grown up stuart little

What possessed someone to make this lmfao

John Oliver trying to communicate through my dreams to warn me about the oncoming apocalypse.

UH OH SISTERS!

whos granny smith where shes getting all of these damb apples.

eeach day i learn some more ! :) thank you for the share

Attention all customers: our store will be closing in five minutes. If you are present in the store after closing you will be hunted for sport.

apparently my boss who is a professor at my school doesn’t have a cell phone and his coworkers were upset by this so they bought him a childs toy phone and labeled it “David’s jitterbug” (for those of you that don’t know jitterbugs are phones made for old people that have like massive buttons and shit) so the other day I walked into his office to ask him a question and he pressed a button on it which made it start loudly playing the ABCs and he said “excuse me I have to take this” and then started singing along to the ABCs while shooing me out of his office

OKAY THIS IS THE BEST ONE YET

Bitch just thwarted a ghost possession by judging his accents

My boyfriend would be gettin’ hit with the baseball bat beside our bed if he ever woke up and said, “What is he normally?” about himself.

Then you would NOT have liked the time he pointed to a corner of our room while he was sleeping and said “they share a dimension with Earth and they take cats to eat them”.

I absolutely do not like that.

I love people who talk in their sleep.