"it would be so good if it was good" will haunt you but "it's extremely good, except for the one or two parts which are so bad it's genuinely kind of insulting" will straight up drive you insane
Claire Keane
NASA
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
trying on a metaphor
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@elaboratingisfortheweak
"it would be so good if it was good" will haunt you but "it's extremely good, except for the one or two parts which are so bad it's genuinely kind of insulting" will straight up drive you insane

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i need to get off tumblr i’m at the aquarium admiring the fish and my brain goes “posts that make you want to get in the water” what are you talking about. these are live fish in the room with you. what post.
It's make a terrible comic day.
@elaboratingisfortheweak you coded I fear
not sure WHO I am in this one but I'll take it
when we started talking about getting a small-breed dog I was like, "I will NEVER turn into one of those people who treats their little dog like a doll or an accessory by forcing them to dress up in ridiculous outfits. Dogs HATE that. They should get to be DOGS, and that means not having to wear anything but a HARNESS and being FREE to ROLL in the MUD." and then I adopted a dog who throws a fit if you try to take him for a walk without letting him pick out a bow tie first. a dog who loves wearing pajamas so much that I'm about to spend a disgusting amount of money on several sets of linen ones for summer. a dog who watches me wave at him to follow me through a mud puddle and just stands there blinking up at me like, "are you fucking serious? and get my paws wet?"
me: I will raise him no differently than the two 80-lb labs I had growing up. absolutely no hoity-toity frou frou little yapyap dog stuff. he's gonna be a good ol' fashioned, rough-and-tumble, capital D-O-G—
—never mind. the boy yearns to be ensweatered
to celebrate the popularity of this post, I ordered him another set of the linen jammies in yellow. now he looks like paddington bear
the etsy seller threw in a little miniature hermes silk scarf as a freebie and I dare you to tell me he doesn't know how handsome he looks in it. whenever we take it off of him he broods like he's a wealthy victorian orphan child in desperate need of a seaside holiday to restore his delicate aristocratic constitution
its important to me that all y'all know that mannertee has an arch nemesis
his name is Ikanzame and he's a shark with bad driving etiquette!!
ikanzame!!! your people of virginia desire you carnally!!!!

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i'm like a fujoshi but for dead people
if you could see the thread i'm hanging on by you would not say these things to me
https://twitter.com/birdtickler/status/1552657242909904897?s=21&t=q4JEDIALmV-cAjcoEOypdw
ok so I looked it up, and it turns out they made a track out of PVC pipes, down a hill. The owner didn't realise PVC expanded in the heat, so on a turn the track just fell apart and the dude inside went over a fucking free way and into a swamp.
The funniest part is that the inspector was watching the whole time, and once the ball stopped he left without saying anything. Park management just shut it down then and there.
"The ball cleared a small hill, briefly going airborne, then zipped right across Route 94, the two-lane road splitting the park. Cars honked and slammed on their brakes. If there had been opposing traffic, Frank would have become part of a real-life game of Pong, volleying from one bumper to another.
Still in pursuit, we followed the ball toward a small lake in Motor World that had been earmarked for a fleet of tiny bumper boats for children. The area wasn’t open yet, but the empty boats were being tested and floated on the surface. The ball soared over the grass and smashed into several of them, scattering the others with rippling waves from the impact, which launched some of the boats several feet in the air.
Charlie and Ken waded into the water looking for the hatch. After some difficulty, they got it open. Charlie pulled Frank out by grabbing him under his armpits like a baby. Frank crawled up the bank, coughing and sputtering. He splayed across the grass as we all stared at the ball, which bobbed in the water like it was attached to a fishing lure.
We did not ask for the inspector’s report, nor did we ever hear of one being filed. Ken Bailey returned to Canada. The snow-makers cleared away the PVC. Told to dispose of the Bailey Ball, they rolled it into the woods, where it remained for many years."
I don't know that this beats the teeth story, but it's pretty great.
Didn’t anticipate one of the bonuses of going to a drag show in a smaller more conservative town would be getting to see a bro who clearly wandered into the wrong part of the bar by mistake experience what looked to be a transcendent awakening upon seeing his first drag show.
On of the queens halfway through the show, “Honey, are you straight?”
This man, in a strangled voice, “I don’t know”
We love the character development
THIS IS THE FUNNIEST FUCKING RESPONSE IVE EVER GOTTEN ON ANY OF MY POSTS EVER
World Heritage Post
Depending on how you play, Abelard may be almost a fatherly figure or something like a cat owner who runs after your Rogue Trader yelling: "What did you touch again? Drop it! Drop it immediately!"

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and the winner of superwholock is officially??? no one. we all lost. congrats team
Whatever Abelard is being paid, it's not enough, lol
i love abelard so much i might faint actually
my humours have balanced. I have become mentally normal again
no, mentally normal people can still write spider sex books
YOU

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Boris "professional idiot" Johnson wanted to build an island airport in the immediate area.
it's fucking visible
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It is fun to learn.
Hey what the fuck
You weren't kidding they've been trying to get the masts off for 5 years and keep getting foiled because there's probably bombs leaking out of her
Fun fact: Doxing myself but I live in the blast zone if that thing ever goes up! It's even immortalised in a local artwork:
@tatzelwyrm
Unfortunately, Gordon Lightfood never did a song about it.
Unfortunately,
Gordon Lightfood never did
a song about it.
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
as a chemist i would like to say BWAHAHAHAHAHA