you should put your seat belt on

actually i’ve done a lot of work on myself since we last spoke and i wanted to tell you to go fuck yourself and that i hope you die

You say something really weird to the headless horseman and in response he just stares at you fully maintaining eye contact as he grabs a second pumpkin out of one of his saddlebags and carves a confused/mildly offended face onto it and then replaces the first pumpkin head that's been staring at you the whole time with it

top 10 sex positions that will leave naught but ash in your wake

Maybe if I just work harder, this empty cup will pour again

Maybe the cup needs a bit of time to rest and refill?

Maybe the cup needs to lock the fuck in???

My toxic trait is that no matter what I need three hours to myself at the end of the day to do absolutely nothing.

words cannot describe how much i love showering. my wet contemplative box

earlier this year 2 boys got expelled from my school for going on a teachers email and sending another teacher an email that says “you’re a disgusting little man” and i laugh about it all the time because imagine opening an email from your coworker and thinking it’s important and then it says that

I want to be heard (doesn’t speak) I want to be understood (doesn’t explain) I want to be seen (acts like if a missing person was right in front of everybody)

I’m soooooo embarrassed. My lord told me “good night,” but I thought he was calling me a good knight, and, well, you could hear it clink against my codpiece.

we have to stop moralizing the human condition and start jerking each other off while making out