Or Wood he...?

but he also tells a joke/story every 10 minutes and there's a really horrible laugh track every time he does

Phoenix Wright: Pikachu is sad because he has to teach two Physics courses back to back. It’s tiring. Also he has to drive a minivan.

Miles Edgeworth: All of you are here because you aren't failures like the others.

Maya Fey: I’m gonna do some stuff here. You ready for some stuff?

Mia Fey: We should just... go out in the courtyard and throw stuff to find Earth’s escape velocity.

Larry Butz: I don’t know English, I don’t speak it. I speak Canadian.

Lotta Hart: I’m just wearing a weird metal hat, pointing a hairdryer at my class.

Detective Gumshoe: What if cavities don’t actually exist and it only depends on the dentist you go to?

Judge: Here’s some calculus. It’s not really scary. Oh my God... OH MY GOD!!!

Ema Skye: In the case of a water landing, your calculator can be used as a floatation device.

Manfred von Karma: *start of the second semester* Nobody failed, Goddammit.

Franziska von Karma: So if you got this question wrong, stop getting it wrong.

Maggey Byrde: I’m just here when you come in all like... “Hey guys, you wanna do Physics?”

Pearl Fey: I didn’t finish writing your test, I only finished drawing the pictures.

Godot: Archimedes is dead.

Dahlia Hawthorne: The "m" in the equation dies. Tragic accident. Wait, it wasn't an accident because I wanted him dead.

Phoenix and Maya: going HOG WILD on the classic Disney back catalog and all the best duets of the 80s.

Phoenix can actually sing quite well; he’s not going to have a side gig as a rock star but he was definitely good enough to be an actual singer at the Borscht Bowl Club instead of a shitty pianist if he’d wanted to

(he perhaps did not want to do something he actually cared about for money at that point in his life)

Maya cannot sing for SHIT but by God she’s not going to let that stop her

they do a great “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” and take turns with who takes which role (Meg or the Muses) on “(I Won’t Say) I’m In Love”

they also do “Friends on the Other Side” because they think they’re funny

only in the first half of the evening, though, otherwise they end up kind of weepy drunk about it

If Miles is there: Phoenix will, at some point near the end of the evening, break out an incredibly sappy dad rock ballad. absolutely everyone can tell what’s going on, he’s not even trying to be subtle about it.

like, we’re talking “Faithfully” by Journey and “Just the Way You Are” by Billy Joel levels of sappy

I find it hard to picture a karaoke bar in Japanifornia having “Long Time Running” by the Tragically Hip in its repertoire but if I remember that this is a goofy tumblr post and there are no gods or kings, he would absolutely do that too, and if he did, Miles would break sufficiently to kiss him in front of all of their employees

Miles does actually come to karaoke a lot but he absolutely does not sing, he’s just here to be an appreciative audience.

on exactly one occasion, he’s been successfully dragged up to the mic. it took the combined forces of

Maya Fey

the absence of anyone who works for him

the Steel Samurai theme song

the extremely incorrect assumption that a Long Island Iced Tea is to a regular iced tea as Irish coffee is to regular coffee

incidental PSA: It Is Not

the resulting video is an heirloom of the Fey clan and one of Phoenix Wright’s most precious possessions

the house:

Peepaw needs glasses 🤓🤓

Don't even think of saying something 🥸🥸