I haven't slept in Centuries @elaboratingisfortheweak - Tumblr Blog

amygdalae

kind of hate my stupid caustic pussy for dissolving my underwear over time but it's kind of cool, like, scientifically

destinationtoast

dying at this sequence from @pinkydragon01 :

halfbloodfanboy

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sadomarxist

ruckuscauser

amberautumnfaebrooke

has anyone noticed recently that it's expensive

sociallyawkwardrevolution

times like these really make you appreciate pouring river water in your socks

thevastnessof

it’s actually quite easy to take over a small local government group if you really want to, bc if you volunteer consistently people will just put you in charge of whatever. I’m now one of like three people at a nature preserve making official decisions about trails, putting in a prairie, and designing a series of illustrations for a storybook trail etc., and it’s just because last summer I started coming over once a week to help the naturalist out for a couple hours. Mine now. you too can steal an organization and shape it to your will 🫵

homunculus-argument

There's this one specific interaction on reddit that I wouldn't call "infamous" but I also know that everyone who knows it knows it by the punchline, so in order to not ruin it for the ones who haven't, I'm just going to talk all of you through it as I'm saying this.

The beauty of it is that you could place that exact same dialogue into any time and place in human history and it would make just as much sense, you could have it as a conversation between sailors in a 1600s ship, a group of bronze-age warriors cleaning their weapons, stone age hunters walking home from a hunt, or a bunch of 21st century redditors on the internet, and it would hit just as splendidly.

There was this conversation about if you could have sex with any specific person from any time through human history, which one would you choose? Famous legendary lovers were brought up, queens, emperors and such were popular, might as well fuck Rasputin just to see what the hype was all about, the kind of answers one would expect.

Then some guy said he would choose his own late wife. He went on to talk about how brutal it is, that you might find the love of your life, but there's no promise that this life couldn't be suddenly cut short. That his body aches for hers and how there isn't much he wouldn't do for one more opportunity to make love to her one last time.

Now, I'd like you to imagine a pause in the conversation. A solemn, contemplative moment of silence, with several of the people present nodding in agreement that this is indeed the finest answer - it wasn't a competition, but there's no doing better than that.

And then someone breaks this solemn silence and says:

"I also choose this guy's dead wife."

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drawing-prompt-s

Draw an unconventional witch’s familiar.

blobs-away

@bovineblogger

bovineblogger

i. i need to commission someone . now.

lethesbeastie

@bovineblogger

A witch and her ✨️African Forest Buffalo familiars✨️ be upon ye

bovineblogger

wh…WHAT!!!! WHAAATTTT!!!!!! HOLY SHIT !!!??????

phantomrose96

You know I gotta learn shitpost brevity. Most of my successful posts are like 3 paragraph essays, minimum. Fucking dissertations. Terrible note-to-word ratio. Inefficient. In this economy? In this economy? Unsustainable. Everyone else posting "blowing my balls up at the bomb factory" and getting 50,000 notes. Amazing ROI. They're the future and I'm on dial-up. The market's gonna out-compete me.

lemonlegs4

valtsv

me: BRING OUT THE DEATH RAY!!!

*my henchmen wheel a large glass tank containing a tiny stingray into the room*

valtsv

captive hero: aww!

me: QUIET! this is the deadliest ray known to man. one milli milli milligram of poison from its sting is enough to stop a grown man's heart in under a minute! and he answers only to me! behold your DOOM!

stingray: *nudges my hand*

me, getting down on my knees in front of the tank so i can look him in the eyes: Mortimer, please. i'm trying to be intimidating here.

valtsv

you will

whencartoonsruletheworld

hearing anything about the nolan odyssey is so funny. it's like "they cut the extremely important and infamous nobody scene" "the cyclops is a giant puppet that they put in an actual historical cave + gave circe animatronics for her pig transformation instead of cgi" "they dumped plastic skeletons in an environmentally protected location they were not supposed to be in" "they recreated ancient greek instruments in order to have an accurate score" "all of odysseus's agency is basically gone" "anne hathaway actually learned how to weave ancient looms" "the women in this movie are treated like shit" "they actually buried actors alive to get those underworld shots" "did you see what the fuck zendaya was fucking wearing holy shit you can't DO THAT, MA'AM" "what do you mean there was a legitimate epic the musical reference" "NOT A SINGLE FUCKING GREEK WAS CAST IN THIS MOVIE"

like did nolan have two guys standing at his side at all times whispering ideas in his ear and one told the truth and the other told lies and they didnt tell him which was which until they wrapped production cause

inbabylontheywept

my favorite comprehensible math fact is that 1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8 + 1/16 + 1/32... all the way on, forever, equals exactly 2. and i love it because it sounds totally mystical and then you see the proof for it and its just like a little drawing that makes you go, oh, right, duh. like all you need is a square that you have decided has an area of 2, and then you just start coloring in.

inbabylontheywept

i see what you're referring to, but that "never get that final block in place" thing is what infinity is for. the infinity is kind of for the moment when you do the final thing in a never ending pattern. its the last number. there is no last number. its there. you can see it. you cannot get there. but what if you did? then you'd be at two. you are at two. you measure the corners of your house. its a little bigger on the inside than the out. hm.

uh oh.

inbabylontheywept

we dont talk about the ramanujan sum in this house. that is an incomprehensible math fact and the way that it repeatedly pops up in high level physics is proof that there is something wrong with our high level physics, or something wrong with the idea of addition itself. it scares me. genuinely.

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pseudomantis

is-the-owl-video-cute-deactivat

a squirrel or perhaps a cardinal posted this

phaeton-flier

How about you mind your own damn business

messsssmer

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

fireknightqueelign

thy mother

messsssmer

Art thou for fucking real

1eos

rockergiirl

damn your pussy fat and long and hard and outside

jester-operation

I habe some bad news

rockergiirl

BOTH TOWERS?

rodent-detector

Today I share with you bronze rats from the Meiji period.

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corviiids

was talking to a coworker and realised i could not for the life of me remember his name but i was too embarrassed to ask because we've spoken multiple times so mid-conversation i started concocting a plan to nudge the conversation towards the ID photos on our building passes so that i could be like oh my ID photo is awful haha the camera they use to take these has a real talent for making me look as unphotogenic as possible and then he would say oh yes me too haha everyone says that (because they do) and then i would be able to say well let me see yours it can't be as bad as mine! and he would show me his ID because we are coworkers and why wouldn't he and this would allow me to see his building pass which of course would have his name on it and then i would be able to say well yours is perfectly nice it must be me that's the problem! and then we would have a polite chuckle about it and i would have his name without needing to ask for it and he would be none the wiser and all would be well but then before i could execute this fine plan a little voice in my head went "so this is some light yagami bull shit you are about to pull" which was such a violent reality check it shocked me completely out of my embarrassment and i went "hey im so sorry your name has slipped my mind could you remind me" and he did and it was fine.

lastoneout

"This is some Light Yagami bull shit you are about to pull" <- Littany against avoiding small embarrassing/awkward moments that don't matter with over the top ass mind games.

glowwormcentral-deactivated2021

[lawyer voice] mothers and fuckers of the jury-

hellenhighwater

DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN I THINK ABOUT THIS POST??? IM IN LAW SCHOOL THIS POST IS GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE

toontwink

reblog to ruin a law student’s life

theshitpostcalligrapher

oh hello you’ve returned to us

hellenhighwater

Hi. I’m a trial attorney now and every last one of you is a motherfucker.

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