thank you #allornothing

Yes, that is my circus, and, yes, those are my monkeys, but I am not on shift yet.

“I don’t do math because I’m gay” “the gays can’t do math” “If I explain math on tumblr I’ll lose my gay card” all of you apologize to Alan Turing right now 

The “+” in LGBTQ+ is for math.

It’s literally been years since anyone added something slightly clever or original to this post, so I would like to congratulate you and maybe even bestow some kind of award. I don’t have anything to give you though

It was simple addition, really.

i hate it when customers get mad about policy and go “well i’ve always thought it worked differently” like ok. when i was a kid i thought the drains in sinks and bathtubs lead to Hell and i would pour things down them for the dead people. it turns out that you can think things that aren’t true

the intended reading of this joke is that the doctor is being called a clown, but I also like people's alternate readings in the notes where a) the patient's partner is a clown, figuratively or literally, or b) the patient is hallucinating a clown everywhere they go

okay too many of you also thought the patient was having some kind of regular clown therapy appointments, so I am hereby revising the original joke. the punchline is now "but doctor, I'm seeing a clown right now and you're not helping." ambiguity resolved please go about your day

there are now people in the notes saying "oh I thought it was a reference to that Pagliacci joke"? goddamn of course it is motherfuck– look. this is an inversion of the Pagliacci joke that correctly places the fault for the patient's continued illness on the substandard care they have received from their medical provider rather than on their own failure to achieve health through a positive attitude. I am never telling another joke again

I love it when posts argue alone and you KNOW things are happening in the background, but can learn from them while staying blissfully unaware of the Drama