"They're trying to tell you that the guy got his face smashed into the hovercraft, that's what they're trying to tell you."
"I would rather have my brain scooped out with a melon-baller than to miss the opportunity to deliver the various cheese snacks to my beloved _____."
"We are here to make coffee metal. We will make everything metal. Blacker than the blackest black times infinity."
"This is, I believes, called food libraries."
"It's called a grocery store, ya douchebags! I'm sorry about douchebags. I got... got low blood sugar."
"Alright, here's the deal: we have to do our own shopping so we can make our own dinner like regular jack-offs do. Now you're all in charge of putting together one dish. AND DON'T JUST BUY BOOZE! That ain't food!"
"What do you mean, "booze ain't food?" I'd rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that!"
"You'd rather chop off your ding-dong than not drink?"
"2 cups of rice." [pours rice into measuring cup, then through the shopping cart] "Brutal."
"Okay hold on now, so you're telling me that you put these little guys in boiling water and they shrink, and they turn red, and they die? That is the most metal thing I ever heard in my whole life. High five!"
"Guess what, you are a GMILF. That is a grandmother that I would like to -"
"Lemme guess - not "heavy" enough, not "tuned low" enough, not "brutal" enough?"
"Oh, right. That dude that you headbutted? The guy was a Danish Prince. Can you believe that?"
"Friends, we're... we're not used to the whole apologizing thing. We're not professional apologizers. We're... musicians. So, we wrote a song for you, a new national anthem. We took the lyrics straight from your Finnish folklore book of necronomic spells."
"Oh, I hate Finland. I need a hundred beers. I need a hundred beers. Exactly... exactly one hundred. Thank you."
"Hey I ain't no therapist, but I hate your mustache."
"I realize I don't even know the name of my father. I'm proud. I proud to know that I don't know that."
"It's a nice night for riding around in a cube!"
"Black out more. So you don't have to remember. The life. That you haaave... There."
"All right, all right, popscockles we cans haves."
I have a dad! I fucking love my dad!"
"There isn't anything I wouldn't do to hang with Mickey Mouse!"
"We got you your favorite thing! Disappointment!"
"Yeah, but we such screw-ups that he would be sewn back together wrong."
"Can you please give me the laser pointer? It does not belong to you."
"My video was banned from music television, cause you could see my junk... through my jumpsuit."
"Hey Dogface, why don't you go and... eat some dog food, and eat your own throw-up, 'cause you're a dog... face."
"That's what families is, peoples you hates."
Hey, did you know that Norway has the lowest murder rate in the whole world? The lowest in the world?
Wait a minute, you mean that the murder rate in Canada is higher than Norway? Oh my god this place is lame! Lame place!
The fact that my parents had sex in order to create me makes me want to be buried alive.
"I'd rather die than go to heaven."
"Well, uh, I will tell you this, that's a good problem to have. That's a problem you want to have. It's a good one."
“How do you value your what you contribute of to at the workforce and second part, at which can you most can’t the least?"
“Bleach is mostly water, and we’re mostly water. Therefore, we are bleach.”
"Candy, tastes like chicken if chicken was a candy."
"I smell burning plastic. You do know.. that burning plastic isn't a snack right? You do know?"
"Yeah it's scream activated lighting. You walk into a room 'wheres my keys?' AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!! There they are!"
“Use your fancy degrees assholes!”
"You mean astronaut camp is a lie? I’ve been telling everyone you’re going to be an astronaut! Now you’re making me look like an asshole!"
"What're those wooden things... chairs?"
“We’ll give you half……OF NOTHING!"
“Hey! Who peed my pants!” “I think you might be the culprit in this particular… mystery” “How the hell could I pee my pants when I’m standing right here!?”
"What's that burning smell? Did I leaves the lunchables in the microwaves again?"
"No, we're not-that's not even a repsonse to what I was saying. We're arguing two different things here."
"Don't say die SAY HAMBURGER TIME! Please say hamburger time when speaking to us."