in regards to your pinned post, i am sorry that happened to you. all of it. the court case. etc, etc.. the world truly does not care about women or POC until it’s convenient for them. i am thankful that thru that though you are acknowledging the good, the bad and the growth. i am going through like 10 different situations and they have all been the hands of my demise, which sucks and is shitty that i’m not even the culprit of my downfall but I will say I have thought the same like I’m thankful for everything I’ve learned through it and the knowledge because I will never take for granted how knowledge wants to show up in my life. proud of u for what it’s worth. thank you for being vulnerable and helping others. - from a stranger w/ love. 💖
Thank you for this, you’re so right!!! That entire experience was traumatic. I went to court feeling confident and left confused, frustrated and victimized. I didn’t get a chance to tell the jury or judge how it impacted my wellbeing and life altogether.
I was in school back then. It happened in 2023. I had decided to enroll in a program after graduating from my original program for leisure. It was an intensive program that I initially was excited about. I wanted to actually enjoy my classes, learn new skills and explore my creativity. The incident happened 3 weeks into that program.
I couldn’t cope with what had happened to me. I couldn’t even tell my parents at first, it was literally that bad. I knew who r*ped me. He texted me the next day as if nothing happened. I gave him many chances to apologize and make things right, but he ghosted me.
The person I met him through was a close friend of mine. She was shocked when I first told her because she was asleep in another room when it happened. After I told her what happened, she was vocal about getting justice, but after talking to her boyfriend (who is friends with this guy) about it, she told me they both don’t want to get involved and that it was my battle to take on.
That was the moment I realized that girls who are extremely vocal and preach about being a “girl’s girl” are not girl’s girls.
I felt alone and unsupported. I was ashamed of myself for a while and constantly blamed myself for what happened. I kept repeating to myself that if I had kept that former friend as just ‘someone I went to school with’, none of it would’ve happened… [and that’s why I’m so against people that say “doing it for the plot”, it got me in a ton of f*cked up incidents and situations.] I didn’t get a kit done. I didn’t visit a clinic or the hospital because of previous experiences I had of people not taking me or my pain seriously.
I’ve been going to counseling and it’s helped a ton.
I’ve decided to come forward to announce this because I know there are other women out there that have been through the same (or a worse) situation. This happened almost 3 years ago. I waited 2.5 years to face him in Supreme Court just for it to get dismissed. My lawyer reassured me that he had his sh*t together before we stepped into that room, and the funny thing is, he didn’t.
My lawyer allowed the defense lawyer to talk to me senseless without yelling objection. I told the truth, but the defense lawyer made it seem like they were lies. I found an inconsistency in the defense lawyer’s testimony. He shrugged and continued to talk about how my story was inconsistent. The defense lawyer brought up allegations that harmed the jury’s perception of me/my character.
His lawyer made it seem like I was a “young promiscuous black woman just looking to take advantage of men financially”, when that wasn’t who I was at the time at all. He stated I “lied” about what happened was because I didn’t want to get in trouble for coming home at 5am. I was turning 24 that year, my parents gave me a reasonable amount of freedom to go out and do what I wanted.
I found him on Hinge while waiting to take him to court [you’d think or at least have enough common sense to think that I’m going to court so I should keep a low profile]. Unfortunately, I couldn’t mention that or anything he had told me that gives 🚩🚩🚩 in court.
I gave this man multiple chances because I met him organically through a friend at the time. If I had met this guy on a dating app, he could’ve been cut a long time ago. I wouldn’t have even swiped on him because he’s not my type. I gave him numerous chances beacuse of that — he wasn’t my type!! But potential had me thinking what if and making excuses for his behaviour.
The only reason I am being so vulnerable is because I want women to know they are not alone. SA and r*pe happens too often and it gets overlooked by everyone, including women. Some women will speak negatively or shame other women simply because they think that it can’t or won’t happen to them. But it can happen at any time, anywhere.
This is why I try my best to think positively and be grateful for every single thing, outcome, etc. The way this all unfolded, I have reason to believe that he’s done this to other women before. He literally told me that something happened with his ex and the men in her life got involved and told him to stay away… after he told me that I thought what did he do that made her brother, uncles and dad threatened him and warned him to stay away? I ended up finding out the hard way! But maybe, it wasn’t meant to rule in my favour because something even worse is headed his way.
I know that he’ll get his karma eventually, and if not him, his potential children or someone in his bloodline.
I refuse to allow this weak excuse of a person and incident to make me a bitter person regardless. I have so much love to share and there are people that haven’t experienced that yet.
I really appreciate you sharing and also allowing me to be vulnerable. I really hope and pray that your situation gets better.
Just know that no matter how hard it gets, you’re not alone! ❤️
