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americans are sooo desensitized to guns and sometimes it manifests in ways that affect your media literacy. like remember in the first episode of sherlock when john watson opens up his drawer and you see a gun in there and youre supposed to understand that this is narratively significant and conveys his suicidality as well as his willingness to skirt rules and laws but the first time i watched it i was like oh well theres his desk gun. lots of people have those
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Frodo who starts calling Bilbo his uncle but starts calling Thorin his dad after they take him in.
Bilbo had encouraged Frodo to call Bilbo his uncle, it made more sense than cousin or something else more specific. He never wanted to replace Frodo's parents, so something like dad was out of the question.
However, Frodo was young enough that he didn't fully grasp the idea that the typical hobbit family unit consisted of only two parents.
Thorin came into his life and never told Frodo what to call him. But Thorin did everything his other dad did. Told him to clean up before dinner, scolded him when he was bad, comforted him when he cried. Read him his favorite books so he could fall asleep. Ruffled his hair affectionately. Let Frodo pick his cookies first from the tray as soon as it came from the oven. Crouched down and gave him his full attention when Frodo had a cool bug to show him. Taught him words in Khudzul, which Thorin said was only between them and Bilbo, because they were family.
They were family! His mom and dad were gone, but that could be okay because he had his second dad, and his uncle! Besides, Frodo looked just like Thorin. Uncle Bilbo said so all the time. So it all clicked, made sense to little Frodo.
So it was only a matter of time before Thorin was tucking the faunt into bed and pressing a kiss to his hair, and Frodo sleepily yawned, "Goodnight, papa."
Thorin, of course, remained entirely calm. He blew out the light at Frodo's bedside, said goodnight in return, and quietly let the door latch shut behind him.
Bilbo, in their own bed, was reclined with a book in his hand. He paused when Thorin entered, scanning him over his spectacles. "You look like you've seen a ghost. Are you alright, dear?"
"Frodo called me his papa. On his own."
Carefully, Bilbo set his book aside. "And... how does that make you feel?"
Thorin instantly starts blubbering, his big heart unable to bear it.
cultural misunderstandings fic idea/headcanons/word dump for bagginshield bc they have consumed my brain
!!!cw for swearing!!!
I find it HILARIOUS when no one else is down bad for Bilbo like Thorin is. combine that with cultural misunderstandings and you have the perfect rom com
and its not like Bilbo is some dwarven beauty who is handsome by hobbit standards but gorgeous by dwarf standards. itās just that, while the rest of the company see Bilbo as just Some Guy, not particularly outstanding in the looks department but definitely not unattractive eitherāThorin is simply built different
for some reason Thorin sees Bilbo, with his honey colored hair and his upturned nose and his fiery attitude, and promptly loses his grip on reality.
Thatās right: Thorin āIāll be single for the rest of my life, I already have heirsā Oakenshieldās ability to feel romantic attraction suddenly kicks into gear after 195 years of lying dormant because this is the most beautiful creature heās ever laid eyes on
And applying this to the scene where they first meet is hilarious because what do you MEAN Thorin was already clocking Bilbo as a threat to his quest because of his very apparent beauty
forget about canon, Thorin actually didnāt like Bilbo at first because he thought the super duper attractive boyfriend shaped creature popping up out of nowhere was just another case of his horrible Durin bad luck acting up again. like okay Gandalf what kind of game are you playing at, inviting this clearly soft and incredibly fair hobbit along on our dangerous quest. we canāt afford distractions right now
like imagine theyāre a few months into the quest. Bilbo is sitting on a rock, combing his hair out in the sunlight, already having taken off his coat and vest because itās hot as hell outside. heās left in his cotton undershirt, which is partially see through because of a combination of light and sweat
none of the other dwarves give a shit, theyāre perfectly used to nudity and bathing near others, and Bilbo is by far the most modest and self-conscious of them when it comes to showing skin
But of course, from Thorinās pov itās like watching a beautiful forest nymph bathe in the river. mythical creature meant to seduce you type beat
in his eyes Bilbo is bathing in the glow of the sunset, combing through strands of molten gold while exposing a scandalous amount of skin (cough his collarbone cough). AND Thorin can see the tan of his skin through his shirt. and he immediately thinks that this has to be the work of purposeful seduction. Bilbo wants to ensnare a dwarf for a husband by the end of the journey and heās being painfully obvious about it. how dare he do this in front of people that arenāt Thorin
which is consequently why Thorin is hiding behind a rock as he watches, trying to make sure no one else is seeing what heās seeing and scaring off anyone that comes close with a well timed glare. and heās also trying not to come off as a creep because heās been staring for a bit too long, and the last thing he wants is to scare Bilbo off
but then Bilbo starts humming a jaunty little tune and braiding his hair, as itās gotten long over the course of the journey and heās picked up some useful things from the company when it comes to grooming.
Thorin thinks he might actually pass out because Bilbo looks like he just popped out of a dwarven wet dream, singing and looking all shiny n shit
by the end of the night, Thorinās sitting there with his head in his hands thinking āI must destroy him and his majestic allure. or make him my wife. I canāt believe those are my ONLY two optionsā
and would you believe it, their dynamic continues like that for the whole journey.
Dwalin and Balin are the first ones to pick up on Thorinās plight, being his best and oldest friendsābut they both have very, very different reactions to it.
Balin doesnāt indulge Thorin because he knows that Bilbo is a hobbit, and a very sheltered one at that. he realizes that their burglar most likely isnāt aware of the inherent intimacy of touching a dwarfās hair, or braiding, or anything Bilbo has offered to do during their quest. in fact, heās absolutely sure that absolutely none of the courting rituals Bilbo has performed were intentional, and were in fact blindly stumbled into.
Dwalin, however, is totally supportive of Thorinās bullshit because Dwalin is the exact opposite of his brother when it comes to subtlety, and he is also physically unable to consider any conceptual alternative to whatever is plainly happening in front of him. he trusts his eyes and his eyes are telling him that Bilbo Baggins is a skilled temptress with designs on his king
Thorin, being delusional: Dwalin Iām being seduced and I think Iām losing
Dwalin, an enabler: Iāve never seen such blatant, shameless flirting in my life. brother he REALLY wants you
Thorin: FUCKING RIGHT?
Balin, staring in confusion because Bilbo literally just took a moment to pluck some leaves out of Thorinās hair: No????
Balin triesāhe really triesāto nudge Thorin in the right direction, to get his king to realize that Bilbo, in fact, is not doing all these borderline courting rituals on purpose. then again, he is an old dwarf and the whole situation is extremely entertaining, and heās always had a mischievous streak in him. which turns him into yet another enablerāand at the end of the day, he doesnāt correct Thorin on his assumptions. sometimes he actively tries to make them worse, just for the hell of it, because if anyone deserves to have a little fun messing around with Thorin Oakenshield itās Balin
Balin, teasing: ohohoho, wasnāt it nice of Bilbo to help Bofur rinse the dirt out of his clothes?
Thorin, clearly devastated: this is unacceptable
Thorin: he is doing it on purpose to invoke my jealously. I am ashamed to say it has worked
Balin:ā¦.
Thorin: he is a s i r e n
Balin:ā¦ā¦.
Thorin: and Iām about to jump into the ocean
and thatās how it is until they reach Erebor. Thorin is constantly like āHmm yes. Bilbo is a temptation, another obstacle meant to stray me from the path I must takeā and everybody else is like what the actual FUCK are you talking about. are we seeing the same person. all of this melodramatic resistance to temptation happens in Thorinās mind, and only because he canāt admit that he has a crush like a normal person.
Thorin canāt stop acting like a sailor lost at sea, doomed to be devoured by the beautiful creature he covets, and after a few months of watching that every day the entire company is just. completely done
and of course bad boy bachelor Bilbo Baggins, resident single handsome rich man in the Shire, notices the staring. obviously he asks Thorin what his problem is and Thorin panics and mutters something about Bilbo āusing his looks to his advantageā and stalks off in a huff. Bilbo is very surprised to learn heās that attractive by dwarf standards. because he doesnāt know that heās not and that Thorin is just a special case. fuck secretive dwarves customs am I right?
the absolute worst part of this situation is that Bilbo is actually flirting and has been trying to seduce Thorin for months, but specifically by hobbit standards. all of his efforts have absolutely no effect because what hobbits consider courting is just normal, friendly dwarf behavior. Itās the stuff he doesnāt mean to do that drives Thorin up the wall.
Balin, however, being the member of the company with more than one brain cell, is the only one who sees this. and heās very tired
Balin: Bilbo. Are you flirting with Thorin
Bilbo, flushing: well, I did feed him a strawberry from my plate today. I hope he doesnāt mind me being so forwardā¦.
Meanwhile, Dwalin and Thorin talking at the other side of the camp:
Thorin: Our burglar offered to wash my hair earlier this morning. Iāve never been pursued like this in all my life.
Dwalin: >:0ā¦ā¦oh so he WANTS YOU wants you
Thorin: THATS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT
anyways Iām going insane with ideas for these two. š please
(ALSO if anyone writes a fic/makes art for this. TAG ME. RIGHT NEOW)
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