Less Than Matt

gen z: *blurry stock photo of lemons with the caption “lemn”*

yup.

I laughed so hard at this

my little brother came into my room last night to tell me that he was gonna sew a stack of my mom’s saltine crackers together through the little holes and then left again

i ended up distracting my parents so he could put the crackers back in the little sleeve like hed only taken one from the top. i dont know if anybodys found them yet but i talked to him about it later and it turns out that theyre sewn together TIGHTLY. like. the ENTIRE stack through ALL the holes

it has been three days and my mom has still not discovered the sewed together cracker stack in the box in the cupboard

I’m DESPERATE to see the sewn crackers

there seems to be some confusion on how old my little brother is. my little brother is 19, one year younger than me, and is majoring in three separate subjects in uni. he just likes to cause problems on purpose

yeah but they're not native. they're mutated because of the bombs. so really it would be a mutant biologist

I want to be a white dad in a horror movie

Currently moving my brunette wife and our dejected children into an abandoned ghost factory for a fresh start

Honey, don't worry about our daughter's new habit of standing in front of the security camera in her playroom and murmuring about bones every night. That's probably just something women do

Why shouldn't our son play in the pitch black sub-basement that was walled shut with bricks until I started renovations? He's a growing boy

Finally caving to my wife's irrational fear and typing "ghosts?" into the Google search bar

spongebob is a gay twink and he’d let larry the lobster smash him

spongebob is a gay twink and he’d let larry the lobster smash him Haiku Bot v2021.1~beta I make mistakes. I am buggy too. Sorry! | HAIKU BOT NO! Paypal | Patreon

have you watched The Golden Girls??

More gays on staff

its a good show