Hi

My small mineral-enriched daughter

aaaaaAaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

The teenager at my job is so funny, she jokingly asked how my break was after I came back from the bathroom and after I said "can't a bitch change their pad in peace?" She said "a real nine to fiver would get a hysterectomy." There was no hesitation, no gap between what I said and what she said

Omg the way he sneaks up and nobody noticed then turn around and go AH!

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed

This is legit and people don’t realize it.

“hey what are you doing?” “nothing”  “oh great! so you are avaliab-” “no you don’t understand. I’m doing nothing.” 

I’m doing nothing. Actively. It’s important.

Talk about getting two birds stoned at once lol

typical gay couple

This is actually so helpful because as an American living in late stage capitalism where most people have zero health coverage except for the emergency room, the tire purpose of the ER has lost all meaning on most people.

squid game is so blatant about its theme of the rich abusing the poor but pretending the poor willingly chose their demise and yet twitter brain geniuses are still posting the absolute dumbest takes

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