Saving All My Time Just To Go Out And Spend It

it's not fair that twitter's phm tag has a rocky emoji so i stole him for you all

No wifi or bluetooth connections. No touch screens. No predictive behaviours. No account log in. No fancy bullshit nonsense.

A fridge that does nothing but keep your food cool. A washing machine that washes clothes, the fucking end. And actually on the washing machine note: they would all have optional two-tap ports, so you CAN use the machine to heat the water if you need to, but you dont HAVE to, if youre in a home that has a massive hot water tank or whatever. AND, it would have fast cycles. None of this two hour minimum bullshit. Fuck outta here with that nonsense. 20 minute half-sized fast loads, 45 minute full sized regular loads, and a two hour option for those of you who like things slow or wanna give your towels an extra good long wash or whatever.

Anyway moving on. Dumb clothes dryers that just dry things, at a manually set array of temperatures, not an auto-temp chosen by the machine based on the detected type of fabric or size of the load. Dumb toasters. But QUALITY. None of this "its just fifteen bucks but it will last five minutes" shit. Dumb TVs. With various different ports, while we're at it. You want a security camera, but want full control of who accesses the recordings? Done. Dumb elevators, that go up and down at the press of a button and have no complex bullshit that takes out the whole lift whenever it experiences an internet outage.

DUMB CARS. WITH NO TOUCH SCREENS OR TRACKING TECH OR OTHER BULLSHIT.

GIVE ME MY APPLIANCES AS DUMB AS A BOX OF ROCKS. I DONT WANT THEM MAKING DECISIONS FOR ME. I DON'T WANT THEM "HELPING" ME. I DONT WANT TWO THIRDS OF THE BULLSHIT THATS IN THEM THESE DAYS.

I tried to buy a washing machine recently. They were ALL SOME DEGREE OF FUCKING "SMART." And yeah you can simply opt to not set it up, which is what i ended up doing, but it still prompts me even now to "complete set up?" AND it pushed the overall price of washing machines up because even though I dont plan to USE any of their STUPID smart tech, it was still included in the model! So it costs more! Because its "smart"!