My Jewishness is inextricable from my queerness. My Jewishness is how I experience my gender as a gay man. It is how I feel and express healthy masculinity.
As a cis gay man, I have struggled find a definition or experience of masculinity or "man" that "fits." I'm not aggressive, or physically strong, or particularly daring. Also, obviously, I don't have sex with women. I'm not masculine by American standards. I never have been.
I am kind and gentle and studious. Ever since I was a little kid. Even before I realized I was gay. These are not the ideal of American masculinity—quite the opposite, in fact. These qualities are the ideal of the Jewish man. This ideal reconciles my inner self with the tension I experience with masculinity as a gay man.
My gender is not best described as simply "a man." Or even "a gay man."
I'm a Jewish man.













