hey

It's better to be respected than to be feared. That's why I make all of my scarecrows look like positive crow authority figures

They were opened in AUGUST 2001. Oh my god. That's both hilarious and tragic.

this is a fucking futurama bit

Human beings b like. *sits and stares peacefully at a fire* *sits and stares peacefully at the ocean* *sits and stares peacefully at a sleeping animal*

forget everything anyone has ever told you on the matter the truest marker of adulthood is starting to hear the siren call of high quality kitchenware

to be clear you SHOULD buy that cast iron pan and you SHOULD buy that knife set and you SHOULD buy that fancy rice cooker and you SHOULD buy that novelty mug. high quality kitchenware is always worth it you’re literally gonna be using that almost every day

she quit earlier this week so now i feel like im allowed to share that one of my coworkers asked for my pronouns, pat herself on the back for asking someone for their pronouns for the first time, and then immediately made it clear to me that she was suffering from mold poisoning

Maid cleaning a massive chateau surely belonging to the richest people you’ve ever seen, and as she’s walking from room to room you notice that every single portrait is of her

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

very funny to me that calories is legit just a measure of energy. you can convert it to joules. (4186 joules in one kcal). really drives home the absurdity of diet culture.

Cuddling into bed with new oc scenerio to imagine before bed is like when your favorite youtuber posts a new hour long video for you to eat dinner with. Good feeling the both of them