△

A hell of a while. So seeing as I really don’t know where to start or who even follows me anymore I’ll start with the basics -

Like, how is everyone? I hope if you see this you’re doing okay.

I know I replied to a message uh.. a year? two years? more than two years ago? And was kinda vague because *gestures* life but I finally sorta found my way back here so I figured I’d try and do some sort of attempt at a post for some reason that I’m not quite sure about right now.

Seeing Mass Effect on my dash as soon as I logged in was kinda warm and fuzzy. I love that the fandom is still going. I hadn’t touched ME in a long time until last week when I finally installed the LE. I’m playing a new shepard, she’s neat, Kaidan is still chefs kiss and I’m about to start ME2 tonight. But how neat is the LE version? I’m kinda digging it. Weird having a new shepard but then I’m kinda using a modified Rose facecode so how different is it really... eh.

Leaving the fandom was kinda really not my intention, life just sort of got real bad real fast. At the end of 2019 I lost my mum to cancer, something that even now I haven’t come to terms with. It was sudden and to be quite frank, soul destroying. I’m not going to go into details nor dredge up how unbelievably hard I took it but everything, including my interests, sort of just turned grey overnight. A couple of months later, whilst I was trying to comprehend how I’m to go forward, my marriage ended. Double whammy right? In those few months I lost every single thing that sorta made.. well.. me me. I’m definitely not going to go into details about that because I’m only now just getting the last remnants of anger and sadness out of my system. So after the second bludgeon I up and left my home city. I’d never moved more than 15 minutes away from the house I was born in and suddenly I was hundreds of miles away. That was a wild ride. So the last couple of years has been a long, long journey of grief and depression and anxiety and all sorts of bad stuff that 0/10 would not recommend. But good stuff did happen. I started dating the most amazing person who happened to fall into my life. I’ve moved again and am starting to have glimpses of the future, starting to let myself dream again.

So yeah! That all happened. It’s been a lonely journey I won’t lie. I kept myself busy at times with bouts of gaming (Looking at you FFXIV) but I never really got fully invested which I miss. But maybe with going back to mass effect, and maybe with me kicking myself up the ass and trying to somehow figure out how to reconnect to old fandom friends I can at least dip my toes back into something that truly made me smile.

I don’t know, like I said at the start, who still follows me, who is still around, who has changed their url, who is following me from a different account that I need to follow back. I really have zero idea. It took me way longer than I dare to admit to even figure out how to use tumblr again as I’ve been off social media for years. But I’m going to try and be more active, at the very least with cheering people on. And if you got this far with my post then heck, you’re wonderful. I just hope everyone is doing okay, that the world has been kind to you and that you can smile.

bless you anon.