âYouâve gotta get comfortable with cooking that first scoop of batter to make your first shitty pancake . . . Or else you risk never getting to enjoy a whole stack of your best pancakes.â
When I first drafted this copy, I originally wrote, âa whole stack of perfect pancakes.â
Even though I am working intentionally to honor the idea that, âwriting is not editing, and editing is not writing,â as soon as I typed out those words, I immediately deleted them in order to prepare to write something that felt more aligned.
Iâve been doing a lot of inner work to release my perfectionism. My Sun and Moon are both in Leo, and my Ascendant is in Virgo. If you know anything about astrology and analyzing birth charts, then Iâm sure you can appreciate that these placements can be a recipe for quite a spicy internal struggle. If you donât know much astrology, suffice it to say that these placements can bring out one anotherâs bitterest flavors when not properly integrated. As such, I have been doing a lot of shadow work around this. I digress, though, because thatâs a whole different conversation. The point here is that I thought I had gotten a handle on my perfectionism. Until I realized that I had only re-labeled it as âoptimization.â
Itâs a lot easier said than done to truly get comfortable with the reality that youâre probably going to have to face at least one shitty pancake before you get to the good ones. I do have to commend myself, though, for the growth that it took in order to get to a place where I could at least try to be okay with not being âperfect.â And yet, I also have to acknowledge that, although I was able to be a little more self-compassionate, I was still stifling myself with this need to be âoptimal.â I realized that even though I had changed the word I was using, I hadnât actually changed how I was treating myself.
I was still getting stuck in analysis paralysis. I was still procrastinating on things that I wanted to start and/or finish. Why was I still frozen? I didnât self-identify as a perfectionist anymore. How was I still self-sabotaging? Because, as it turned out, me waiting until the âoptimalâ moment, or until the plan of action felt âoptimized,â was effectively me still stalling for perfection.
I can hear people on all sides of the perfection vs. optimization argument. And Iâve been on different sides of the argument myself. You might be thinking that the nuances between these two concepts are too subtle or just semantic, so the words can and should be used interchangeably. I no longer subscribe to that. I donât think that serves anyone. These two concepts are fundamentally different, so when used with intention, they have the power to convey very different messages.
When I switched my language from âperfectâ to âoptimal,â I thought I was practicing temperance and offering myself grace. And if I would have been using that word as intentionally as I do now, that would have been the case. However, it wasnât until I finally listened to what was still coming up for me, and acknowledged how I was indeed still holding myself to unrealistic standards, that I was able to tap into what optimization really means. And what self-compassion and authenticity truly feel like.
I was already making the effort to ban the word âperfectâ from my vocabulary. Even in the context of something as innocuous as these metaphorical pancakes. Now, not only am I being even more intentional about not using that word, I am using âoptimizeâ and âoptimalâ with the utmost intentionality, and in a way that feels so much more aligned and supportive. Because there really is a massive difference between desiring to do something to the best of your ability, and desiring to do something perfectly.
Perfection is flawlessness. Optimization, on the other hand, is making the best or most of something.
As a soul who has been sewn up into a meat sack, i.e., a human being, I have to acknowledge that no human is perfect. No human is without flaws. I mean, even the most carefully crafted and well-planned systems and constructs are not flawless, so how could we ever reasonably expect flawlessness out of these meat sacks? What I am endeavoring to expect from myself is simply my âbestâ and/or my âmost.â And honoring the fact that those words are superlative adjectives, which means that they compare three or more things on a spectrum.
I simply canât continue to operate in an all-or-nothing, 0% or 100%, âimmaculately perfectâââorâââflawed failureâ dichotomy. In fact, that type of thinking is actually a cognitive distortion, which is an irrational thought that negatively warps how reality is perceived. Reality is not black or white, but is a spectrum with many shade variations between the two extremes. I do not think it is irrational to expect the best out of myself. Especially when I honor the fact that, because âgood, better, best,â is a spectrum, we have to hold space for the idea that our best can and will look different depending on the context. And thatâs good enough. Thatâs authenticity. Thatâs reality.
I could go on here about how authenticity is much more valuable than flawlessness, but for now I want to get us back to the topic of pancakes, and the concept of the âfirst pancake.â
When youâre preparing a stack of pancakes, that first pancake will undoubtedly not be your best pancake. Even if itâs not âthat bad,â itâs still not âthe best.â Why? Because it wasnât prepared in the most optimal conditions. But you canât know that until you take the first step, i.e., cook that first scoop of batter. Once you make that first pancake, and you get a sense of what youâre working with, then you can make the necessary adjustments for optimization. You can turn your heat up or down. You can add a little more butter or oil to your pan, or wipe some of it up. You can add a little more liquid or flour to your batter. You can pace yourself better and wait a little bit longer before you flip.
I mean, the only thing weâre trying to do here is make pancakes, and yet hereâs all these little factors that can be adjusted to affect the outcome. How do you know what adjustments to make in order to create your most optimal conditions? How do you know what your best is going to look like under these conditions? Well, you kind of just have to start, donât you? You canât know anything about how that bowl full of batter is going to come out if you donât cook that first scoop. You wonât ever get to sit down with a plate of your best pancakes if you donât make that first pancake.
Why is normalizing this so important? Because it can be applied to anything in life. You donât know what you donât know. You can make assumptions and educated guesses, but you donât actually know anything until you start. Perfectionism often stops you from even starting.
The fear that someone is going to see that first not-so-great pancake and judge you for it keeps you from making any pancakes at all. You go the whole rest of your life without ever enjoying your best pancakes because youâre too afraid of what might happen with that one imperfect pancake. Even though you know that first pancake has to be made. Even though you know that first pancake might not even turn out that bad. Even though you know that even if that first pancake is super shitty, you still have the opportunity to troubleshoot and try again.
Seriously, replace âpancakeâ with literally anything, and this concept still tracks. All you have to do is give yourself the grace to start. You have to meet yourself where you are, or youâll end up never going anywhere else. You have to have the self-compassion to allow yourself to make mistakes and corrections, or youâll never learn and grow. You canât let perfectionism keep you stuck. You canât let perfectionism stifle your authentic self-expression. You canât let perfectionism stop you from doing your best.
Thatâs why I called this âThe Pancake Post.â Itâs my first post. I donât know how it will turn out, but I do know that I canât possibly write my best post without writing my first post. Just like you canât make your best pancake without making your first pancake.Is there a plate of pancakes youâve been meaning to make? If so, I invite you to heat up your griddle and give it a go. When you do, Iâd love for you to connect with me to share how your first pancake turns out! And please remember, even if that first pancake isnât flawless, it doesnât mean youâre not a good cook. It means youâre a human being who is showing up and doing their best. And that is enough. You are enough. đĽđđđâ¨đŤđĽđđđâ¨đŤ
